What Fear?

What is your greatest fear? I will wait while you think about the answer to this question........... No, seriously...................

Some of us will be quick to answer we aren't really afraid of anything. For others the answer could be anything from spiders to public speaking. Some fears are rational. Some spiders can actually kill you, but the daddy long legs on your back porch is not one of them. If you have a fear of public speaking, why is that a fear? What is the worst that could happen? People might disagree with what you say? Maybe you could get heckled? All in all, there is nothing deadly about this act. I am using this as an example because for a long time I would list public speaking as a major fear. However, I think the area God wants to use us greatly is usually the same area satan attacks. If your story is one that will lead people to Christ, satan wants you SILENCED! You are a threat to him.

Maybe there is a profession you feel God is calling you into, but satan tells you people will laugh at you if you pursue that calling. I know so many people who are in jobs that have little or nothing to do with the call God has on their lives. The fear of losing finances keeps them there. I know this scenario quite well because several years ago it was my own situation. I had the fear of not being able to provide for my girls (ultimately it is God who provides everything, not a job), a fear of what people would think of me if I left such a "good" job (if I told you some of the comments and questions I received you would be shocked at what some people will say, even those within the church body), and a fear of what would come next.

Another area in which I see so many women live in fear is the fear of being alone. We (I say "we" because I have been there myself) stay in ungodly relationships out of a fear of being alone or the fear that we may never date again if we end this relationship. What we fail to realize is that by remaining in something that God cannot bless, we are preventing a relationship that He CAN bless! I was in a relationship with someone that I loved dearly, but was convicted about the physical aspect of the relationship. I knew we had to stop. I had suspicions of how this would go over with him, but my desire to be pleasing to God was greater than my desire to please this man. He "understood" why we had to stop being intimate, but within a month the relationship was over. His true character was revealed to me. Ladies, you do not simply want a man to "understand" your desire for purity, but a man who will not intentionally lead you into sin. A close male friend of mine shared an observation he had made over the years that when examining married couples you could usually tell if they had sex before marriage. If they waited until after marriage, the man was typically the leader of the home. If they had not waited, the woman lead the home. Not saying God cannot change this down the road and redeem the order in a home, but the more I think about this observation, the more I have to agree. Satan KNOWS God's plan for us in relationships. Satan knows God's plan for marriage. This is why it is a major target that satan has perverted. Greater than any fear of being alone is my desire to please God. I want to someday have a healthy, God ordained marriage. I am willing to accept the judgment (what's wrong with her? why is she still single?) and times of being alone in order to wait for the ONE God has chosen. Please don't be so afraid of this that you are willing to compromise all of God's goodness! There is absolute beauty in singleness! If you are single or in a wrong relationship, let go of the fear and enjoy this season of your life! 

These are just a couple examples of areas I have experienced fear in my life. Your fear may look nothing like these examples. No matter what your fear is, remember:

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7

We tend to focus on the part of this verse about not having fear. However, do not miss what you DO possess! You have POWER and LOVE and A SOUND MIND! So, when you stop operating out of fear, there will be people who tell you that you are out of your mind. The reality is that by living in fear, you are crazy! Living out your life through the power of Christ leads to power and love and SANITY! Couldn't we use more sanity in this world?

Rocco and George

Have you ever had the honor of having a front row seat to watching a miracle as it happens? Oftentimes what many people see as a "lucky" event or something that occurs out of being at the right place at the right time, is in reality the result of months, if not years of preparation. It is so easy to see the result of something and overlook all the pain and heartache that preceeded the final event.


I ask these questions because today is a day of absolute excitement for me, but not for anything that really even involves me. Today is the day Rocco and George are being born! As of an hour ago, Rocco has made his appearance and many are waiting for George to show up next. These two babies are the result of years of tears, prayers and faith. I have known their mother Holly for several years. I first met her when we worked together at the bank. Beginning during our first interactions, I always knew Holly wanted nothing more in this world than to be a mother. She has a stepson and I always knew by seeing her love for him that she would make an amazing mother. I remember all the times Holly would excitedly tell me that she was "late," but then a couple days later she would shake her head and say "no, not this month." Through every month of hope and then disappointment, Holly never waivered in her faith in God.


After months and months of trying, I remember her telling me about the doctor's visits of trying to find out what was wrong. I remember all the crazy suggestions made to her that she expectantly followed. Then came the in-vitro attempt that didn't take. I know through all this that I was not the only person praying for Holly. I have never in my life seen someone want a baby so badly that I KNEW "deserved" the opportunity. Even though I never saw it in her, I had my times of anger over the situation. I questioned how so many women could get pregnant easily who never planned a child, nor did they even want one yet here was someone who yearned for one so badly. God, where is the justice in that scenario?


About a year ago I began cleaning regularly for Holly. She doesn't know this, but as I would make her bed, I prayed over it and prayed for the baby I knew was in their future. I saw the birth announcements she received from friends. Holly would hang them up and even show them to me and point out how adorable each baby was in the pictures. After a few months Holly told me they were going to try in-vitro again. I remember seeing the long list of "do's and don't" on the fridge and the schedule of shots she needed to take in order to prepare her baby for the best possible environment. Two eggs were implanted (Holly even has pictures of them in a dish!). Praise God, both eggs stuck! Over the last 38 weeks (YES! SHE MADE IT TO 38 WEEKS!!!!) I have watched as Holly has prepared for the arrival of her two boys. The affirmations and prayers she has spoken over them have melted my heart. I've teased about how the reality is going to be so much different from the illusions she has now of motherhood. However, deep inside, I think it will be much different than what many children experience. I've watched as Holly has faithfully visited her chiropractor, acupuncturist, and taken every suggested vitamin in order to have the healthiest pregnancy possible. Over the last month or so I have watched as she has been uncomfortable beyond belief, yet saying "for these babies, it's worth it all!" I have had the honor of every two weeks watching as their home has changed in anticipation of their arrival. The spare bedroom/office is now one of the cutest nurseries I've ever seen!


Monday night Holly went to the hospital to begin the labor and delivery process. She texted me yesterday that she had not needed any drugs yet and everything was going great. At 10 am this morning her husband posted on Facebook that Rocco had arrived and mom and baby are both doing great. Now we are all watching and waiting for George. I'm trying not to tear up as I type because to have had this front row seat to not just one, but two miracles has been such an honor!


I have shared all this only to say that what we may see as just a blessing can often come only after a high cost. Obviously there was a financial cost in this story, but even more was the cost of every hearbreak experienced along the way. For every time I saw Holly frustrated, I imagined how many tears I didn't see. How many times must she have wrestled with God over this issue? She must have because I did and it wasn't even my body/baby! Remember that what you see happen in someone's life did not happen without much preparation, trial, and struggle. What is it that you long for more than anything else? Is there a goal you have not been able to complete, but know you are called to pursue? What have you been willing to sacrifice to reach this goal? Has your heart been moved to the point of tears because you want it so badly? Nothing great comes without a cost.



"Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12

Samuel's Call

I was delaying in starting this message because to be quite honest, I had no clue what I was to write about today! So I did the only logical thing I could think to do and that is ask God to show me what He wants me to say. Not that I don't do this every time I write these, but there is usually a theme or topic He lays on my heart and then I find scriptures that align. I started by opening my Bible and cleaning out all the note sheets that have accumulated there over the last few months. While removing one section I felt God telling me to read what was on the page that opened. He directed me to 1 Samuel 3. My Bible titles this section as "Samuel's Call."

While still a young boy Samuel hears God call him. He mistakes the voice of God for that of the priest Eli. This happens several times before Eli realizes Samuel is hearing the voice of God. His instructions to Samuel are to respond to God and not himself. When you were a child, did you have a sense of knowing you would be called to something big some day? Have you heard a voice calling to you, but you thought it was simply to offer your service to man or to whomever was in your authority. Samuel thought he was simply in the temple to be a student to Eli. However, God spoke to him and what he shared was not positive to Eli, his authority. As Eli asks Samuel to share what God has spoken, can you imagine Samuel's thoughts?  We are even told he was afraid to tell Eli of his vision. It is not an easy thing to provide correction to those in authority. However, there are times when God speaks and we must obey. How the authority receives the correction is between them and God. Eli was approachable and even sought out the information from Samuel. I'm sure this made it easier for Samuel to provide the correction. Eli's response to the the rebuke is "He is the Lord. He will do what He thinks is good." I would imagine Samuel felt a bit of relief from this response!

At this point I find it important to go back to 1 Samuel 1 where we find the interaction between Hannah, Samuel's mother, and Eli the priest. In her hurt and in her crying out to God, she is met with scolding from the priest. He assumes she is drunk because it appears she is speaking to herself. Have we ever judged someone in a negative way or assumed there was sin in their lives, when in reality what we witnessed was their attempt in drawing closer to God? The way we interact with God varies with each person. Once Hannah explains she is hurt and simply petitioning God (she was pleading for a son), Eli sends her away in peace and speaks life over her by requesting God grant her plea. The next morning Hannah and her husband wake early to bow and worship God. It is after they return home when Hannah conceives Samuel..

When she had been in the temple she had vowed to return the gift of a child back to the Lord. As soon as Samuel was weaned, she returned him to the temple to live. She returns and reminds Eli of their previous meeting. She is not hesitant or reluctant in leaving Samuel. Her prayer is recorded in 1 Samuel 2. God truly opened her womb because she later gives birth to three more sons and two daughters. We are told in this same chapter of the sin of Eli's sons. Did Hannah know this was happening? Did she have any reservation of leaving her son not just with Eli, but in the company of his disobedient sons? I can't help but wonder if she had chosen to "keep" Samuel, if she would have received the further blessings of offspring.

I have mentioned the beginning of the story to emphasize the importance of being a Godly mother. Hannah's faith led to her sacrificing her son into God's kingdom. Would he have heard God's voice had he not been offered as a "sacrifice" by his mother? I believe it's because of Hannah's faithfulness to God that Samuel was positioned to be used by God and to audibly hear His voice at such a young age. We all want great things for our children. However, our hearts cry for them should be only that they would be used by God, in whatever way that looks.

I am not posting the text for today's topic because it covers several chapters. Please take the time to read 1 Samuel 1-3 on your own. I would love to hear your feedback on these scriptures and how they speak to your life .

Resolutions or Just Needed Changes?

I have never been a person for "resolutions." However, when 2012 rolled around I knew there were some things in my life that need to change. Spending so much time with my dad recently has shown me a glimpse of my future if I don't start taking better care of myself physically. Another area I know I need to change is in my Bible reading time. Basically, I need to find that time! With the things coming up in my life this year I know I absolutely need to dig deeper into His word.  I don't want to be distracted from the focus of the vision He is giving to me. To be honest, when I am not reading His word, my vision becomes quite distorted. I realized these two areas of needed change can be combined.

A few weeks ago I asked God to give me a hunger, but not for food. I want a hunger for His word. I have never read the Bible completely through even though many times I have made the attempt. I could have started a Bible "plan" but realized these plans could either move me too slow or too fast. If I'm simply trying to get through a certain number of chapters in a day, I could miss where He wants to speak to me. Some days I will read through numerous chapters and other days He's told me to dwell in one. The first few days of this journey I had to make myself take the time to read. I started by reading at night before bed. Then I realized I need to also be starting my day in His word. After I take the girls to school I come home and immediately begin reading. I'm still reading at night also. In just a week of starting this habit and of asking Him to make me hungry for His word, I find I'm not just picking up my Bible in the morning and at night. I'm picking it up throughout the day. I am now starting to understand why Ruth Graham kept an open Bible in every room of her house!

In addition to this I've been watching the Code Orange Revival online. This is a revival at Elevation Church here in Charlotte, but streaming online. Each of the 12 nights there is a different pastor preaching. Today will be the third day and if at all possible, you should check it out! The website is http://elevationnetwork.com. Last night Jentezen Franklin preached on our legacy to our children and the first night Craig Groeschel preached on being an idiot for Jesus. The live stream starts at 6:12 pm, but they rebroadcast the nights message again at 10:12, 3:12 am, and 12:12 pm the next day (so you still have one more chance to catch last night's message). It was a message EVERY parent needs to hear!

In regards to the changes I need to make physically, I bought myself the Zumba DVD's for Christmas. Exercise has never been a joy of mine, but I do love to dance. I'm only a week into doing the DVD's, but I can tell you it is kicking my behind! The 20 minute workout I did last night was tougher than some of the 40 minute ones! When I first started I was stepping on the scale daily. After a couple days I heard God tell me to put the scale away. He doesn't want me to check it for at least a week because that is not to be my focus!

I'm also being very intentional about the music I play in my home and car. Maybe in some ways I'm doing an experiment of what will happen when I go all in for God. I want more of Him not just this year, but for the rest of my life. I know habits don't become habits until we intentionally make the effort to start the changes. I'm not really sure what is leading me to share this with all of you today. Maybe it's because God has been urging you to make changes in your life. It's scary to change. Quite honestly, it can be terrifying to ask God what He wants for our lives. The idea of reading the Bible may intimidate you. Something happens in us when the scriptures we hear are not delivered through a third party, but straight from God. We begin to notice verses we may have never heard before because they are not popular to use in sermons. As I'm reading through scriptures, God has been prompting me to write more of what He is revealing to me as I read. In addition to reading more I am writing more on my blog. If you do not already subscribe, PLEASE DO! I will be posting there more often. The way this is going there could be more than one post a day!

As I have been typing all this I have been wondering what scripture God wants me to share that could relate to what I've said. I quickly flipped over to Facebook and saw a friend posted a scripture that fits perfectly!

"And they said to one another, Were not our hearts greatly moved and burning within us while He was talking with us on the road and as He opened and explained to us [the sense of] the Scriptures?"  Luke 24:32 AMP

When you ask for the Holy Spirit to minister to you as you read, you will begin to feel movement in your heart. A burning and longing for more of Him will happen. If you don't believe me, I just dare you to try it for ONE WEEK! Who is up for the challenge?

Exodus Thoughts

This morning in my Bible reading I am in Exodus starting in chapter 17. I am having numerous thoughts as I'm reading and instead of posting short Facebook status updates I thought I would sit down and write them all out here. I think I will do them in "quick hit" fashion.

• Chapter 17 tells us when Moses raised his arms, the Israelites prevailed in battle. When he grew tired and his arms became weak and lowered, they began losing the battle. It was at this point when Aaron and Hur supported his raised arms for him. God positioned them to be there with Moses. Our walk and our battle is never to be faced alone. We will become tired. When we become tired we can begin to lose our battle. This could be in the area of sin or temptation. Look at those around you and see who God has placed into your life to hold you up. Be honest with those people and let them know when you are weak. You might be surprised at who is waiting to help you keep fighting and winning this fight. 
• In Chapter 18 Moses is visited by his father-in-law Jethro (and you thought Jethro was just a dumb hillbilly in Beverly Hills). During this visit Jethro observes Moses spending hours upon hours settling disputes between the people. Jethro questions the wisdom in these proceedings. He suggests Moses appoint leaders to handle the smaller disputes and bring the more complicated ones to Moses for guidance. So many times I've witnessed people in leadership, both in the corporate world and also in ministry, who are unable to release decision making to others. If you are a leader or the "head" of a team or department, part of being a good leader is trusting those on your team to make decisions. Will you always agree with their decisions? Probably not. However, this does not mean their choices are necessarily wrong, only different. We must be willing to allow others to operate in their calling by releasing some of our "power" to them. If people are unable to operate in their own creative giftings, then you could be hindering God's call on their life. When we find ourselves unable to trust others to make small decisions, then there is an inner control or power issue we need to examine closer. We have to trust them to bring us the bigger, more difficult decisions, yet allow them freedom in the smaller things.
• My takeaway from Chapter 19 is a bit strange. In God's conversation with Moses he commands him to tell the people to purify themselves and wash their clothes because in three days the Lord would descend on Mount Sinai. Moses in turn tells the people to wash their clothes and be prepared by the third day. Then he adds, "Do not have sexual relations with women." I checked a couple different translations to make sure it was not just my version that had me confused. I wonder if God said that or did Moses add the "do not have sex with your wife part." 

• Chapter 20 brings me to the Ten Commandments. I could write on each one, but I don't feel led to do so at this time. I'm only going to touch on the ones that jumped out at me today.

1. The fifth commandment tells us to honor our father and mother. This seems to be a commandment lost on many people in today's society. I hear so many children speak disrespectfully to their parents. I wish I was only referring to young children or teenagers, but some of the worst offenders are adults. Notice the command is not to honor the actions of our parents, but to honor them or their position as our parents. This command was given before the commands to not murder, commit adultery, steal, or lie. This sin is just as "big" as these others and yet we seem to weigh it as less offensive. The decision to honor my parents was one I had to consciously make a few years ago. No matter what has happened, my dad will always be my dad. If I am unable to show honor to my earthly parents, how can I adequately show honor to my Heavenly Father?
2. The tenth commandment tells us to not covet our neighbor's house or belongings. In a society of "keeping up with the Jones'," it would seem this is another commandment we have severely forgotten. How many of us see someone talking about their new iPhone and think, "oh man, I wish I had one." Commandment.....broken. OUCH! How much more content would we be in our lives if we focused on being aware of this one commandment? Possessions would lose their value. We would gain more peace inside. We would also begin to fully appreciate the gifts God has given to us instead of striving to attain more and more things.
3. I laughed aloud when I read verse 19: "You speak to us, and we will listen, " they said to Moses, "but don't let God speak to us, or we will die."  I find this typical of many people today. We would prefer God speak to our Pastor and we will listen to what he has to say, but we don't want God to actually speak to US. Something happens when we listen to the voice of God. The Israelites had it correct because when God speaks directly to you and not through a third person you will die. You begin to die to yourself. You die to the world. When you hear His voice and not the voice of man, your life will change!

So there you have some of my random thoughts. I would love to hear yours!

Provision

I'm not sure if you knew it or not, but the God we serve is always faithful. I know we have heard this said and maybe in our heads think "yeah, I know this." But I'm here to share with you a little of what has happened in my life lately to show concrete evidence of just how faithful He is to us. When I left my job in the corporate world 18 months ago, the number one question I was asked was "what are you going to do for money."  Most people didn't care that it was God who told me to leave. They only questioned the worldly wisdom in leaving a "secure" job with good benefits in order to live by faith. My answer at the time to them was an honest one. That answer was "I don't know."  Yes, I realize how absolutely insane this sounds to our human ears. However, when we listen with our spiritual ears, we often hear something completely different.

What I heard God ask me repeatedly was "Do you trust Me or not?" Can you imagine how it feels to hear God ask you this question? I had to be honest with myself. Was a truly trusting Him to provide for me or was I trusting in my own abilities? The reality is that no job is secure. The only true security in this life is faith in Christ. Since I left, I've had opportunities to earn income in unexpected ways (secret shopper jobs, research studies, childcare, and house cleaning). Through everything, I've continued tithing and believing in God's word commanding me to simply trust Him. There have been times when I've been asked to start watching a child, but knew the time required did not align with what God had been telling me to do for Him. I've had to decline work opportunities. I know this may sound irresponsible to some, but I MUST remain obedient to God in all things.

It is because of this obedience that I have seen doors open supernaturally. I'm currently involved in planning a concert for Charlotte that will reach out to people struggling with addictions and help connect them to treatment centers and ways to get free! As I'm in meetings for this I am in awe of where God has placed me. Last night the founder of Invasion (the name of the concert) asked me for my creative ideas. I've never been asked before! I know I have been through certain experiences in my life that have prepared me for where God has me now. I also know I'm constantly learning and growing so I can be prepared for all He has for me in the future.

Now to get back to the provision part. In the time since I've left my job I've had people give me money and gift cards explaining God told them to help me. When I thought I owed several months in HOA dues, my landlord called and the company mysteriously "found" $200 that had never been applied. Last year a family I know paid off what was owed on Kiara's tuition for school. This was a family that was in their own "situation" and yet still knew God wanted them to help. A few months ago, I was given a vehicle. Just this last week an acquaintance through Facebook and a friend of his (a total stranger to me) contacted me wanting to pay my electric bill (combined they paid $175!).

Please know my heart in sharing all these things. I am not trying to boast in anything I have done. I am sharing to give you examples from my own life of how God is always faithful to His word. I have made many mistakes along the way, but I am still striving to be obedient to His will for me. In that, I know He sees me. He reminds me of this through unexpected ways.  It can be easy to read stories in scripture of God providing for His people, but it is something completely different to see Him provide in your own life. When we trust Him FULLY, He becomes alive. This christian thing is personal and not just words on a page.

Has God been speaking to you regarding His will for your life? What is that dream deep inside you heart that has been dormant but has begun to stir? Where has He given you passion? I have always loved music and now God has placed me somewhere that is working through music to reach people for Him! If I had remained at my desk in the "secure" job, this could never have happened! If you are unsure what His will is for you or what direction to go next, I recommend fasting. When we take away something in order to spend time to hear Him more clearly, His voice becomes more distinct. I pray as you start this new year that you will see the next step God wants you to take. In that, know the complete path may not be clear. Remember, I had no idea of what the next step was after I left my job! However, God will always be there to guide us from one step to the next. So what are you waiting for? Get to stepping!


"If you carefully observe all these commands I am giving you to follow—to love the LORD your God, to walk in obedience to him and to hold fast to him— then the LORD will drive out all these nations before you, and you will dispossess nations larger and stronger than you. Every place where you set your foot will be yours: Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the Euphrates River to the Mediterranean Sea. No one will be able to stand against you. The LORD your God, as he promised you, will put the terror and fear of you on the whole land, wherever you go.  See, I am setting before you today a blessing and a curse—the blessing if you obey the commands of the LORD your God that I am giving you today; the curse if you disobey the commands of the LORD your God and turn from the way that I command you today by following other gods, which you have not known." Deuteronomy 11:22-28

Give Me Faith

As much as I think I "know" about God, the more I realize I "know" absolutely nothing. Time and time again He has shown me how much greater His ways are than mine. And yet, I still fight Him on so many things! Am I the only one that sometimes feels like I was tricked into this Christian walk? I thought I simply said a prayer, got out of going to hell, and that was the end of the story. I don't remember signing up for this whole growth thing.

Change hurts. Change means losing people you thought were your friends. It often means losing your family. They don't understand you anymore, as if they ever did. The hardest growth has been learning to forgive. As I read the scriptures I've come to understand forgiveness is vital to this faith I claim to possess. If I am unable to forgive others, then I will not be forgiven. End of story. No further discussion allowed as to how good of a person I was otherwise, or how many meals I made for the meal train, or how many hours I've given to serving God. None of it matters if I refuse to forgive. Yet by choosing to forgive, I find I've grown even more. What has grown? My heart.

You see, when there was unforgiveness, my heart was hardened. I wasn't allowed to feel for certain people. To be honest it was hardened towards men and it all went back to the most precious of all relationships a girl can have. The relationship with her daddy.

No parent is perfect. Some make mistakes people would deem as unpardonable. Yet, there is no qualification in scriptures to what needs to be forgiven. We are simply told to forgive. No. Matter. What. So I did just that. I found forgiveness. We even spent Christmas with my Dad and it was better than I ever could have imagined. It was a time of healing. It was a time of relearning to trust. I had to fight back tears as I heard him tell Olivia that he loved her more than all the stars. And she has reminded me of this even after we have gotten home. Yes, Olivia, your papa loves you more than all the stars. I should mention here that Olivia does not know her father. That is a post for another time. So to see this relationship form and for her to have a man show her this unconditional, fatherly kind of love has been invaluable to me.

As I'm typing this, my dad is in the ICU at a hospital five hours away. A year ago, this news would not have really affected me too much. Not that I would not have cared, but I would have shrugged it off and said "ok, well let me know what happens." However, right now I want to be in my car driving to Georgia to be there. There is nothing I can do except trust God. In that statement is the realization that while I can do nothing, I can also do everything. Trusting Him is everything. Even when I'm weak, His spirit is strong in me. He will never fail me. Regardless of the outcome, He is still perfect in everything He does. His timing in all things is perfect even when we don't understand.

When we are faced with circumstances we do not understand is when our faith grows. So I pray for God to give me faith. Not just now, but in the future to continue doing the things His word instructs. Because what I'm learning is those commands lead to feeling, loving, and living more like Him.