Just as I was about to sit down to write on Psalm 60 yesterday, I received a phone call from my dad letting me know my stepmother passed away. May 20 of this year she was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer. That's only two months and 9 days. 70 days from diagnosis to going home to Jesus. In my conversations with Ruth after her diagnosis she never once complained. Not one time did she say anything negative. Her only concern was for my dad and how he would handle all of this after she was gone.
I am at a place of extreme mixed emotions right now. My relationship with my dad and stepmother was non-existent for about six years. Offense built on offense until it reached the place of not speaking. During this time of non-communication my youngest daughter Olivia was born. It was very hard to have a child and not have the support of either of my parents (my mom passed away in 1999). There were things that happened in my childhood on the part of my dad that led to the initial offense. The timing in my life when Ruth entered was not ideal and definitely not in receptive circumstances. Over the years many hurtful words were spoken from both sides. Racism played a huge role in our not communicating. For those who do not know, both my daughters are bi-racial.
What reopened the lines of communication was the death of my grandmother, my dad's mom. We were both at her funeral and it was the first time in years we were in the same place at the same time and had no option but to speak. The initial conversation was rough to say the least. I will not go into details, but only say I was literally backed into a corner and confronted regarding a conversation that had occurred several years prior. It was my stepmother who intervened and apologized to me and said she had told my dad to let it go. It was time to get over the past and move forward towards healing. After this meeting, I saw them a couple times as they were passing through the Charlotte area and we talked frequently on the phone.
It is a strange place to be right now. I'll be honest in saying I have no idea what the future holds in regards to my relationship with my dad. I am still in the process of healing from childhood wounds. Wounds he never remembers making and swears he never did. In my heart, I feel he is telling the truth by saying he doesn't remember ever doing the things he has been accused of doing. Not the truth in that he never did them, but the truth in that he does not remember. Somehow, this offers me the grace to forgive. As I've prayed for God to show me him and my stepmother as He sees them, I've come to view them with my eyes now at 34 and not my eyes at age 4, 14, or 24.
My prayer for each of you today is in regards to any relationship you have that needs to be reconciled. I've heard it said best that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. When you refuse to forgive, you only hurt yourself. This is not to say that what happened to you is okay. Hurt is hurt no matter if it was intentional or unintentional, mental, physical, sexual, or emotional. Yet being a victim in you past does not have to make you a victim in your present or your future. The choice to forgive and move forward is completely up to you. I am also not promising it will be an instant occurrence. The enemy will fight to keep you within the prison of your offense and unforgiveness. He knows that as long as you are trapped there, you will be ineffective to God's kingdom. He knows the scriptures say:
"But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:15
"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25
" “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." Luke 6:37
These are just a few examples of scripture that tells us the number one reason why we have to forgive others. We cannot be forgiven if we are unwilling to extend forgiveness and grace to others. It's just that simple. None of us are guaranteed a tomorrow. If the person you are angry with died today, would there be words left unspoken that could have brought healing? If you died today, what would you want people to remember about you? Would it be that you were forgiving or that you refused to practice the grace you claimed to have through Christ?
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Friday, July 15, 2011
Psalm 51
Today I am reading Psalm 51. It is a beautiful, heartfelt scripture of repentance. David wrote these verses after his affair with Bathsheba and he has realized the full extent and consequences of his actions. When we consider the sins of David, we often look at the people who were affected by his actions. The same is often true with our own sins or the sins of those closest to us. A spouse cheats and we see the hurt it causes the whole family. Someone steals and we see the effect on the person stolen from. A murder is committed and we see the ripples through those who loved the one murdered. What we often do not consider is the One who is sinned against the most. David "got" this.
"You're the One I've violated, and you've seen it all, seen the full extent of my evil. You have all the facts before you; whatever you decide about me is fair. I've been out of step with you for a long time, in the wrong since before I was born. What you're after is truth from the inside out. Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life." Psalm 51:4-6
"You're the One I've violated, and you've seen it all, seen the full extent of my evil. You have all the facts before you; whatever you decide about me is fair. I've been out of step with you for a long time, in the wrong since before I was born. What you're after is truth from the inside out. Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life." Psalm 51:4-6
David acknowledges to God that God is the one he has sinned against. More so than any person on earth, it is God we sin against. I love that David does not attempt to excuse his behavior or place blame anywhere else. He humbly comes to God and states whatever God's judgment, it would be fair. Like many of us when we fall into temptation, David shares he has been out of step with God for a long time. Falling into temptation is rarely an instant event. From my own experience I know it is much easier for me to fall into temptation when I have distanced myself from God. This includes not reading my Bible, attending small groups, and isolating myself from Christian friends. When we are sinning, we often remove ourselves from people who are close to God in their walk. Even though they may not know of our sin, our own conviction becomes too great to be around those who exude God's presence in themselves. I've seen it happen both in myself and in others who are straying from God. I have known when friends are battling their demons because they withdraw from community.
I find verse 7 humorous to me this morning because last night I dreamed I woke up and it was snowing outside. I posted this on Facebook and a friend commented it was because God has cleansed me white as snow. Verse 7 says this: "Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean, scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life." My life has been anything but snow-white. Yet, through the blood of Jesus, it's as if I've never sinned.
David continues to write " God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life." Wow. Think of the week described in Genesis. God created the entire universe from NOTHING. We may look at our lives and see chaos and nothingness. However, God can use even out chaos, our mess, our nothing to make something beautiful. David knew he had made a mess of his life. He also knew God could take that mess and turn it into something to be used for His glory. No matter what you have done, or how messy your story is, God can use it to lead others to Him. David pleads for God to breathe holiness into him, put fresh wind into his sails, to commute his death sentence so he can sing praises, and to let loose his lips. The request David makes that has resonated with me the most is this: "Give me a job teaching rebels your ways so the lost can find their way home." This sounds like the great commission to me! There is no greater mission for us to have than to seek out those who are rebelling and help guide them home. How would you describe "HOME"? To me, it is a place of safety and peace. It is comfort. It is where you can relax and be yourself without any facade. It is a place to be naked (stop laughing!). Many in rebellion are simply seeking the place where they can be all of these things.
Lastly, David acknowledges what God truly wants from us....sincerity.
" Going through the motions doesn't please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice." Psalm 51:16-17
My prayer for each of you today is to have a fresh revelation of God. If you feel you have simply been going through the motions, I pray today you see how to change the motions into sincere worship. As much as it hurts when it happens, I pray God shatters your pride. It is when you allow yourself to be shattered that God takes notice and it is only in our brokenness that He can piece us back together as He sees us.
I find verse 7 humorous to me this morning because last night I dreamed I woke up and it was snowing outside. I posted this on Facebook and a friend commented it was because God has cleansed me white as snow. Verse 7 says this: "Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean, scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life." My life has been anything but snow-white. Yet, through the blood of Jesus, it's as if I've never sinned.
David continues to write " God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life." Wow. Think of the week described in Genesis. God created the entire universe from NOTHING. We may look at our lives and see chaos and nothingness. However, God can use even out chaos, our mess, our nothing to make something beautiful. David knew he had made a mess of his life. He also knew God could take that mess and turn it into something to be used for His glory. No matter what you have done, or how messy your story is, God can use it to lead others to Him. David pleads for God to breathe holiness into him, put fresh wind into his sails, to commute his death sentence so he can sing praises, and to let loose his lips. The request David makes that has resonated with me the most is this: "Give me a job teaching rebels your ways so the lost can find their way home." This sounds like the great commission to me! There is no greater mission for us to have than to seek out those who are rebelling and help guide them home. How would you describe "HOME"? To me, it is a place of safety and peace. It is comfort. It is where you can relax and be yourself without any facade. It is a place to be naked (stop laughing!). Many in rebellion are simply seeking the place where they can be all of these things.
Lastly, David acknowledges what God truly wants from us....sincerity.
" Going through the motions doesn't please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice." Psalm 51:16-17
My prayer for each of you today is to have a fresh revelation of God. If you feel you have simply been going through the motions, I pray today you see how to change the motions into sincere worship. As much as it hurts when it happens, I pray God shatters your pride. It is when you allow yourself to be shattered that God takes notice and it is only in our brokenness that He can piece us back together as He sees us.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Psalm 44
Today I am reading Psalm 44. This chapter begins with the author describing how his people have heard of all the things God has done in the past. He lists how in the past God helped win battles and caused afflictions to the enemies of His people. He describes how God's favor protected his ancestors in their time of need. As I read the list, I wonder how many of us say these kinds of things to God, but then we stop at what God did for someone else. Is God personal to us or is He someone we talk about in terms of what He has done for others? Do we believe in God because it is what our parents taught us or have we examined our beliefs at a personal level?
Verse 4 begins " You are my King, O God". The author is making his personal declaration of how he views God. He then proceeds to state what He knows God is capable of doing in his own life. The psalmists transitions from God doing in the past to what He can do in the future. It is always good to acknowledge what God has done in the past, but we must never stop there. There is so much more God wants to do in our present and our future. We must remember to ASK!
"Through You we will push down our enemies; Through Your name we will trample those who rise up against us. For I will not trust in my bow, Nor shall my sword save me. But You have saved us from our enemies, And have put to shame those who hated us. In God we boast all day long, And praise Your name forever." Psalm 44:5-8
Notice how the author states he will not trust in his bow or his sword. What "weapons" are you clinging to in hopes of changing your situation? Is it a relationship? Perhaps a job (money)? Do you lie awake at night trying to figure out how to fix your situation? Or do you lie awake praising God for all He has done, is doing, and will do in your life? I will be the first to admit there are times when it feels as if God is not doing anything in our lives. We find ourselves living in pain, be it physical, emotional, mental, or financial. We may think God is not doing anything in the midst of what we are going through. If you are feeling as if God is not listening, take heart! The Psalmist felt the same way!
" Awake! Why do You sleep, O Lord? Arise! Do not cast us off forever. Why do You hide Your face, And For our soul is bowed down to the dust; Our body clings to the ground. Arise for our help, And redeem us for Your mercies’ sake. forget our affliction and our oppression?" Psalm 44:23-26
Know that God never sleeps! Even when we do not see Him in our lives, He is always at work. Right now I am experiencing some serious financial battles. Through it all, I am seeing how God is teaching me to budget and handle my finances more responsibly. I realize how looking in from the outside, it would be hard to see how this is true. I no longer have a car, my phone is temporarily disconnected, and there is very little in my bank account at the moment. Yet the peace I have in my life is so far beyond anything I can explain! I am learning how to be content in all things. I'm learning how to appreciate what I have instead of focusing on what I do not have. I'm learning how much money I wasted on things that were not necessities in my life. Now, I know it may be hard to see how a car is not a necessity. I know it is, but the amount of the monthly payments I was making is definitely not a necessity. Years ago I committed myself to a payment that far exceeded a wise amount and led to me not being a good steward of the finances God had given me.
I also know God has been dealing with the issue of pride in my life. You become very humble when you have to ask others for a ride to church, the grocery store, or to work! Pride tries to keep us quiet about whatever situation we are dealing with personally. Pride tells you to keep it to yourself because what will others think if they know the truth about you.
What is the situation in your life right now in which you feel God is not listening? What is it that He could be trying to teach you through this trial? Personally, I think God waits for us to listen to the lesson before He takes action. Remember, He never sleeps or ignores us when we call out to Him. I pray today you spend time seeking Him and asking what it is He is trying to teach you at this current stage in your life.
Verse 4 begins " You are my King, O God". The author is making his personal declaration of how he views God. He then proceeds to state what He knows God is capable of doing in his own life. The psalmists transitions from God doing in the past to what He can do in the future. It is always good to acknowledge what God has done in the past, but we must never stop there. There is so much more God wants to do in our present and our future. We must remember to ASK!
"Through You we will push down our enemies; Through Your name we will trample those who rise up against us. For I will not trust in my bow, Nor shall my sword save me. But You have saved us from our enemies, And have put to shame those who hated us. In God we boast all day long, And praise Your name forever." Psalm 44:5-8
Notice how the author states he will not trust in his bow or his sword. What "weapons" are you clinging to in hopes of changing your situation? Is it a relationship? Perhaps a job (money)? Do you lie awake at night trying to figure out how to fix your situation? Or do you lie awake praising God for all He has done, is doing, and will do in your life? I will be the first to admit there are times when it feels as if God is not doing anything in our lives. We find ourselves living in pain, be it physical, emotional, mental, or financial. We may think God is not doing anything in the midst of what we are going through. If you are feeling as if God is not listening, take heart! The Psalmist felt the same way!
" Awake! Why do You sleep, O Lord? Arise! Do not cast us off forever. Why do You hide Your face, And For our soul is bowed down to the dust; Our body clings to the ground. Arise for our help, And redeem us for Your mercies’ sake. forget our affliction and our oppression?" Psalm 44:23-26
Know that God never sleeps! Even when we do not see Him in our lives, He is always at work. Right now I am experiencing some serious financial battles. Through it all, I am seeing how God is teaching me to budget and handle my finances more responsibly. I realize how looking in from the outside, it would be hard to see how this is true. I no longer have a car, my phone is temporarily disconnected, and there is very little in my bank account at the moment. Yet the peace I have in my life is so far beyond anything I can explain! I am learning how to be content in all things. I'm learning how to appreciate what I have instead of focusing on what I do not have. I'm learning how much money I wasted on things that were not necessities in my life. Now, I know it may be hard to see how a car is not a necessity. I know it is, but the amount of the monthly payments I was making is definitely not a necessity. Years ago I committed myself to a payment that far exceeded a wise amount and led to me not being a good steward of the finances God had given me.
I also know God has been dealing with the issue of pride in my life. You become very humble when you have to ask others for a ride to church, the grocery store, or to work! Pride tries to keep us quiet about whatever situation we are dealing with personally. Pride tells you to keep it to yourself because what will others think if they know the truth about you.
What is the situation in your life right now in which you feel God is not listening? What is it that He could be trying to teach you through this trial? Personally, I think God waits for us to listen to the lesson before He takes action. Remember, He never sleeps or ignores us when we call out to Him. I pray today you spend time seeking Him and asking what it is He is trying to teach you at this current stage in your life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)