Forgiving

Just as I was about to sit down to write on Psalm 60 yesterday, I received a phone call from my dad letting me know my stepmother passed away. May 20 of this year she was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer. That's only two months and 9 days. 70 days from diagnosis to going home to Jesus. In my conversations with Ruth after her diagnosis she never once complained. Not one time did she say anything negative. Her only concern was for my dad and how he would handle all of this after she was gone.

I am at a place of extreme mixed emotions right now. My relationship with my dad and stepmother was non-existent for about six years. Offense built on offense until it reached the place of not speaking. During this time of non-communication my youngest daughter Olivia was born. It was very hard to have a child and not have the support of either of my parents (my mom passed away in 1999). There were things that happened in my childhood on the part of my dad that led to the initial offense. The timing in my life when Ruth entered was not ideal and definitely not in receptive circumstances. Over the years many hurtful words were spoken from both sides. Racism played a huge role in our not communicating. For those who do not know, both my daughters are bi-racial.

What reopened the lines of communication was the death of my grandmother, my dad's mom. We were both at her funeral and it was the first time in years we were in the same place at the same time and had no option but to speak. The initial conversation was rough to say the least. I will not go into details, but only say I was literally backed into a corner and confronted regarding a conversation that had occurred several years prior. It was my stepmother who intervened and apologized to me and said she had told my dad to let it go. It was time to get over the past and move forward towards healing. After this meeting, I saw them a couple times as they were passing through the Charlotte area and we talked frequently on the phone.

It is a strange place to be right now. I'll be honest in saying I have no idea what the future holds in regards to my relationship with my dad. I am still in the process of healing from childhood wounds. Wounds he never remembers making and swears he never did. In my heart, I feel he is telling the truth by saying he doesn't remember ever doing the things he has been accused of doing. Not the truth in that he never did them, but the truth in that he does not remember. Somehow, this offers me the grace to forgive. As I've prayed for God to show me him and my stepmother as He sees them, I've come to view them with my eyes now at 34 and not my eyes at age 4, 14, or 24.

My prayer for each of you today is in regards to any relationship you have that needs to be reconciled. I've heard it said best that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. When you refuse to forgive, you only hurt yourself. This is not to say that what happened to you is okay. Hurt is hurt no matter if it was intentional or unintentional, mental, physical, sexual, or emotional. Yet being a victim in you past does not have to make you a victim in your present or your future. The choice to forgive and move forward is completely up to you. I am also not promising it will be an instant occurrence. The enemy will fight to keep you within the prison of your offense and unforgiveness. He knows that as long as you are trapped there, you will be ineffective to God's kingdom. He knows the scriptures say:

"But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:15

"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25

" “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." Luke 6:37

These are just a few examples of scripture that tells us the number one reason why we have to forgive others. We cannot be forgiven if we are unwilling to extend forgiveness and grace to others. It's just that simple. None of us are guaranteed a tomorrow. If the person you are angry with died today, would there be words left unspoken that could have brought healing? If you died today, what would you want people to remember about you? Would it be that you were forgiving or that you refused to practice the grace you claimed to have through Christ?