To Offend? Or Not to Offend?

Over the last few years I have heard many sermons on offense. Actually, it was really the same sermon repackaged every few months. There are books written about offense and how it relates to Christians. Bible studies are held addressing the subject. There are definitely lessons we need to learn in regards to offense and how to not become easily offended. It saddens me, however, to see how this topic has become abused. 

First, let me give an example of when the bait of offense is picked up unnecessarily. This morning when I logged into my Facebook account I observed most posts were regarding the weather or school closings. I had posted yesterday stating I was cold. I made a joke asking, "Is this Facebook or the Weather Channel website? I'm so confused." A friend from high school was posting a status about the weather at the same time I posted mine. When she saw my status she took it personal rather than as a joke. She commented on my status with a direct insult. After explaining this was a joke she stated my status insulted her and she proceeded to unfriend me from Facebook. 

This, dear readers, is what I believe is referred to as choosing to be offended by something that was never intended to offend. This is where she read something and instead of asking the intention or accepting my explanation of it being a joke (remember, I posted a status yesterday about the weather) she decided the route of anger and offense was her best choice. My heart was truly to never offend her. 

There are other times when someone can be labeled as offended when it was not their choice to be offended, but a wound was caused by someone's offensive behavior. When someone talks about you and calls you names, then the hurt has crossed the "choice of offense" line. It is much easier to write someone off from our lives by saying they are just offended than to examine our behavior and ask God to show us if perhaps it is our behavior that is offensive. If the same offense happens often, then it is no longer someone else who is offended too easily. Repeated injury to others is a reflection of our hearts. If we constantly point out their offense, then we are excluded from examining ourselves. Offensive behavior never changes as long as we continue to blame others sensitivity or even spiritual immaturity for their offense. 

When we do not seek to rectify the relationship it shows our own immaturity. I have had situations in my own life where I was scolded for being offended, when the reality was I was not offended, but had been deeply wounded by things this person and the leadership acting on their behalf had done. I wrote an apology for something that had hurt this person and never received a response from them. 

In the first example I gave I privately messaged my friend to explain my intent and I apologized to her for any hurt I caused by my status. In my past when I was wounded I was told I was choosing offense and lacking in spiritual maturity. I was later called names by this person. I saw them in a public place and they walked by and looked the other way. It was at this moment I could have chosen to be further offended, however I realized how wounded this person must be herself. Rather than discuss what happened, they chose to heap further insults and rude behavior. 

Sometimes offense is a choice. There are other times the choice lies in how we respond to offense. I do not believe offense itself is always bad. Jesus was offended at the merchants in the temple. It was their offensive behavior that led him to flip over tables and cause a scene. I know this contradicts what many preach, but sometimes offense is warranted. There are times offense spurs us into action. Then there are times when offensive behavior severs relationships and causes us to constantly think people are talking about us. We warn people to be careful what they post on social media because people who know of your disagreement will think everything you say is directed at them (yes, I was told this in the past). 

Ladies, we are called to show love to each other. I have found the more we walk in love, the less likely it is for offense to occur. If our motives are selfish and simply about what we want to do, how we want to act, etc. then offense tends to become commonplace in our lives. If someone has offended you, how do you handle the offense? Do you get mad and lash out? Do you block them on social media? Do you avoid them when you see them in a public place? Or do you show them love? Are you willing to issue grace? If we are all brothers and sisters in Christ, then should we not be willing to walk in love with one another? 

"Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself." Galations 6:1-3

Remember, we are called to assist our brothers and sisters in their walk. If they are exhibiting behavior that is offensive, then we are called to go to them in a spirit of gentleness and love. How they receive the correction is beyond our control. Examine your heart before approaching them and pray for God's word to fill your mouth. Pray for them to have receptive hearts. There are times God is nudging you to question a behavior, but you fear speaking up because of the person's level of authority. My children have questioned me at times and their observations were correct. Likewise, let us never discount the correction of those under our authority or be afraid of giving correction to those who are in authority over us. 

I pray each of you to receive discernment between unintentional offense and offense to the heart of God. Those who walk in hurt to others cannot walk in love at the same time. If there is a situation that needs to be addressed, then I pray for you to have the boldness to speak up. I wish I could tell you it will end well, but that is a promise I cannot make. I simply can assure you there is peace in your heart when you know YOU have done the right thing.

Women at the Well

Most of us are familiar with the story of the woman at the well detailed in John 4. I recommend reading the entire story, but here is the last part:

"“You have correctly said, ‘I don’t have a husband,’ ” Jesus said.“For you’ve had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have said is true.” "Sir,” the woman replied, “I see that You are a prophet. Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, yet you ⌊Jews⌋ say that the place to worship is in Jerusalem.” Jesus told her, “Believe Me, woman, an hour is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem.You Samaritans worship what you do not know. We worship what we do know, because salvation is from the Jews. But an hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth. Yes, the Father wants such people to worship Him.God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.” The woman said to Him, “I know that Messiah is coming” (who is called Christ ). “When He comes, He will explain everything to us.” “I am ⌊He⌋,” Jesus told her, “the One speaking to you.”Just then His disciples arrived, and they were amazed that He was talking with a woman. Yet no one said, “What do You want? ” or “Why are You talking with her? ” Then the woman left her water jar, went into town, and told the men, Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did! Could this be the Messiah? ” They left the town and made their way to Him." John 4:17-30

There are so many parts of this story that speak to me. What stands out the most is how this woman was scorned in her society. She was not the woman you wanted to be seen having conversation. She was the one you would have nodded to and indicated for her to meet you out back to talk so nobody would know you knew her. And yet Jesus is not phased in the least by her. He knows who she is and what she does. He cleverly calls out her sin by telling her to go get her husband and then telling her He knows all about her lifestyle. In today's society Jesus would have said, "You are right. You have a "friend."

I volunteer with a ministry here in Charlotte that focuses on women much like the woman at the well. Part of the ministry is to women who work in strip clubs. My friend is one of these women. She was telling me about a conversation she had last night with another girl at the club. She was telling her about Jesus because this other woman was saying she did not believe in Jesus because He had taken away her son (he had died). She also shared how she had a long conversation with one of the men in the club. This was also about God. It struck me how my friend is very much like this woman at the well. Those who know her are well aware of her profession. In fact, most church people avoid those like her. Or maybe they have compassion, yet say they would not know what to say to her. I am told this regarding going into the strip clubs to talk to the women there. Yet, if we have Christ in us, then shouldn't we be able to do all He did and more? If he could have a conversation with the woman at the well, then should we not be able to see the beauty and value of the modern day women at the well?

Just like this woman, my friend has encountered Jesus and she tells everyone about Him and what He has done. Her listeners are aware of her profession and what she does, and yet she is there witnessing to them. I think of how many of us are in church every Sunday. We serve regularly. We show up on a volunteer day at the soup kitchen or give a dollar to the guy holding a cardboard sign. But how many of us refrain from sharing our faith at work for fear of offending someone? My friend is still very young in her faith. Yet God is working in her life in a way that she can't deny and can't stop herself from sharing.

When was the last time you shared your faith with someone outside of the church walls? Do your coworkers know what you believe? Have they heard your story? What are you afraid will happen if you tell them what Jesus has done for you and in your life? I challenge each of you this week to share your faith with someone whom you have not shared before. I would love to hear your stories!

A Shot of Faith (To The Head) by Mitch Stokes, PhD

A Shot of Faith (to the Head) is an excellent read for those looking for ways to answer common questions raised against Christianity. The book focuses on arguments from Atheists, but the information given can be used with various audiences. Dr. Stokes provides both practical and scientific evidence for use in sharing the gospel with those who profess an atheistic belief.

I stepped a bit out of my comfort zone in reading A Shot of Faith (to the Head). It was definitely a challenge to me in many ways.  I can normally read a book relatively quick, however this one required much more thought than most reads. I have had many interactions with atheists and encountered many of the arguments addressed in this writing. I found this a book requiring completely undivided attention.

I found the chapter on evolution to be the most beneficial since this is a theory believed by many people, even Christians. The "arsenal" given at the end of each chapter is great to use as a reference when answering questions from unbelievers.

If you are easily challenged when reading, then this may not be the best book for you. I found it difficult to follow along at times and had to read some parts more than once. If there is an Atheist in your life whom loves to challenge you on theology, then this is a must read. The best way to respond to those who argue the scientific "proof" against God is to know the scientific arguments for God.

I'll Pray for You

When a need is made known to you, how do you respond? I ask because what I have often observed within the body of Christ is a standard answer given when people share a need. I think the most common response is, "I will pray for you" or "I will pray about it." I cannot help but wonder what would happen if this had been Jesus' response to those who sought Him. When coming to Him for the healing only He could give, what if He had responded to them by saying, "Ok, I will pray about it." 

Don't misunderstand. I know prayer is important and a very necessary part of our relationship with God. However, we must be careful to never let prayer become our excuse for inaction. If someone is in need of food and we have food, then why do we have to think about sharing? If someone is in need of clothing and we have extra, then why do we continue with our excess? I know it can become overwhelming to think of all the needs in our world. We are not called to provide for the world on our own. There are, however, times in our lives when we are directly approached by someone or a need is shared with us. It is in these moments that we must be wise in how we respond. 

I believe how we respond in these kinds of circumstances can be a mirror of our hearts. Do we respond with compassion as Jesus did or do we want to know how the person ended up in their situation before responding. The religious leader's of Jesus' day were experts at this type of judgment. When seeing an affliction on someone they wanted to know who had sinned. Did the afflicted sin or was it the result of the sin of their father? There are times we are more like the pharisees than like Jesus. If a need is shared and we respond by wanting to know all the details of how the person arrived in their current situation, then that is not being Christ-like. In order to be like Jesus, we should respond to the need and then seek to encourage change where it may be needed in order to avoid repeating the situation. 

Has anyone expressed a need to you recently? Do you have the means to meet that need? Oftentimes someone may not directly ask for help, but simply mention something happening in their life. Think about the people you know who may be in a difficult situation. Do they have a vehicle that may be in need of an oil change or new tires? Do they have children who need new shoes? Would a bag of groceries help them eat this week? Part of walking this Christian walk is remaining alert and aware to the needs of those around us. I would love to hear how you step out and help someone this week! 

Living on Faith

What is the crazy dream God has placed inside of your heart? 

Before you answer, I want you to pause and really think about this question. I'm not talking about the kind of dream you could accomplish on your own simply through hard work. Yes, that is often a requirement, but I'm talking about the kind of dream you know there is absolutely no way you could accomplish on your own. I'm talking about a God-sized dream. The kind of dream or vision that will require complete and total surrender in order to achieve. 

2 1/2 years ago God told me to leave my job of 13 years in the corporate world. What led to this was spending a week's vacation with my daughters in which we genuinely spent quality time together. Granted the vacation was at Disney, but that is not the point. When I returned to work my boss asked how my vacation was and before I could answer I simply started crying. She assumed that meant the vacation was bad, but what had caused me to cry was how much I enjoyed the time with my daughters and how after just one day back at work I was missing them. The week with them allowed me to see who they are as people and how much I was missing with them by being away 5 days a week for 12 hours a day. God had stirred in me the desire to be a "full-time" mom. 

Being a single parent, the idea of quitting my job seemed ridiculous to most people. Honestly, it seemed ridiculous to me too. God given visions rarely make sense. I had absolutely no clue how being a stay at home mom could possibly work for me. Yet I knew God was speaking to me and I trusted in His plans. People would ask what my plan was to provide for our family and my answer was a sincere, "I don't know." In order to appease people I would say I was thinking of starting an in home daycare. Growing up with a mom who did this career, I knew it was not really the right one for me, but it was something to tell people in order for them to leave me alone. 

I rarely get asked this kind of question anymore. I believe there were many people who expected me to fail. To be homeless. To fall flat on my face. I did have a car repossessed, but God provided a vehicle after that...for FREE. The lights have never been turned off. Once I had a friend of a friend on Facebook message me saying God told her to pay my electric bill. She saw a comment I made on our mutual friend's post. There have been people who have offered to give me gas money and then given enough to fill up my tank three times. These are all just a few examples of how God has provided for us. 

You could argue, "well, you can't always expect God to work like that." But the truth is that I kind of do expect Him to provide. When I left my job I knew that if God was leading me to take such a huge step of faith, then He was responsible for the outcome. God is not a failure. God cannot lie. God will not lead you to follow Him just to turn around and abandon you. Even though I have made many mistakes in the last few years, He has still remained faithful. 

God does not always show us the big picture of His plans. I've found He usually gives us just enough to stretch us. He speaks to us one step at a time and then waits for us to move. Shortly after leaving my job I was visiting a church where the pastor was preaching on God visions and he used the example of Abraham. I know it was God ordained for me to be there that day because the sermon has never left me. 

"The Lord said to Abram: Go out from your land, your relatives, and your father's house to the land that I will show you." Genesis 12:1

God did not give Abraham all the specifics at the start of his journey. He simply told Abraham to get moving away from what was familiar and he would fill him in on the details along the way. Read the rest of this chapter. Abraham took a lot of people with him. He was responsible for their provision. Yet, he trusted God's word. It's a great story!

What is the vision God has given to you? Is there a longing in your heart for something, but you have been so focused on all the details you have become paralyzed by inaction? Or maybe you have read this and thought, "I don't really have anything big God has shown me." Remember....my dream was simply to be home with my children when they needed me. God has made that happen. 

How will you trust Him today?


(I do run my own house cleaning business now....lest anyone think I sit at home all day eating ice cream.)

Increasing Compromise

What I feel led to write about today is not your typical New Years day kind of message. Although maybe someone reading needs to hear this as they start a new year in order to change the course direction they are currently heading. 

There is a trend of sorts I have observed happening among Christian women. These women are actively involved in church. They are living a life chasing after God. They worship unashamedly. Yet, what I have noticed happening time and time again is these women becoming involved with worldly men. I have been guilty of this myself. 

Why is this happening? Are there no Godly available men within the church? Does the blame lie in our own views of ourselves as not worthy of waiting for God's best for us? Do we live so much in our pasts that we refuse to see a future designed by our maker? 

Perhaps the blame somewhat lies on the men in the church. When it comes to "women with a past," are the men within the church unwilling or unable to see beyond our past mistakes? Being honest, I have often wondered if much of my singleness comes from having two children. Yes, with two different men. And no, I've never been married. My past sin is a bit more obvious than others. When I start to condemn myself I am reminded of the number of times mentioned in scripture the command to care for the widows and orphans. I know just how important myself and my daughters are to God because of the number of times we are mentioned in scripture. That said...why do so many of us compromise our values simply to have a boyfriend? A true man of God will see us through the eyes of God and recognize our heavenly worth.

Ladies, what I have observed about men is when they are truly ready to settle down, they will look for true "wifey" material. When they are playing games or possibly even playing house, then their standards are not as high as when they reach the place of wanting to find a mate for life. Which category are you willing to place yourself? As for me, I want to be the best woman of God I can be. 

I recently was thinking perhaps my standards for a man were too high. As I was having this thought I heard God speak to me saying, "It is because these are not YOUR standards. They are MINE." However, in the same way I have certain standards for any man who may enter my life, I have the same level of standards for the woman I want to be. 

I do not want to be a woman of compromise. I do not want to be a woman of weak, negotiable faith. If I can not be 100% real about my faith in a relationship, then I know it is not a relationship I should continue. If the subject of faith, scripture, and Jesus is off limits, then this would not be the man for me. If a man is unable to lead you in a Godly manner on a date, then why would you expect him to lead you in a Godly marriage? If he is unwilling to go to church now, at the time he should be pursuing you the greatest, then why would he make an effort later in the relationship? Ladies, he cannot lead you into sin AND lead you into a closer relationship with God at the same time. It is simply not possible. 

If you have seen yourself in what you have read here, please take some time with God and ask Him for direction. If you are in a relationship with a man that you know is not God's best for you....end it. Yes, just like that. I understand being lonely. I understand longing for a partner in life. However, being alone and lonely is nothing compared to being with someone who is causing you compromise your values and leading you away from the calling God has on your life. 

To those of you with children, I understand longing for a father figure in your home. My youngest daughter does not know her father at all so believe me when I say...I understand! I know the weight of the burden you are carrying. But I also know our heavenly Father is always there when we need Him. Even when we try to control everything on our own, He is still there. I hate to sound cliche, but He wants to be your bridegroom first and foremost above any man. He is our example. His love is what we should long for above any love this world has to offer. And His love is the love we are called to model in our own lives.

Look into the eyes of your children and picture the future mate you want for them. If you have a son, are you an example of the kind of woman you want him to find when he is older? If you have daughters, what kind of man would you pick for them? Is the current man in your life an example of what you would choose for your daughter? If not, then why do you not feel you deserve a choice as good as you would make for your daughters? After all, this is how God feels when He looks at you! 

My prayer for each of you today is that you would truly feel how much God loves you. I pray you would see yourself as valuable as your creator has made you. I pray you would have the courage to step into the unknown with God. I pray for a new level of trust to be revealed as you ask Him to guide you in all areas of your life. Even in the area of your current relationship. For those of you who are married I pray for a move in God in your marriage as both you and your husband grow in Christ and become the husband and wife He desires you to become.