Over the last few years I have heard many sermons on offense. Actually, it was really the same sermon repackaged every few months. There are books written about offense and how it relates to Christians. Bible studies are held addressing the subject. There are definitely lessons we need to learn in regards to offense and how to not become easily offended. It saddens me, however, to see how this topic has become abused.
First, let me give an example of when the bait of offense is picked up unnecessarily. This morning when I logged into my Facebook account I observed most posts were regarding the weather or school closings. I had posted yesterday stating I was cold. I made a joke asking, "Is this Facebook or the Weather Channel website? I'm so confused." A friend from high school was posting a status about the weather at the same time I posted mine. When she saw my status she took it personal rather than as a joke. She commented on my status with a direct insult. After explaining this was a joke she stated my status insulted her and she proceeded to unfriend me from Facebook.
This, dear readers, is what I believe is referred to as choosing to be offended by something that was never intended to offend. This is where she read something and instead of asking the intention or accepting my explanation of it being a joke (remember, I posted a status yesterday about the weather) she decided the route of anger and offense was her best choice. My heart was truly to never offend her.
There are other times when someone can be labeled as offended when it was not their choice to be offended, but a wound was caused by someone's offensive behavior. When someone talks about you and calls you names, then the hurt has crossed the "choice of offense" line. It is much easier to write someone off from our lives by saying they are just offended than to examine our behavior and ask God to show us if perhaps it is our behavior that is offensive. If the same offense happens often, then it is no longer someone else who is offended too easily. Repeated injury to others is a reflection of our hearts. If we constantly point out their offense, then we are excluded from examining ourselves. Offensive behavior never changes as long as we continue to blame others sensitivity or even spiritual immaturity for their offense.
When we do not seek to rectify the relationship it shows our own immaturity. I have had situations in my own life where I was scolded for being offended, when the reality was I was not offended, but had been deeply wounded by things this person and the leadership acting on their behalf had done. I wrote an apology for something that had hurt this person and never received a response from them.
In the first example I gave I privately messaged my friend to explain my intent and I apologized to her for any hurt I caused by my status. In my past when I was wounded I was told I was choosing offense and lacking in spiritual maturity. I was later called names by this person. I saw them in a public place and they walked by and looked the other way. It was at this moment I could have chosen to be further offended, however I realized how wounded this person must be herself. Rather than discuss what happened, they chose to heap further insults and rude behavior.
Sometimes offense is a choice. There are other times the choice lies in how we respond to offense. I do not believe offense itself is always bad. Jesus was offended at the merchants in the temple. It was their offensive behavior that led him to flip over tables and cause a scene. I know this contradicts what many preach, but sometimes offense is warranted. There are times offense spurs us into action. Then there are times when offensive behavior severs relationships and causes us to constantly think people are talking about us. We warn people to be careful what they post on social media because people who know of your disagreement will think everything you say is directed at them (yes, I was told this in the past).
Ladies, we are called to show love to each other. I have found the more we walk in love, the less likely it is for offense to occur. If our motives are selfish and simply about what we want to do, how we want to act, etc. then offense tends to become commonplace in our lives. If someone has offended you, how do you handle the offense? Do you get mad and lash out? Do you block them on social media? Do you avoid them when you see them in a public place? Or do you show them love? Are you willing to issue grace? If we are all brothers and sisters in Christ, then should we not be willing to walk in love with one another?
"Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself." Galations 6:1-3
Remember, we are called to assist our brothers and sisters in their walk. If they are exhibiting behavior that is offensive, then we are called to go to them in a spirit of gentleness and love. How they receive the correction is beyond our control. Examine your heart before approaching them and pray for God's word to fill your mouth. Pray for them to have receptive hearts. There are times God is nudging you to question a behavior, but you fear speaking up because of the person's level of authority. My children have questioned me at times and their observations were correct. Likewise, let us never discount the correction of those under our authority or be afraid of giving correction to those who are in authority over us.
I pray each of you to receive discernment between unintentional offense and offense to the heart of God. Those who walk in hurt to others cannot walk in love at the same time. If there is a situation that needs to be addressed, then I pray for you to have the boldness to speak up. I wish I could tell you it will end well, but that is a promise I cannot make. I simply can assure you there is peace in your heart when you know YOU have done the right thing.
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