Rest, But Don't Quit

     In 1 Kings, there are numerous stories of how Elijah is used by God to do great, powerful, mighty, supernatural things. He commands the weather in 1 Kings 17:1 by saying "there will be no dew or rain during these years except by MY command." (emphasis added) He is then guided by God to a place where he has access to water and is provided nourishment by the ravens bringing him food. When the water dries up for the lack of rain, that he commanded would happen, he is guided to a widow's house. While there, her supply of oil and flour multiplied so she never was out of supply. Her son passes away and Elijah raises him back to life. 

    Elijah leaves her house and then challenges the prophets of Baal to a "duel." God shows Himself real through Elijah in this encounter. Time after time God shows Himself to and through Elijah. Elijah was not unfamiliar with the realness of God. Elijah, of all people, knew the true God.  And yet....

    Elijah knew fear. Elijah knew exhaustion. Elijah knew doubt. Elijah knew frustration. After his encounter with the prophets of Baal, Jezebel tells him he will be just like them within a day's time. In other words, she said, by tomorrow, you will be dead. And he believed her. Elijah. Who has done all these mighty works through the word of GOD, hears the words of Jezebel and runs to hide. Oh dear Elijah, how I can relate to you. 

    In my 40 plus years of life, I have seen the power of God many times. I have seen people healed in ways doctors cannot explain. I have felt the presence of God so strongly I could not even stand. Working in ministry can be exhilarating, rewarding, and a great honor. But like Elijah, the word of the "world" can still cause me to want to run and hide. 

    Elijah runs after Jezebel's proclamation. He lays down under a broom tree and says "I've had enough. Just let me die." I think over this last year many of us have felt this same feeling. This is all too much. Just let it be over, in whatever way necessary. He saw God's people had abandoned their faith. They were not walking in the true ways of God (19:10). Elijah felt all alone in his faith and devotion to the true God. But don't stop with Elijah's story there. In response to his plea, an angel appears. The angel provides him with two days of water and food. God saw, and acknowledged Elijah's need for rest. He not only saw his need, but He supplied during his need. 

    GOD SEES YOUR NEED FOR REST. 

Once Elijah's strength is restored, God directs him to get up. Elijah's calling had not yet been completely fulfilled. Elijah is guided to find Elisha so he can pass his anointing on to someone else. Our experiences and walk with God are not simply for us. We are called to continue in our race until we have passed on our anointing to others. God will provide for us fresh nourishment to arise and complete this journey.

GOD WILL PROVIDE YOUR STRENGTH

God spoke to me today to stop beating myself up for resting. To stop feeling like a failure because those I've witnessed to have rejected His word and turned from truth.  He showed me, through scripture, that I am not the first person to feel like abandoning my calling and purpose. I can trust God to provide what I need to increase my strength to arise and continue this journey He has called me to. And if He will do it for Elijah, and for me, He can do it for you too. So rest, receive supernatural sustenance, and then arise. 

ARISE AND GO WITH GOD 

    

My Suicide Story

Today I heard the song Because He Lives. It's one I haven't heard in a while. Hearing it took me back to childhood and the many Sundays spent in a Southern Baptist Church. The lyrics are: 

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living, just because He lives

As I sang along with the lyrics I've sung hundreds of time, I heard them in a new way. What stood out the most was, "LIFE IS WORTH THE LIVING JUST BECAUSE HE LIVES."

So many people I know are fighting depression and suicidal thoughts. You can't hear a medicine commercial without hearing about possible side effects including suicidal thoughts. Things people take to help with depression may cause suicidal thoughts.  Teenagers are attempting and committing suicide at astonishing numbers. Children still in ELEMENTARY school are killing themselves. What used to be a "grown up problem" is now an everyone problem. What leads someone to this place of wanting such a permanent way out of life? No hope. 

I was once there. I attempted suicide when I was 17.  I counted out 100 pills from various bottles in the medicine cabinet at my home. I took all of them. Within about an hour I started feeling very ill. My mom wasn't home at the time I took the pills. Intense vomiting had started before she got home. I didn't tell her what I had done so she assumed I had a virus. For the next 24 hours I continued vomiting. I don't remember ever having second thoughts about taking so many pills in order to kill myself. I only remember regretting it because I was so sick. Once they all worked their way out of my system, I was fine. At least physically. 

Why did I do that? I had no hope. I had no relationship with the only person who gives REAL hope. I attended church. That didn't mean I knew Jesus. All I saw was the situation around me. I felt the pain of my life. I was tired of feeling pain. I was tired of abuse. I was tired of shame. I was tired of being called names. I was just tired. I wanted rest. Even if that meant death. These feelings didn't go away. Several months later I had a nervous breakdown. I started crying one day and simply couldn't stop. This led to a two week stay in a mental hospital. Yes, the highlight of my senior year in high school was two weeks in a mental ward.

While there I met many amazing kids. I heard their stories. I remember one girl had a dad who had been featured on Unsolved Mysteries because he left for work one morning and simply disappeared. I remember Nadia, who was schizophrenic. Yes, over 25 years later, I remember her name. I learned things while there that have helped me numerous times over the course of my adult life. But those things never gave me true hope. 

I encountered true hope when I met Jesus. We seek so many things to give our lives meaning. We seek relationships, friendships, the latest phone, experiment with sex, alcohol, drugs, and so many other addictions. We even will have children thinking they will give our lives meaning. We place unrealistic expectations on others to make us happy and give us purpose. We seek and seek in vain. It is only through accepting Christ that we can find our true purpose and identity. It's because He lives that we can live too. You CAN face tomorrow when you have a relationship with Christ. All fear CAN be gone. When you know who holds tomorrow, you no longer have to worry about what you may face there. 

If you are battling depression, don't stop fighting. If you need a friend to listen, I'm here. Don't hide in the shame of your thoughts. Satan would love nothing more than for you to take action and cancel the plan God has for your life. Because Jesus lives, you can face tomorrow. If you don't know Him, I would love to talk with you more about who He is and why He loves you so much.