Love

I'm going to forewarn you that I am almost in tears as I'm typing today's post. I want to share with you all something that has been on my heart for a while and the more I think on the subject, the more I feel I need to express the thoughts in writing. Some of you may get offended by what I am about to say. My prayer is that if this applies to you, God will speak to you through the words and change can happen.

The topic on my mind lately is the topic of love. It was interesting on Sunday when a guest pastor at my church preached on the definition of radical love. In his main points he discussed 4 dimensions of love when someone is grounded in Christ. I want to use his points to guide me through today's message. The first dimension is loving people who are bound in sin. As someone who has been bound in sin, I can tell you it is not fun. Someone bound in sin is hurting and in most cases they do not even realize the cause of their inner pain is their sin. The sin usually results as a search to fill a void inside. Whether the sin is alcoholism, drug addiction, sex outside of marriage, or even greed (excessive shopping and the need to always have more or better). I find it interesting how we attack those bound in sin, as if we need to add to their hurt. We often fail to understand someone's sin is just a symptom of a greater problem. It's easier for us to condemn their sin rather than do the work of understanding the root of the issue. I want to take this to another level and ask....how do you treat another believer who is struggling with a sin issue? If a marriage is struggling, do we reach out in love or in judgment and condemnation? If this happens in our own family, how do we react?

The second dimension of radical love is loving people of different cultures. I grew up in a very small town in the south. I'm not exaggerating when I say the races in my little world were black, white, Mexican, or Chinese. Seriously, that about covered everyone on the planet. At the age of 14 I began dating someone who was black. This did not go over well in my family. As a result of this I was called every name you can imagine associated with this relationship. My family knew nothing of this young man, only his race. That was all they needed to know in order to judge him. Since then I have dated men of many races and cultures. I moved to Massachusetts when I was 19 and was exposed to one of the most diverse populations in the country. I met people of races and from countries I had never knew existed. Cape Verde? Where in the world is that? What I learned by living around so many people who were first or second generation Americans is that there is so much beauty in all people.  No matter what our skin color or culture, our inner humanity is all the same. My life has been greatly enriched through my friendships with people of other cultures. Even know as I look at my closest friends, I love the rainbow of diversity. If we only surround ourselves with others who look like us, we are limiting the scope of our own growth as people. I would take this even further by asking do you also have friends in different socio-economic levels. I've recently noticed most people are friends with people in their same social class. Do you have genuine friendships with those who are "richer" and also "poorer" than you? I would challenge each of you to make the conscious effort to expand your circle of friendships to someone outside of your "comfortable" circle. Could you be friends with a homeless person?  Would it make you uncomfortable to carry a conversation with someone completely opposite from you?

The third dimension of radical love is loving your enemies. We often hear the scriptures about loving our enemies. Oftentimes, we fail to recognize who the word enemy could be referring. An enemy is anyone in opposition to you. An enemy could be the person you serve with at church who has a different opinion than you. Do you treat that person with love and respect or immediately discount their opinions? What about your spouse? When they disagree with you do you continue to show them love. You may not like them at the moment, but you are still called to love them. What about when a family makes choices that are not what you would choose for them. I think I need to repeat that one. What about people who make choices for their lives that are not what YOU would choose? Are you able to push through YOUR feelings and show them love? Maybe this applies to your parents. Can you love and respect them even when their choices are not all about you? I'm speaking to grown children here. Examine your hearts on this and who may be an "enemy" to you and ask God to show you how you can be more loving.

The fourth dimension of radical love is loving the hurting. This one is SO huge! Why is it when we see people who are hurting, we tend to hurt them more? So often within the church body, we do the exact opposite of what we are called to do. I'm not saying we are to ever encourage or condone sin. When I was living a life far from Christ, the people who constantly told me how wrong I was were not the people who drew me closer to God. It was the people who loved me in spite of my sin that led me to wanting to know more about God and His plan for me. We must always remember as Christians that we are Jesus' representatives here on earth. Jesus loved those who were hurting. Jesus did not stone them. The woman caught in adultery was hurting. Her choices were because of hurt in her life. Jesus saw through her actions and into her heart. What do we see in those who are hurting? Do our words cause even more hurt or do we speak words of healing? Hurting people hurt people. Sometimes we are hurt by others because they are hurting themselves. This was a huge realization to me in how I felt towards my 5 year old daughter's father. Once I could honestly evaluate his life and all the hurt and pain he had experienced, it was easier for me to let go of all the hurt he had caused me. This does not excuse a person's actions, but it helps to explain behavior. When you see someone who is hurting, do you turn the other way and ignore the pain or do you step outside of yourself to show them love and give comfort?

There are many scriptures on love. Here are a few to meditate on today.

Proverbs 17:9  "Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends."

Matthew 22:37–39  "Jesus said to him, 'You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'

John 15:13 "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends"  (are you willing to get out of your comfort zone and be inconvenienced to show love?)

1 Corinthians 13:1-3  "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."

Psalms 128

Today I am reading chapter 128 of Psalms and appropriately it is a verse about family. Here is the chapter in its entirety:

"All you who fear God, how blessed you are! how happily you walk on his smooth straight road! You worked hard and deserve all you've got coming. Enjoy the blessing! Revel in the goodness! Your wife will bear children as a vine bears grapes, your household lush as a vineyard, The children around your table as fresh and promising as young olive shoots. Stand in awe of God's Yes. Oh, how he blesses the one who fears God! Enjoy the good life in Jerusalem every day of your life.  And enjoy your grandchildren. Peace to Israel!" (MSG)

I read this verse and immediately think of the power of a husband and father. The verse references "your wife" so we know this scripture is directed to men who are married and have children. It can also be taken to heart by men who are single, but desire a wife and children in their future. Notice how all the blessings in this scripture are proceeded by ONE thing...a man who fears God. This translates into how a man leads his household. I had a conversation last night with a very close male friend of mine and he made a statement I found interesting. In referencing divorce, he stated no matter how it may appear from the outside, he believes 99% of all divorces are the mans fault. His explanation of this is that most men do not know how to lead their families or they take the responsibility lightly. If a divorce occurs because of a woman's behavior outside the home, it can usually be traced back to a man who is not leading in the home. This is very powerful stuff! Remember....it was a male who made this statement, so it's not me trying to "male-bash" or anything like that. 

Relate this back to the scripture we see here in Psalms, and I do not think he is missing the mark at all in his conclusion. If the head of the house is operating in a healthy fear and respect for God, he will lead his household in the same way. His home will be lush, meaning fruitful! It will be well taken care of and producing healthy fruit in the form of his offspring. The man is blessed who fears God and leads his family on the same path. If there is no fear or respect for God by the leader of the home, then children with little respect for authority are the result. I have seen it many times in my personal experience. Even having a father in the home can be worse than an absent father if his presence is not representative of the love of our Heavenly Father. Children will talk disrespectfully to their mother because they are not show how to respect her by their father. It is hard for a mother to command respect in the home if the father is always disrespecting her or not leading her in the way God commands.

With all this said, I would like to address any women reading this who are single. If you begin dating a man and can see he is not a leader, then you may want to reconsider the relationship. Having been single myself for a long time, I know how difficult this can be and the loneliness you may feel. However, how much better to be single and in peace than in a relationship or possibly marriage in which the man is unable to lead in the way God instructs?

Psalms 122

If you attend church, why do you go there? What is it that drives you to get out of a warm bed on Sunday mornings or give up your Saturday evenings to attend your house of worship? When you are there, is it just another part of you routine in life? Is it kind of like doing the laundry or washing dishes? There have been times in my life when I attended church out of a perceived obligation or feeling that going to church is simply something you should do every week. I am guessing many people have this same feeling judging by the jump in church attendance on Christmas and Easter. Somewhere inside most of us, there is a yearning to be within the house of God, even if only twice a year. I am asking these questions because chapter 122 of Psalms is all about the house of God.

"I was glad when they said to me, “Let us go into the house of the Lord. The Joy of Going to the House of the Lord Our feet have been standing Within your gates, O Jerusalem! Jerusalem is built As a city that is compact together, Where the tribes go up, The tribes of the Lord, To the Testimony of Israel, To give thanks to the name of the Lord.  For thrones are set there for judgment, The thrones of the house of David. Pray for the peace of Jerusalem: “May they prosper who love you.  Peace be within your walls, Prosperity within your palaces.”  For the sake of my brethren and companions, I will now say, “Peace be within you.” Because of the house of the Lord our God I will seek your good."


Notice the Psalmists says he was GLAD when asked to go to the House of the Lord! Going to church should never be something routine or done begrudgingly. There is peace there! If there is not peace there, then something is being done wrong. I'm going to just call it out like it is. If the people within the church congregation are causing strife or are causing others to not want to be there, then these are all issues that need to be addressed! One of the main focuses of the church I attend is on building healthy relationships. If there is someone gossiping or causing division within the body, it is addressed. If there is offense, we are encouraged to go to the offender and talk about what happened so as not to allow the offense to grow and fester. Too many times within the body of Christ we allow the enemy to destroy a place designed to be a house of safety and refuge. If we attend church only to talk about what Sally so-and-so did with Billy-whats-his-face then we seriously need to check ourselves and our heart.

At the idea of being in the house of God, our eyes should pop open early on Sunday because we are so eager to spend time with other believers! Why do we arrive at work early, yet get to church just after the offering plate is passed? As for me, I can't wait to be at church on Sunday! Actually, most Sundays I am there for most of the day (on the ones I serve). I may seem weird, but I LIKE to be there that much! I love seeing people coming into Gods house during all three services. I love watching as families come in and as the weeks, months, and years pass being able to witness the growth and transformation in their lives. Sometimes this happens not even through direct conversation, but by watching their eyes and their expressions! You can tell when someone is broken and lonely and also tell when later, as God has worked on their heart and they have found PEACE within the body of Christ, you see a light there you have never seen before!

My prayer for each of you today is for a fresh EXCITEMENT to come into your lives! An excitement so that you want to be in God's house more. I pray going to church does not feel like an obligation, but an HONOR! If you have a church home, and someone invites you to attend a Sunday evening service, I pray you become so hungry that you jump at the opportunity to go to church again! I pray for a hunger inside of you to simply have MORE of God! There is something amazing that happens when the people of God come to church with an EXPECTATION of meeting Him there!

Redeeming Everything

Tonight was a night of worship for my church as the worship team is preparing to record their first live album next month. All of the songs are original writings and arrangements, but I have heard most of them several times now. Some more than others. One of the songs tonight has three words that stood out to me and has stuck with me for the last couple hours. I have heard this line and sung this line many times over the last few weeks, but tonight was different. I love when God speaks to me that way! He often uses a familiar song or a familiar passage of scripture to speak to me in a way I've never heard the words before. 

The line I heard tonight simply said "You redeemed everything."  To make this really basic in explanation, I looked up the definition of redeem. To put it simply, redeemed means "to buy or pay off; clear by payment." I will not insult your intelligence by defining "everything." In the context of saying Jesus redeemed everything, it means He paid off everything for me. Seriously stop and think about that for a minute. That sin you have been working to overcome? He already paid it. The striving to be a better person so you can be "worthy" enough? He already covered that too. 

Another way of defining redeem is "to recover by payment or other satisfaction." Jesus redeemed us by making the payment for us through His sacrifice. So that we do not have to endure hell for eternity, He was willing to go there for us instead. For three days He battled satan. And He won. That battle you are fighting? He's already won it. That healing you are praying for? He's already healed it. He did it all in order to recover a relationship with YOU!

More personally, when I think of all God has redeemed in my life, I tend to focus on the major highlights (or sometimes low lights). Yet, it is not only the big things He has redeemed. Yes, He has brought an amazing healing and restoration to my relationship with my dad. Yes, He has been my faithful provision for over a year now (longer really, but my trust has been there fully for this last year). Yes, He is constantly transforming me more and more into the woman He originally created me to be. But even more so, He has redeemed me in the little things. He has truly redeemed everything. Yes...every thing. All the things I do not even remember doing that should have required some SERIOUS payment. He redeemed it.

He already redeemed it for you too. Are you willing to let Him?

Crushing Flowers

One morning last week I walked Olivia to school. In order to get to her school we have to walk through an empty field. Although there is no sidewalk, there is a worn path from people walking this same route. We were walking slightly off the path and on the grass. Scattered in the grass were little yellow flowers, or weeds. Olivia looks down and quickly jumps from the grass back onto the path. As she is doing so, she explains we are crushing the flowers! I questioned her on the accuracy of calling them flowers and she proceeded to tell me how beautiful they were and if we stepped on them they would die. 

For the last week I have been thinking about this conversation. Perhaps this is an example of why Christ said we should all become like little children. How many things do we view in life as "weeds." Yet, there is innate beauty within them. Perhaps we don't even realize we treat flowers as though they were weeds. I witnessed an example of this just one day after my conversation with Olivia.

My neighbor is a single dad of two. His children are a girl, about 14, and a boy, about 10. They were exiting their home on the way to school at the same time I was walking Olivia to her bus stop. On this morning, things at their house were apparently not going well. From what I could overhear, the argument of the moment was which child was going to ride in the front seat of the car. Most parents of more than one child has been a part of this battle. However, the father was not entertained with their behavior. The father screamed at the children informing them he was not in the mood for "this crap." (I'm quoting, yet editing his exact wording). I then heard him yell to the daughter "You just shut up! You don't have an opinion in this! You don't have a voice!"

Upon hearing this, I immediately flashed back to my 15 year old self and the verbal abuse I experienced from my mom's boyfriend. This dad was making the same type of crushing statements I heard throughout my teenage years. My instinct was to immediately insert myself into the conversation. My only thought at the moment was "what kind of an example of a man are you being to your daughter?" When she gets older and a man is abusing her, will you be surprised? How will she ever demand to be respected as the beautiful flower she is if her daddy treats her like a weed?

Thankfully my adult self met the Daddy who created me. I'm learning to listen to His words instead of the recording I heard as a teenager. I'm learning I'm not a weed. I'm more like the flower that has just come through a storm. While my stem may be bent and I look beaten up a little, I become a beautiful flower with her head held high again when in the presence of the Son.

I Thought It Would Be Easier

For some unknown reason, I thought today would be easier. This morning I released my five year old daughter into the great unknown....also referred to as public school. I know it is something millions of parents have done before and there are thousands others doing it just this week. However, this is different. She is my baby. She is the little person I've had the honor of sharing every day with for the last year since I have been working from home. I'm going to miss hearing "hey mom, guess what....I love you" said at random moments throughout the day. 

Until two weeks ago I was planning to home school her for Kindergarten. The information came for her teacher assignment and I was assured by several friends who knew the teacher that she is a wonderful, grandmotherly type of teacher. I met her and liked what I saw so I decided to give this school another chance. You see, my experience with this school in the past has not been a good one. My older daughter attended the same school and experienced horrific bullying and an overall lack of any type of real education. Her fifth grade year was lost. When we moved her to a private school she had to repeat fifth grade in order to make up the lost year. Needless to say, my trust in this school is not very high. And now, to release my baby into their "care" is scary. 

I know Olivia is strong. She is so excited to be going to school. I asked how many new friends she will make and she quickly replied "100!" And she might be right. Olivia loves people. When our neighbor comes home from work, Olivia runs out the door to tell her hello. If she sees a family member of someone she knows, she always says "tell ______ I said hi."  Even if that someone is their pet.

My prayer is that her spirit would not become hardened by the world. Today feels like a loss of innocence for her. At the bus stop this morning a little boy used the "F" word and was talking about another inappropriate subject. I asked him to please be careful in what he is saying around younger children. Not to mention the boy himself was too young to be saying such things. I know I have raised her with values and compassion. I pray she is strong enough to be a good influence on the other children instead of the of the other way around.

The hardest part of today is realizing she is growing up. There is no way to stop the process of time. Because of having an older child, I know within the blink of an eye she will no longer be in Kindergarten, but middle school. It seems like only a few weeks ago I was dropping her big sister off on her first day.

As I was walking with Olivia to the bus stop this morning she noticed some dirt on the side of the road and commented it looked like a horse. I guess now during the day I will have to take more time to look at the shapes of the clouds or even dirt on the ground and become more child-like myself. 

As I was helping her get ready this morning she was carrying around her blankie. The last thing she did before leaving was brush her teeth. As she walked out of the bathroom, she left blankie laying on the floor. It somehow felt symbolic to me. She was ready to leave behind her security and excited for what lay ahead of her. We should all view life the same way.

Psalms 78

Today I am reading Psalm 78. This is quite a long chapter and I recommend you read the entire chapter for yourself (http://www.youversion.com/bible/nkjv/ps/78/1). ; What I would like to focus on today is the beginning of the chapter.

"I'm chewing on the morsel of a proverb; I'll let you in on the sweet old truths, Stories we heard from our fathers, counsel we learned at our mother's knee. We're not keeping this to ourselves, we're passing it along to the next generation-God's fame and fortune, the marvelous things he has done. He planted a witness in Jacob, set his Word firmly in Israel, Then commanded our parents to teach it to their children So the next generation would know, and all the generations to come-Know the truth and tell the stories can trust in God, Never forget the works of God but keep his commands to the letter. Heaven forbid they should be like their parents, bullheaded and bad, A fickle and faithless bunch who never stayed true to God." Psalm 78:2-8 MSG

I love how the Message translation shares this verse. The "sweet old truths" that were shared by their parents. If you have a relationship with Christ and you have children, it is your responsibility to share your faith and the truth of Christ with them. This is true whether your children are two or thirty-two. We are the first and most influential witnesses in our children's lives. I grew up going to church, yet my parents never shared their PERSONAL faith with me. We never read the bible together or talked about what we had heard in church. Perhaps because of this lack of sharing, I did make many of the same mistakes my parents had made in their pasts. What I learned was that church was a place you went on Sunday, but was basically irrelevant the rest of the week. Before my mom passed away, I know her walk with Christ became very personal to her. I've seen changes in my dad over the last several years so I know His walk is different now too. In fact almost every time we talk now, there is mention of God and Christ. At my step-mother's funeral a couple weeks ago, I saw my dad raising his hands in worship. This is something I never recall him doing when I was younger.

Do you talk to you children about God in a personal, first hand kind of way. If they are older, do they know of your trust in Him. If He has provided for you, have you shared this with your children? Do you pray with your children? Do you ask them to pray for others? As I'm typing this, my 5 year old just walked into the room with the money she received from the tooth fairy last night and showed me the part she was putting aside for her offering. The rest she wants to use to purchase a birthday present for someone she knows (all $.75). My heart sings at her generosity! Are the fruits of the spirit being displayed in your children? Are they displayed by you?

My prayer for you going into this weekend is that your family's walk with Christ would become stronger. Try praying with your children and reading scripture together. Ask them for their input on what has been read. You might be surprised at just how much they understand! You might want to avoid Song of Solomon unless they are at least 16. :)

Psalm 69

Today we are reading Psalm 69. There are quite a few verses in this chapter and most are the Psalmist crying out to God for help. Maybe it's just me, but the Psalms seem to be a lot of whining and complaining. Perhaps it is just the ones that fall on Wednesdays and Fridays when I am writing. I read the chapter and think, "didn't I already read this?" As I had this thought, I had to laugh at myself. I wonder if that is what God thinks when I am whining to Him, yet again, about the same issue. Just as the Psalmist is repeatedly pleading for mercy from His enemies and for God to have His vengeance, we can also become stuck in a routine of our requests to God.

The part of this chapter that really struck a chord with me today is found in verses 5-6:

"O God, You know my foolishness; And my sins are not hidden from You.

Let not those who wait for You, O Lord God of hosts, be ashamed because of me; Let not those who seek You be confounded because of me, O God of Israel"

How many of our actions are foolishness to God? Not only do we do foolish things, but then we try to hide them from God! While we may be able to hide things from our fellow brothers and sisters, there is absolutely nothing hidden from God. The message last Sunday at my church was on wisdom regarding immorality. When I think of "secret" sins, sex tops the list of those that come to mind. Not simply the act of sex, but everything that goes along with it....lustful thoughts, conversations, and pornography to name a few. I mention this because for me, this is MY area of "secret" sin. This is the area in which I have struggled the most. However, by my sharing this with you, I find it becomes no longer secret. It is also the area in which when I find myself struggling or being tempted, I have friends I can confide in and who encourage me to remain true to God. They reassure me of the promises He has made regarding the man of God He has chosen for me!

Throughout my years of walking with Christ, there are times I have stumbled. When these things happen, the second part of the above verse speaks to me. I pray that anyone who is seeking HIM, never be confounded because of me. See, as humans we can often place too much trust and faith in people. We are commanded to follow Christ, never His followers. When we place too much blind faith in another human being, we set ourselves up for disappointment. There have been times I have confessed to a fellow sister in Christ and seen her surprise at my confession (I'm not referring to just sexual sin here, but any area of battle). One friend even said "wow, I always thought you were stronger than that." While I appreciate her admiration of me, those types of thoughts toward any human are misplaced.



We can all find ourselves subject to weakness. This is why it is SO important to choose our friends wisely. This is why it is so important to remain plugged into your local church community. This is why it is important to read the word of God. Maybe it's just me, but I find it very difficult to read scripture and then deliberately choose to do something sinful. It is because as we are reading scripture for ourselves, this is when we are communing with the Holy Spirit. We are inviting Him into our lives and it is then we can hear His voice more clearly.  



My prayer for you today is that if there is anything you are keeping in secret, that it would be revealed. Find someone you can confide in and share your struggles. Please choose wisely in your confidants! We all need someone in our lives who will speak the truth of God to us in love and not judgment. I also recommend finding someone who is more mature in their spiritual walk and perhaps has walked the road you are on or one that is similar. They will understand where you are and can also provide the assurance that it all will work out and choosing God's path is always worth it!

Psalm 67

Psalms 67 is a chapter all about praise. There are times in life when praising God seems to be the very last thing we would want to do.

Family has turned their backs on us.

Your children have lost their minds and manners.

A close friend betray us.

The finances are non-existent and the bills keep coming.

We just lost a job.


The list of reasons we could choose to not praise God would take hours for me to list. However, there is the other side of the tale....



We woke up this morning. Not only did we wake up, but most of us woke up in a comfortable bed with shelter over our heads.

Our children cleaned their rooms without us asking and spent several hours playing together rather than fighting.

A card just arrived in the mail from a friend who knew you needed something to make you smile and a reminder that you are loved.

Family relationships which were once strained and now healing.

The sun is shining providing us with vitamin D...for free.

If you are reading these words, you have sight to see. You also have internet!

Even though funds are low or gone, you look around and see you have absolutely everything you need.

You lost your job, but now have more time to spend with your children and build friendships you never had time for before.


Perhaps you read the above list and think, "yeah, those all sound great, but......you don't know ___________ that is going on in my life."  Well, I have one more reason for you to offer praise:

Jesus came to earth, died in your place, so you can conversate and spend ETERNITY with the one and only God! Hello! The maker of the universe sent His SON for YOU!

No matter what is happening in your here and now, there is always a reason to sing praises! Nothing on earth compares to the love poured out by Christ at Calvary. No bill, no death, no argument, no hardship, no NOTHING!

"Let the peoples praise You, O God; Let all the peoples praise You.
Oh, let the nations be glad and sing for joy! For You shall judge the people righteously,
And govern the nations on earth. Selah
Let the peoples praise You, O God; Let all the peoples praise You." Psalm 67:3-5

Forgiving

Just as I was about to sit down to write on Psalm 60 yesterday, I received a phone call from my dad letting me know my stepmother passed away. May 20 of this year she was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer. That's only two months and 9 days. 70 days from diagnosis to going home to Jesus. In my conversations with Ruth after her diagnosis she never once complained. Not one time did she say anything negative. Her only concern was for my dad and how he would handle all of this after she was gone.

I am at a place of extreme mixed emotions right now. My relationship with my dad and stepmother was non-existent for about six years. Offense built on offense until it reached the place of not speaking. During this time of non-communication my youngest daughter Olivia was born. It was very hard to have a child and not have the support of either of my parents (my mom passed away in 1999). There were things that happened in my childhood on the part of my dad that led to the initial offense. The timing in my life when Ruth entered was not ideal and definitely not in receptive circumstances. Over the years many hurtful words were spoken from both sides. Racism played a huge role in our not communicating. For those who do not know, both my daughters are bi-racial.

What reopened the lines of communication was the death of my grandmother, my dad's mom. We were both at her funeral and it was the first time in years we were in the same place at the same time and had no option but to speak. The initial conversation was rough to say the least. I will not go into details, but only say I was literally backed into a corner and confronted regarding a conversation that had occurred several years prior. It was my stepmother who intervened and apologized to me and said she had told my dad to let it go. It was time to get over the past and move forward towards healing. After this meeting, I saw them a couple times as they were passing through the Charlotte area and we talked frequently on the phone.

It is a strange place to be right now. I'll be honest in saying I have no idea what the future holds in regards to my relationship with my dad. I am still in the process of healing from childhood wounds. Wounds he never remembers making and swears he never did. In my heart, I feel he is telling the truth by saying he doesn't remember ever doing the things he has been accused of doing. Not the truth in that he never did them, but the truth in that he does not remember. Somehow, this offers me the grace to forgive. As I've prayed for God to show me him and my stepmother as He sees them, I've come to view them with my eyes now at 34 and not my eyes at age 4, 14, or 24.

My prayer for each of you today is in regards to any relationship you have that needs to be reconciled. I've heard it said best that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. When you refuse to forgive, you only hurt yourself. This is not to say that what happened to you is okay. Hurt is hurt no matter if it was intentional or unintentional, mental, physical, sexual, or emotional. Yet being a victim in you past does not have to make you a victim in your present or your future. The choice to forgive and move forward is completely up to you. I am also not promising it will be an instant occurrence. The enemy will fight to keep you within the prison of your offense and unforgiveness. He knows that as long as you are trapped there, you will be ineffective to God's kingdom. He knows the scriptures say:

"But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:15

"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25

" “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." Luke 6:37

These are just a few examples of scripture that tells us the number one reason why we have to forgive others. We cannot be forgiven if we are unwilling to extend forgiveness and grace to others. It's just that simple. None of us are guaranteed a tomorrow. If the person you are angry with died today, would there be words left unspoken that could have brought healing? If you died today, what would you want people to remember about you? Would it be that you were forgiving or that you refused to practice the grace you claimed to have through Christ?

Psalm 51

Today I am reading Psalm 51. It is a beautiful, heartfelt scripture of repentance. David wrote these verses after his affair with Bathsheba and he has realized the full extent and consequences of his actions. When we consider the sins of David, we often look at the people who were affected by his actions. The same is often true with our own sins or the sins of those closest to us. A spouse cheats and we see the hurt it causes the whole family. Someone steals and we see the effect on the person stolen from. A murder is committed and we see the ripples through those who loved the one murdered. What we often do not consider is the One who is sinned against the most. David "got" this.

"You're the One I've violated, and you've seen it all, seen the full extent of my evil. You have all the facts before you; whatever you decide about me is fair. I've been out of step with you for a long time, in the wrong since before I was born. What you're after is truth from the inside out. Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life." Psalm 51:4-6

David acknowledges to God that God is the one he has sinned against. More so than any person on earth, it is God we sin against. I love that David does not attempt to excuse his behavior or place blame anywhere else. He humbly comes to God and states whatever God's judgment, it would be fair. Like many of us when we fall into temptation, David shares he has been out of step with God for a long time. Falling into temptation is rarely an instant event. From my own experience I know it is much easier for me to fall into temptation when I have distanced myself from God. This includes not reading my Bible, attending small groups, and isolating myself from Christian friends. When we are sinning, we often remove ourselves from people who are close to God in their walk. Even though they may not know of our sin, our own conviction becomes too great to be around those who exude God's presence in themselves. I've seen it happen both in myself and in others who are straying from God. I have known when friends are battling their demons because they withdraw from community.

I find verse 7 humorous to me this morning because last night I dreamed I woke up and it was snowing outside. I posted this on Facebook and a friend commented it was because God has cleansed me white as snow. Verse 7 says this: "Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean, scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life." My life has been anything but snow-white. Yet, through the blood of Jesus, it's as if I've never sinned.

David continues to write " God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life." Wow. Think of the week described in Genesis. God created the entire universe from NOTHING. We may look at our lives and see chaos and nothingness. However, God can use even out chaos, our mess, our nothing to make something beautiful. David knew he had made a mess of his life. He also knew God could take that mess and turn it into something to be used for His glory. No matter what you have done, or how messy your story is, God can use it to lead others to Him. David pleads for God to breathe holiness into him, put fresh wind into his sails, to commute his death sentence so he can sing praises, and to let loose his lips. The request David makes that has resonated with me the most is this: "Give me a job teaching rebels your ways so the lost can find their way home." This sounds like the great commission to me! There is no greater mission for us to have than to seek out those who are rebelling and help guide them home. How would you describe "HOME"? To me, it is a place of safety and peace. It is comfort. It is where you can relax and be yourself without any facade. It is a place to be naked (stop laughing!). Many in rebellion are simply seeking the place where they can be all of these things.

Lastly, David acknowledges what God truly wants from us....sincerity.

" Going through the motions doesn't please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice." Psalm 51:16-17

My prayer for each of you today is to have a fresh revelation of God. If you feel you have simply been going through the motions, I pray today you see how to change the motions into sincere worship. As much as it hurts when it happens, I pray God shatters your pride. It is when you allow yourself to be shattered that God takes notice and it is only in our brokenness that He can piece us back together as He sees us.

Psalm 44

Today I am reading Psalm 44. This chapter begins with the author describing how his people have heard of all the things God has done in the past. He lists how in the past God helped win battles and caused afflictions to the enemies of His people. He describes how God's favor protected his ancestors in their time of need. As I read the list, I wonder how many of us say these kinds of things to God, but then we stop at what God did for someone else. Is God personal to us or is He someone we talk about in terms of what He has done for others? Do we believe in God because it is what our parents taught us or have we examined our beliefs at a personal level?

Verse 4 begins " You are my King, O God". The author is making his personal declaration of how he views God. He then proceeds to state what He knows God is capable of doing in his own life. The psalmists transitions from God doing in the past to what He can do in the future. It is always good to acknowledge what God has done in the past, but we must never stop there. There is so much more God wants to do in our present and our future. We must remember to ASK!

"Through You we will push down our enemies; Through Your name we will trample those who rise up against us.  For I will not trust in my bow, Nor shall my sword save me. But You have saved us from our enemies, And have put to shame those who hated us.  In God we boast all day long, And praise Your name forever." Psalm 44:5-8

Notice how the author states he will not trust in his bow or his sword. What "weapons" are you clinging to in hopes of changing your situation? Is it a relationship? Perhaps a job (money)? Do you lie awake at night trying to figure out how to fix your situation? Or do you lie awake praising God for all He has done, is doing, and will do in your life? I will be the first to admit there are times when it feels as if God is not doing anything in our lives. We find ourselves living in pain, be it physical, emotional, mental, or financial. We may think God is not doing anything in the midst of what we are going through. If you are feeling as if God is not listening, take heart! The Psalmist felt the same way!

" Awake! Why do You sleep, O Lord? Arise! Do not cast us off forever.  Why do You hide Your face, And  For our soul is bowed down to the dust; Our body clings to the ground. Arise for our help, And redeem us for Your mercies’ sake. forget our affliction and our oppression?" Psalm 44:23-26

Know that God never sleeps! Even when we do not see Him in our lives, He is always at work. Right now I am experiencing some serious financial battles. Through it all, I am seeing how God is teaching me to budget and handle my finances more responsibly. I realize how looking in from the outside, it would be hard to see how this is true. I no longer have a car, my phone is temporarily disconnected, and there is very little in my bank account at the moment. Yet the peace I have in my life is so far beyond anything I can explain! I am learning how to be content in all things. I'm learning how to appreciate what I have instead of focusing on what I do not have. I'm learning how much money I wasted on things that were not necessities in my life. Now, I know it may be hard to see how a car is not a necessity. I know it is, but the amount of the monthly payments I was making is definitely not a necessity. Years ago I committed myself to a payment that far exceeded a wise amount and led to me not being a good steward of the finances God had given me.

I also know God has been dealing with the issue of pride in my life. You become very humble when you have to ask others for a ride to church, the grocery store, or to work! Pride tries to keep us quiet about whatever situation we are dealing with personally. Pride tells you to keep it to yourself because what will others think if they know the truth about you.

What is the situation in your life right now in which you feel God is not listening? What is it that He could be trying to teach you through this trial? Personally, I think God waits for us to listen to the lesson before He takes action. Remember, He never sleeps or ignores us when we call out to Him. I pray today you spend time seeking Him and asking what it is He is trying to teach you at this current stage in your life.

Psalm 39

As I read Psalm 39 today, there are two topics speaking to me. The first is a reminder of the power of our tongue. It is not so much a reminder of the power of our words, but in having wisdom of when to not speak and when to speak. A sure sign of maturity is the level of "opinion" someone gives. We all know people who voice their opinion on everything and they do not care who hears, who knows, or who is even listening. The Psalmist writes in this chapter of restraining his tongue, even with a muzzle. I find this verse very assuring! The author is acknowledging the strength sometimes needed to refrain from saying words that are better left unsaid!

The next verses are an admonition of the penalty for NOT speaking when God is prompting us to speak.  Many of my regrets in conversations are not the words I said, but more the words I know I should have said, yet did not. The Psalmist writes here of the sorrow he felt after refraining from speaking good. Have you ever had a situation you walked away from and felt sad for not obeying God's spirit in the conversation? It could be with a friend, family member, or a stranger in the grocery store. There are times God has prompted me to give a word of encouragement to a stranger and because of my own insecurities regarding what they would think of me, I was not obedient. I have to admit I left the situation very sorrowful!

"I said, “I will guard my ways, Lest I sin with my tongue; I will restrain my mouth with a muzzle, While the wicked are before me.” I was mute with silence, I held my peace even from good;  And my sorrow was stirred up. My heart was hot within me; While I was musing, the fire burned. Then I spoke with my tongue: .  "  Psalm 39:1-3

The second topic speaking to me in this chapter is that of realizing the temporariness of our time here on earth. The words the Psalmists does speak are words to God of being reminded to acknowledge our time here. Death is something of a taboo subject. It's not exactly a happy subject for most people. However, our time here on earth when compared to eternity is so extremely temporary! The reality is each one of us have eternal life. The question each of us must answer is where will we spend that time? However, we also need to recognize our salvation through Christ is not only a "get out of hell" card. Salvation through Christ begins in this life. It starts here and now. The day you accept Christ as your savior is the day your eternal life in heaven begins. Christ wants to not only give you heavenly residence, He wants your life healed and restored here on earth also.

The Psalmist writes "And now, Lord, what do I wait for? My hope is in You" in verse 7. (Sidenote: I'm fighting the urge to include another Third Day song here!) These two topics come together when viewing how our words will echo for eternity. Do our words give hope, encouragement, and help guide others to know the love of Jesus? Or do our words demean, destroy, and do more to turn people away from Christ than guide others to Him?  Everything we do has some kind of consequence. The consequences are often never seen by us in our flesh. However, I believe in heaven we will be shown some of those "ripples" from an action or conversation we had, or did not have, while here on earth.

My prayer for each of you today is to recognize opportunities, as they are presented, to make a difference in someone's life. If you do not have a personal relationship with Jesus, I pray today is the day you accept His love and the hope only He can provide. If you have accepted His forgiveness, but are not walking as if you were free, I pray today is the day you begin experiencing His freedom. I'm praying for you!

Psalm 36

I absolutely love the way the writer begins chapter 36 of Psalms. "An oracle within my heart...." is the way the author chooses to begin sharing his heart. As he is contemplating the wicked people; he is seeing their irreverence for God and lack of fear. We all have some kind of fruit for our actions. We are most familiar with the fruits of the spirit, but what are the fruits of turning away from God. In this chapter we read disrespect for God leads to pride, wicked words, deceitfulness, lack of wisdom, and evil actions.

" An oracle within my heart concerning the transgression of the wicked: There is no fear of God before his eyes.  For he flatters himself in his own eyes, When he finds out his iniquity and when he hates.  The words of his mouth are wickedness and deceit; He has ceased to be wise and to do good.  He devises wickedness on his bed; He sets himself in a way that is not good; He does not abhor evil."  Psalms 36:1-4


I find it interesting the Psalmist moves from describing the wicked straight into God's mercy. As much as we love God's mercy for ourselves, it is sometimes difficult to see God's mercy extended to those who have hurt us or we view as wicked. God's faithfulness stands not only for us, but for anyone who calls on His name and repents of their sins. There is also nothing that can compare to his righteousness and His justice. He is our avenger and we do not need to attempt to do His job while we are here on earth. Our society is all about "justice" and what is "right" or "fair." As I think of how God's love works, it hardly seems fair at time. Then again, it seems unfair to me after all I have done in my life that He still loves me the way He does. Not only does He love me now, but He always loved me. From the creation of the earth to infinity, He loves me.

"Your mercy, O LORD, is in the heavens; Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.  Your righteousness is like the great mountains; Your judgments are a great deep; O LORD, You preserve man and beast.  How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings. They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house, And You give them drink from the river of Your pleasures.  For with You is the fountain of life; In Your light we see light." Psalms 36:5-9

We can not only trust Him, we can trust in His shadow. That is how strong the love and faithfulness of God is to us! When we place our trust in Him and all He has to offer us, we find ourselves abundantly satisfied. I look around at the state of our world and so many people spend their entire lives chasing after an illusion of satisfaction. True satisfaction can ONLY be found within the love of Christ. Just as was spoken to the woman at the well, when we drink from the water of Christ, we will never thirst again!

The Psalmist ends with a plea for God to not end His love and to honor those who are upright in their ways. His request for protection from pride resonates with me. This is one area we, as humans, can find ourselves easily ensnared. This is an area God has been pointing out to me in my own life over the last few months. As soon as my pride says I would never do ________, is when I find opportunity arises for me to do the exact thing I say I would never do! We can also believe we have conquered an area of weakness, but easily forget it is only through the help of Christ and by staying in the Word that we are able to walk a straight(er) path. I say straight(er) because I'm not sure mine has been all that straight! Just as the Psalmist, my plea to God is to never let the hand of the wicked drive me away from God. I pray for His protection from evil and from falling to iniquity. I have found as long as I stay under His shadow, everything works out for the best!

"Oh, continue Your lovingkindness to those who know You, And Your righteousness to the upright in heart.  Let not the foot of pride come against me, And let not the hand of the wicked drive me away.  There the workers of iniquity have fallen; They have been cast down and are not able to rise." Psalms 36:10-12

Psalms 31

Where do you place your trust? I know the quick and easy answer is to reply your trust is in God. Is this really the truth? It is so easy to think our trust is fully in God, but yet we watch the stock market daily, follow the actions of our government with critiquing eyes and activism, or place our trust in our boyfriend, spouse, parents, or other family members. I know in my own life something has happened and I've been disappointed and betrayed and one of my first thoughts is "but I trusted you." There is a big difference in trusting someone and trusting IN someone. Only God is worthy of our trust. Only God can save and rescue us from entrapment. Not our government. Not our money. Not a person.

"In You, O LORD, I put my trust; Let me never be ashamed; Deliver me in Your righteousness. Bow down Your ear to me, Deliver me speedily; Be my rock of refuge, A fortress of defense to save me" Psalms 31:1-2

As I read further through this chapter, I see similarities in my life and David's. Yes, I know it is a big step to compare my life to someone as great as David, but in reality, he was just as human as each one of us. It is easy to read the bible and all the amazing stories of the great things the men and women in these stories did and find ourselves in awe. Yet, we have been created for just as great things as each person written about in scripture. The beauty of the Psalms is reading not simply of the acts of an individual, but gaining an insight into the thoughts and emotions of David and others. It is like reading a newspaper article and then having access to the hero or heroine's journal or blog to get the emotional side of the story.

In Psalms 31, David sees his enemies trying to trap him. I see this in my own life. I have seen a glimpse of the vision God has for my life. Satan has seen this also and he is not willing to give up easily. Our enemy knows our weaknesses and sets traps to ensnare us. He knows if he can distract us from the ministry or mission God has given us, then we will not be able to fulfill our potential in Christ.

"Pull me out of the net which they have secretly laid for me, For You are my strength. Into Your hand I commit my spirit; You have redeemed me, O LORD God of truth." Psalms 31:4-5

This is again where we must examine our trust. If we trust in things or people, it becomes easy for the enemy to entrap us. If our trust is in money, he will use money to control us. Mammon is an idol and can easily trap us if we place our trust in it rather than trusting God as our provider. When we pursue God's call and plan for us, He will always make provision. If a relationship is where we put our trust, the enemy will bring unhealthy relationships into our path to pull us away from our relationship with Christ.

Trusting fully in God is something I have to be vigilant about pursuing. In this world, it is easy to become distracted by false idols. We are surrounded by them! However, the reward for trusting only in God is so far beyond anything this world has to offer! Trusting Him brings us peace and contentment. It is a peace and contentment nothing in this world can offer!

"Oh, how great is Your goodness, Which You have laid up for those who fear You, Which You have prepared for those who trust in You In the presence of the sons of men! You shall hide them in the secret place of Your presence From the plots of man; You shall keep them secretly in a pavilion from the strife of tongues." Psalms 31:19-20

Psalm 27

My reading today in Psalm 27 contains a much quoted verse of scripture in the first verse. "The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear?" is a verse I've heard used many times by numerous authors and pastors. As I've read through the rest of this chapter, I've seen there is so much more to this chapter than just the first verse. The verse that grabbed my attention and I read several times is verse 4.


"One thing I have desired of the LORD, That will I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to inquire in His temple."

David writes here of his one desire. The only desire he has is to dwell in the house of God all the days of his life. He longs to see the beauty of the Lord and to spend time with him. As we continue reading this chapter, we see the results of seeking God above all else in our life. When we are in trouble, God will protect us when we are seeking Him. He sets us in high places of protection. When in battle, the higher ground always has the advantage. You are able to see the enemy approaching from miles away and are able to prepare for battle. The same occurs for us when we are spending time with God and seeking Him above all else. He opens our eyes to see when the enemy is approaching and He prepares us for spiritual battle.

Seeking God above all else allows us to stand tall in the face of our enemies. It is easy to read this and immediately picture the face of someone you consider your enemy. However, we only have one true enemy. A person is never our enemy. Flesh is not our enemy. The lies of satan is our enemy. Satan is who deceives people with his lies and they in turn behave in ways not intended for them by God. They make choices that are ungodly, and in turn can cause us pain and hurt. When we are actively seeking God, we are able to recognize when satan is at work and God helps us to hold our heads high even when people have harmed us. Though the pain of hurt, our closeness to God allows us to continue to praise Him. We not only offer our sacrifice of praise, but we can do so with joy!

When God instructed God to seek His face, David replied not only with his head or his words, but with his heart. It was not out of knowledge that he sought after God, but with all of his heart. He pleaded for God to never forsake him or turn away from him. Even if his parents forsake him, he knows he can survive it all as long as God is still with him. Our world is full of hurting people because so many of us have idols in our lives. An idol is so much more than a statue we offer prayers to. An idol is ANYTHING that is placed in higher position in our lives over God. This can be our children, husband, friends, jobs, money, sports teams, or even our position with our churches. If we are serving in order to simply maintain a title or position of respect within the church, this can become an idol. Are you serving simply to be seen or respected or are you serving out of your love for God. Do you serve only where it's convenient (i.e. short amount of time commitment required) or are you serving where God is calling you? (I feel like I've digressed greatly here, but perhaps there is someone who needed to hear this).

In verse 13, David writes he would have lost heart had he not believed in the goodness of God. He believed in God's goodness because God was all he was seeking. No matter what happened to David, he could praise God because he knew God was his strength. The God of David is the same God who wants a relationship with you. The same strength given to David can be given to you. The same joy of David can invade and take over your heart. The first step is to seek Him. I pray you take time this weekend to seek God. Turn off the television. Drown out the chaos around you, and seek Him. No matter where you currently are in your walk, you can seek Him. If you've never accepted Christ as your Savior, today would be a great day. If you've accepted Him in your life before, but have strayed, it's a great day to come home. If satan has been telling you it's not possible to spend time with God after all you've done, today is the day to stop believing that lie. God loves you no matter what and He's waiting for you to seek Him....above all else.

That Just Happened

In my life I've been physically, sexually, verbally, and emotionally abused. I've experienced parental divorce. I lived with mom's alcoholic boyfriend and had visits with dad and the "other" woman who later became my step-mom. I've dated men who committed crimes. One even murdered a man during the time we were dating. While at a boyfriends house once I found his work badge and discovered he had been lying to me for six months about what his real name was. There are times I've discovered I was the other woman and times when I came home and found another woman in my house. There is no name, insult, or accusation you could make to me that I have not already heard at some point in my life. Both my children were born without their fathers present. Both men chose not to be there at the time and one has not been seen in five years. My mom died at 54, only 3 months after my first daughter was born. A period of 6 years passed without communicating with my dad. After only two years of working to reconcile with him and my stepmom, my stepmom now has stage 4 liver cancer and I face losing a mom for the second time in 12 years.

By this point you are probably wondering why I am writing about all of these horrible events in my life. I list these things only to say very little in life surprises me anymore. When you have been through everything I have in a relatively short amount of time, you grow to expect the unexpected. You know people are capable of extreme hurt and betrayal. However, something happened to me today that has left me grasping for comprehension.

Near the beginning of this year I began dating someone who I have known for many years. Things were going great, or so I thought. We were spending quality time together, going on dates, and beginning to talk about having a future together. As recently as three weeks ago he was telling me how much he loved me. Yet, I noticed he was pulling away. He explained it was because of various stress factors in his life and that he simply needed to take some time away to regroup. He assured me he still loved me and his feelings had not changed. He simply wanted to resolve his issues before fully committing to me. This was two weeks ago. Today I found out he is now married. He married his daughters mother last week. It does not take a rocket scientist to do the math on this one.

I have been struggling for the last few hours to find the appropriate words to express how I feel about this turn of events. First, I am thankful that God delivered me from a relationship that would have been full of drama. Next, in all honesty, I thought I was going to physically be sick. Yes, literally. The level of disgust I feel is beyond belief. At some point I started laughing. Laughing as I think...wow, I just dodged THAT nightmare of a future! My next thought was "wow, God you must have someone absolutely, unbelievably amazing for me because I have seen mediocre and known it would not have been nearly good enough for me."

I know that in time the shock will fade. It has already begun a little as I look at the situation from the outside and feel sadness for all parties involved. Marriage is a serious thing and should only happen when God joins both parties together and when wise counsel has been sought after on the matter. I wish neither person ill will and pray God will bless their future together.

All of this simply leaves me saying...wow. That. Just. Happened.

Ready To Play Ball

I feel like it has been a while since I've truly written about what has been on my heart. I go through seasons of writing frequently and then a dry spell of not writing anything at all. But like a sickness that never leaves, the thoughts, emotions, and feelings eventually are too much to be contained. The urge to release the scrambled chaos within my brain is too strong to avoid any longer.

Most recently I've been processing my thoughts and feeling towards relationships. More specifically I've been wondering if it is feasible to maintain hope that "the one" is out there somewhere looking for me. I am intentional in stating "looking for me" because I know the scripture says "he who FINDS a wife". I know the order in which the search is supposed to occur. What I have found in my experience with the male species, is most of them expect a female to chase them. Wait. What? Yes. Maybe it has simply been due to my keen sense of attracting men who are not looking for a serious relationship. Or the ones that have a serious relationship and want to talk to me on the side.

I want to clarify I am not trying to bash men in any way here. I am simply sharing the things recently weighing on my mind. I do realize perhaps the lack of any male friendships or interactions has been God's way of protecting me from harmful relationships. For His protection I am truly thankful!

I'll be really honest. I'm fully aware of the picture seen when looking through the window into my life. Being a 30 something, single mom of two narrows down the relationship options tremendously. Especially when you add the 'devoted follower of Christ who is not willing to compromise myself just to have a date' tag to my description. Most of the "good" single Christian men are still in their 20's and definitely not interested in an older woman with bonus blessings in tow. Or maybe I just need to find another church.

To further raise the stakes in my dating scenario, I know God has a big call on my life. Despite, or perhaps because of, the testimony I have lived, the sins I have committed, the lessons I have learned, I know God wants me to be vocal about my past. This includes sharing my testimony in public. Very little of my past reads like a top ten list of qualities in a Godly wife you can be proud to bring home to mama. However, without my past I would not be who I am today. Without the lessons learned the hard way, oftentimes only passing on a retest, I would not have the first-hand knowledge of the God I serve. I would not be able to assure you of His transforming power if I had never lived it myself.

Through all my years of singleness, I have learned what it means to fully rely only on God to be my provider and my husband. I have been able to go through the healing process I so desperately needed. It is called a process because I experience days where the scars become more visible and the area around the wound tender.

So where does this leave me on the relationship playing field? Do you remember playing baseball when you were younger and there was always the kid hanging out the entire game in right field just waiting for a chance to get in on the activity? Occasionally some action happens out there.....a piece of trash blows across the field or a butterfly floats by. The butterfly looks pretty, but is not there to stay. The trash is what was discarded by someone else and has no use being on the field. This is how I feel. I'm at attention, glove ready, on my toes, just waiting for the ball to be hit into my side of the field. When it does, I will be ready and it will be beautiful.

Doing ALL Things

For reasons I don't care to disclose, I'm having a really hard, emotional day today. When I'm having these times of trying to understand things that can't really be understood, I do the only thing I know how to do...I read my Bible. When nothing else in my world is logical, God's Word never fails to speak to me. Even when I am having a hard time seeing the words through my tears, His voice is almost audible so that I don't miss what He is saying.

I'm no expert in quoting verses by book and chapter. However, like most people who have spent any amount of time in church or around Christians, I do know Philippians 4:13 says "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." It's probably one of the top ten most quoted verses in the Bible. I came across this scripture today. However what spoke the most to me is written directly before this verse. Philippians 4:12 says this: "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

We are always quick to shout out how we can do all things through Christ when we are facing a decision or a tough task. What touched me today in verse 12 are the words "in need", "hungry," and "in want." I know God is with me on not only the days of plenty, but even on my days of hurt and tears. He can help me do all things, including grieve. He can help me process the hurt of this life. He can help me when the wounds of the past open up to fresh pain, disappointment, and anger. Even at the times when the only thing I have to say to Him is "God, why?", He understands and helps me through the things I don't understand. Not only is He here, but He gives me strength through all the emotions. He speaks to me and reminds me it's okay to cry. He tells me I don't always have to keep it all together. He tells me to yell at Him, that He can handle it.

At the end of it all, I realize I can still be content as long as God, who truly is my strength, is with me.

Destiny Derailers Part 2

Today I will be continuing from what I wrote to you about on Wednesday. This is from the notes I took Tuesday night during our training with Pastor Chip Judd. The topic was Destiny Derailers-What keeps us from reaching our full potential. On Wednesday I shared the first thing that keeps us from reaching our full potential is never fully getting our lives on track. Today I will share the second reason we fail to fulfill the potential God has placed inside of us.

The second reason we fail to realize our potential is because we miss opportunities or we refuse to grow through them. Opportunity is God's gift to you. What you do with the opportunity is your gift to God. There are two types of regrets in our lives. There is the regret of action (something we have said or done) and the regret of inaction (not doing or saying something we should have said or done). I have more than my fair share of regrets of action. I could write for days. However, if I stop and think about my regrets of inaction, I could write for months! How many times have we walked away from a conversation and thought "oh, why didn't I say THAT?" It is not so much what we said that we contemplate, it's what we did not say. There are many times God will prompt us to do something and yet we continue on our way without heeding His voice. A sign of our spiritual maturity is seeing or seizing God-ordained opportunities.

In our lives we go through cycles. There is the journey uphill and often when we reach the peak of an experience we will encounter challenges we had not previously foreseen. It is through these challenges that we grow. However, for many people, these challenges cause us to stumble or derail in life. When things are going well and life is happy, we can sometimes be blindsided by the areas in our lives where we need to grow. If we become too prideful, then God will start to deal with us in this area. If we have anger management issues, He will place us into situations requiring us to maintain our composure. Just when you start to see fruit in your life, there will be a time of pruning! Pastor Judd refers to this as the John 15 principle.

"I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned. If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples."

These pruning moments become mirrors of our life. It is during our pruning that God requires us to examine ourselves. God loves us enough to show us the things we need to know about ourselves. This also tests our faith walk with Him. Will we continue to abide in Him throughout this process, or will we derail and turn away from the call and plan He has for our lives? Satan would love nothing more for us to fall off track and live a life beneath all God has for us. The difference in maintaining our course or falling away is the size of our "want" What I want on the inside HAS to be big enough for me to work through all the "stuff". I mentioned Wednesday how I want to have a healthy relationship. I know this desire has required (and still requires) me to deal with all the stuff from my past. It has been a tremendously painful process. However, through this pain I have already experienced growth and healing in many areas of my life. I know I still have much more to work on, but at least I'm not where I was two years ago when this journey truly began!

My prayer for each of you today is that you would not get tired during the pruning. I pray as God reveals the mirrors of your life that you will begin to not only see yourself as you truly are, but He would give you a glimpse of the you He has created you to be. If you do not see a great plan for your life, I pray He begins to reveal it to you. I pray you begin to understand we were not created to simply be mediocre or ordinary. He created each one of us with specific gifts, talents, goals, and desires. You can win this battle, but not if you drop out!

Destiny Derailers

I am going to digress today from the plan to write from the book of Psalms. Instead I want to share with you from leadership training I attended last night at my church. The guest speaker was Pastor Chip Judd and what he spoke to us was just too amazing to not pass along to all of you! The topic of his message to us was Destiny Derailers-What keeps a leader from reaching their potential. I am sharing this because what he shared does not simply apply to leaders, but to each and every one of us.

I don't know about you, but there have been many times in my life when I have stopped for a self-evaluation and thought "how in the world did my life get HERE?" As I looked at my life situation, I realized nothing about it demonstrated the life I thought I would have or came even remotely close to the life I wanted. When was the last time you seriously took the time to think about what you want out of life?

"Now they came to Jericho. As He went out of Jericho with His disciples and a great multitude, blind Bartimaeus, the son of Timaeus, sat by the road begging. And when he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to cry out and say, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” Then many warned him to be quiet; but he cried out all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” So Jesus stood still and commanded him to be called. Then they called the blind man, saying to him, “Be of good cheer. Rise, He is calling you.” And throwing aside his garment, he rose and came to Jesus. So Jesus answered and said to him, “What do you want Me to do for you?” The blind man said to Him, “Rabboni, that I may receive my sight.” Then Jesus said to him, “Go your way; your faith has made you well.” And immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus on the road." Mark 10:46-52


As Jesus is walking by, blind Bartimaeus cries out to Him through the crowd. The scripture says there was a great multitude. Imagine how loudly Bartimaeus would have had to cry out in order to be heard by Jesus. When was the last time you wanted something so bad you were willing to make a spectacle of yourself? Notice it mentions many warned him to be quiet. Yet, he cried out even more! The religious people will always tell you to be quiet when you are boldly crying out to God. When Christ hears his pleas for mercy, he commands him to come to Him. Until last night, I missed a vital part of Bartimaeus' actions. We are told he throws aside his garment. In his society, his garment was his business license. This garment verified his disability to those who would pass by as he begged for money. This garment was his IDENTITY. His act of throwing it aside demonstrated his faith that Jesus would heal him and he would no longer need to cling to this as his identity.

It doesn't require a doctrine in biblical studies to determine what Bartimaeus was wanting from Jesus. Yet, when he approached Christ, he is answered with the question, "What do you want Me to do for you?" How often do we look at our situation or circumstances and simply think "well, God knows what I need" and yet we never bother to tell Him. We don't cry out to Him. We are not willing to make a spectacle of ourselves. Maybe Jesus is asking you today WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO FOR YOU?

It takes courage to say you want something. It takes faith to verbalize the innermost desires of our hearts. Our wants and needs may not be as obvious as a blind man requesting his eyes to be healed. Until you admit you want something, you will settle for whatever life gives you. The greatest area this applies in my life is in my relationships. For most of my life, I didn't admit I wanted to have a healthy dating relationship. I was willing to settle for the crumbs from the table that anyone was willing to give me. It was not until I admitted my desire for a God-designed relationship and marriage that I stopped settling for the crumbs of the world. Now, this has meant I've been single for a long time, but I know it is because God has the ONE chosen for me. It takes courage to say "no, I'm not okay with sex before marriage because I know it is NOT God's plan." However, I am willing to make a spectacle of myself because I want the relationship bad enough. I want a man who will honor both me, and more importantly God, enough to be willing to wait.

The first reason people get derailed from their destiny is simply because they never really get on track in the first place. We never reach our destiny because we never get started. I pray you take the time today to reflect on what you really want out of this life. Not what your parents want for you. Not what your siblings want for you. Not what anyone else has ever wanted for you, but what YOU want out of this life. Each and every one of us only get one chance at this journey called life. There are no retakes or do-overs. Don't waste another minute hiding behind the plan of someone else. Step out with courage and tell God what you want Him to do for you so you can reach the full potential He has already placed inside of you!

**My message on Friday will be about the second reason we become derailed. I can't wait to share with you!**