Like a Convict

Imagine this scene: 

A courtroom. 

Overwhelming evidence of guilt.

You are on trial and you know you are guilty of every charge brought against you. Not just of these charges, but also of crimes nobody else knows you committed. You know you have arrived at this moment fairly and it was only a matter of time before the real you was discovered. 

As you stand to hear the verdict, you hold your breath in anticipation of the sentence. You hear the words...

NOT GUILTY. All charges dismissed. 

How would you react in the above scenario? I believe I would collapse in shock and relief. How could I be found innocent when there is proof of my crimes? How can I not have to pay retribution for my evil? I would ask the judge and jury for clarification. So let's imagine again...

The judge turns to you and points to a man sitting in the corner. You had not paid much attention to him throughout your trial. You assumed he was another reporter or spectator who came to hear of your failures. As the man slowly stands, as if in pain, you notice the blood. You couldn't see it before the verdict was read, but now it's flowing down his face. You lean closer to get a better look at him and notice his clothing has changed. He was dressed in ordinary clothes throughout your trial, but now he is in torn rags. He begins to limp towards you. You observe he now has wounds that should make him unable to move! 

You become panicked as you are trying to understand why this man is here and what does he have to do with your situation. The judge says your name several times to get your attention. He asks if you have ever seen this man before. You search your memory, but are pretty sure you would remember seeing someone like him. But there is really nothing memorable about his face. You wouldn't notice him now if not for his beaten appearance. You respond in denial of knowing him and ask the judge to tell you more. 

The judge begins to tell you of all the man has been through. He tells you of the beatings. He tells you of the names the man has been called. He tells you of the pain he has endured. You know all you have done wrong, but were found not guilty. What horror must this man have committed in order to be treated so horribly! So you ask the judge what the man did to deserve such abuse. 

The judge hangs his head and with a sigh he responds, "Nothing. This man did absolutely nothing to deserve this punishment. But you did. Everything that happened to him was what the jury had sentenced for you. But he volunteered to take your place." 

You turn from the judge to see the man is now standing next to you with His hand extended. Breathless with tears flowing from your eyes, you take His hand. There are so many questions you want to ask, but you can't find words to speak. The emotions you feel are endless. You somehow find the breath to ask, "Why?" This man you have never met has taken the punishment you deserved. You have been given freedom despite the offenses you have committed. The look on your face begs Him to say something. After what seems an eternity of silence, He speaks. 

"I did this because I love you. I've loved you with an everlasting love. Before the world was formed, I knew you would be born at this time and I knew the crimes you would commit. I knew the wages of your crimes was too much for you to carry. So out of my love for you, I left my palace to be with you. That's right, I'm no ordinary man. I am a King. I am Royalty. But no Kingdom would be complete without you, my child, being there. I have come to save you and give you a new life. Not the life you have lived that led to this trial, but a life of joy, peace, and righteousness. These are the fruits of living in my Kingdom. Will you come live with me?"

Can you imagine this story? 

It's a true story. It's exactly what Jesus did for each of us. What we deserved in judgement, He received the punishment so we could be free. I know I can go through my daily life and forget where I should be and yet I'm free. I'm free from the person I used to be. I'm free from the sentence I deserve. When satan attempts to remind me of my crimes, Christ reminds me I am not guilty in Him. 

There is yet another element to this story. If after experiencing the above acquittal, would we continue living as we lived before? Would we walk out of the courtroom and go directly back to the life that led us to the trial in the first place? Or would we walk away thankful for new freedom? If you have experienced salvation through Christ, are you living as if you were free? Or are you continuing to live in the same way you lived before knowledge of Christ? Do you live the same way because you know you are forgiven and use that as your excuse to live in a way you know you should not live. Have you asked God for His opinion on the choices you make? Have you invited Him in your life not just as a spectator, but as a guide? 1 Peter 2:16 tells us, "Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God."

 Stop living like a convict when you have been found NOT GUILTY.

One Man's Trash.....

Sometimes I think I can be a little too honest. Not the kind of honest most people claim to be when they tell others what they really think, but in reality are being hurtful. I'm honest about myself. I'm honest about my past. And I'm learning to be more honest about my present. As my pastor recently said, "Everyone loves to hear about our struggles before we came to know Christ, but nobody wants to hear about how we struggled last week." I'm learning in my walk with God that as He brings awareness and healing to one area of my life, there is always something else waiting in line to be dealt with next. When God is dealing with me, the outlet I find is through writing about what He is showing me. I believe if there is an area in which I struggle, then there has to be at least one other person who battles the same thing. So here's where, yet again, I get very real. 

I feel disposable. Disposable is defined in the adjective meaning as, "intended to be used once, or until no longer useful, and then thrown away." When used as a noun it means, "an article designed to be thrown away after use." To say I feel disposable seems like such a harsh thing to say. It pains me even to type the words. However, as I've been reflecting over the relationships I've had in my life, I can't help but feel as if most people have viewed me in just this way. 

In my youth my parents always made a mate in their life a priority over me. My dad left and remarried and I became the stereotype of a stepchild. My mom's boyfriend was an alcoholic who frequently called me names and threatened physical violence. I was told many times, "Once you do this, then no good man will ever want you." So I believed it. The list of men who used me and "disposed" of me is long. Even the men with whom I have birthed children do not speak to me. We can be in the same room and I barely get a hello. I have family members who have "disowned" me over something that happened with another family member several years ago. Although I have made an effort to reach out and re-establish contact with them, these requests have been ignored. When a sibling divorced, her husband, whom I've known my entire life, stopped speaking to me and has carried on his life as if I've never existed. This was the one man, who for over 30 years was the only constant male present in my life. There have been friendships that were ended with a simple, "I can't be friends with you anymore because you don't do _____ for me enough." Even pastors, who have preached to me about my value, have heard a rumor that I was leaving the church and dismissed me with a simple, "Good luck" email. These are just a few of the examples of why I fight the battle I fight. 

These are also the reasons why I keep up a pretty good wall. God is showing me more and more of how I'm keeping people out and how this is not His plan. He's revealing to me that none of the above mentioned events were ever a part of His plan. His plans are never to harm us. Some of the events came about as the result of my own choices, while most were the results of the choices made by others. This is why our choices are so powerful. They not only affect us, but others as well. While we may make choices we think are right at the moment, we make then without considering the long term affects they will have on others. 

As I'm in the midst of the battle of feeling valued, I'm having to immerse myself in the word of God. I'm constantly reading scriptures that tell me how He sees me. I'm listening to music that reminds me I do have value. Sometimes a broken bone heals improperly and has to be broken again to be reset correctly. I am having to open old wounds and ask God to pour His oil of love over them so they can be healed by Him. I'm having to go through the list of "offenders" and ask God to show them to me as He sees them. As I'm going through each one I am beginning to see the wounds they carried and how those wounds were pivotal in the wounds and injuries they inflicted on myself and others. The phrase, "Hurting people hurt people" is definitely an understatement. 

I've asked God many times why He has placed me in a ministry that works with women who have been trafficked, prostitutes, strippers, alcoholics, and drug addicts. He is showing me that in my brokenness of feeling like I don't "fit" that I am most able to relate to these women. These too are women who have been treated as disposable. As I am speaking the word of God over them, I am also speaking it over myself. As I tell them they are loved, He is telling me I am loved. As I am accepting them just as they are, He reminds me of His acceptance, just as I am. Every time I tell them God has a plan for them, He is reminding me He has a plan for me. When I tell them they are worthy of love, He tells me I am worthy also. 

I shared the content of this blog with a friend via text message. She promptly replied, "I would never throw you away!" I thank God for the people He has brought into my life who love me just because they do. Not because of what I do or don't do for them, but just because they see I have value. The one thing I tell my daughters over and over is "I love YOU! Not what you do or don't do. Not because of what you wear or how you behave. I just love who YOU are." I want them to know they are worthy of love just because they are alive and God created them to be just the way they are. What I'm learning in this process I'm going through is God feels the same way about me. 

He loves ME.
He values ME.
He adores ME.
He created ME for a purpose.
He pursues ME.
He longs for ME.
He wants to spend time with ME.

Because what man may see as trash, He sees as His treasure.

When I don't fit in and I don't feel like I belong anywhere
When I don't measure up to much in this life
Oh, I'm a treasure in the arms of Christ

I'm Angry

I'm angry. I'm furious. I want to punch someone or something. I'm not angry because someone cut me off in traffic or because a restaurant got my order wrong. I've seen far too much of this kind of anger in our world. We have fuses so short that we will get out of our cars at a stoplight to yell at the person who drove too slow in front of us. Yes, I recently witnessed this along with the verbally explosive exchange between a man and woman because the woman blared her horn at the man for not pulling out at a stop sign quickly enough. Even though she couldn't see around the corner as he could, she deemed he had plenty of time to go. This is not the type of anger I feel. In fact, this type of anger or treatment of a total stranger is something I've never understood. It's downright stupid. We are quick to fight over things that don't matter or disassociate from people who offend us, and yet we are blind to the things that would cause Jesus to be angry.

The anger I feel is towards those who deliberately hurt and harm another human. Today I spent the day with a teen who was recently kidnapped and taken to another city and forced into prostitution. When she was only in elementary school she was raped by her stepfather and subsequently put into foster care. As angry as I am at the "man" who forced her into prostitution, I'm even angrier at the "man" who robbed this precious child of her innocence.

My daughter is 8. Tonight as I washed her hair in the bath, the reality of the stage of life when the other girl was violated became very real. There is absolutely NOTHING sexual about an 8 year old girl. Earlier tonight  I watched as she played outside. I watched as she sang and twirled and animatedly talked to her imaginary friends. This is the world of an 8 year old girl.

Post by Karen Mundy.

I'm angry for the little girls who aren't protected by the very people who should protect them the fiercest. I left my corporate job almost four years ago because I saw the affect my absence was having on my children. My oldest daughter was being bullied at school and yet I couldn't protect her because to be present for her would have caused me to lose my job anyway. I saw as she was withdrawing and I knew I had to make a drastic life change in order to be able to protect her. I knew the decision was led by God. I faced harsh criticism from church leadership for a decision they deemed as irresponsible. Sometimes in order to protect our children we must make choices others don't understand. I know what it means to make hard choices, which is also why I accept no excuses for those who refuse to protect their children. Every one of us has a choice to make. 

I am angry at the mothers who place a relationship over the safety and protection of their children. Over and over again I witness single moms who begin dating a man and within weeks or months they are sleeping at each other's home or moving in together. I wonder how many of them have performed a background check on these men. I, too, have been guilty of this type of behavior. Although sexual abuse did not occur, I did place my daughters in an environment that was not healthy. There were many loud arguments and plenty of days full of tension. When I saw the direction this relationship was heading, I ended it. The decision cost me financially and led to us being evicted. However, it was worth it in order to protect my children. 

The young woman I worked with today was asleep when I arrived. When I checked in on her I saw she had her thumb in her mouth. My heart broke as I saw her not as a teenager, but as a precious little girl. I saw a daughter of Christ. I saw someone who was loved, treasured, and valuable. My daughters were both thumb suckers. I've spent countless hours watching them sleep. Today my heart broke for the little girl who was abused and who had to comfort herself. The reason I work random jobs to make money is so on days like today I can be available to let this young lady know there ARE people in this world who will fight for her. I will scrub toilets for as long as I have to if it means there are days I can give a hug and encouragement to an abused and broken woman. I will fight not just for her, but for every little girl out there who has nobody to fight for them. 

Children are a precious gift from God. On the days that are emotionally hard for me, it seems as if my daughters know I need some extra smiles and hugs. While driving home tonight my daughter began singing along with the song on the radio. As she sang she would glance over at me and smile. She sang of how it was a "Beautiful Day." After watching her playing with her imaginary friends without any cares in the world, she reminded me that for her, today truly was a beautiful day. Every day she can simply be an 8 year old girl is another day I will fight for those who had that right taken away. 

**I don't usually mention this in my blog posts, but if you would like to financially support the ministry work I do, then you can make a donation that is tax deductible through the Justice Ministries website. Visit www.JusticeMinistries.org and in your donation notate it is for me. Please also let me know you made a donation so I can alert our accounts officer. It can be a one time gift or a monthly recurring gift. ANY amount helps!**

Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus by Nabeel Qureshi

The title is perhaps the best summary possible for the premise of this book. In Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus, Nabeel Qureshi details his journey from a lifelong devout Muslim to a man who supernaturally encounters Christ. Qureshi covers his younger years to explain how a child in a Muslim family is raised to revere and honor Muhammad as the true prophet of Allah.  

I found this book to be an excellent resource to gain a greater understanding of the Muslim faith. Qureshi includes many Muslim words and their definitions in his telling of his story and of his coming to faith in Christ. For someone who has limited knowledge of Muslims or their beliefs, this provided me a great basis for defending my faith in Christ to those who follow Allah. As someone raised in a small southern town, my experience with other religions of any kind was very limited. I thank Qureshi for his boldness to share his story and for giving a greater insight into this "foreign" world. I highly recommend this selection for anyone wanting a personal insight to the Muslim family and their faith. 

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers <http://booklookbloggers.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

The Reason for my Hope by Billy Graham

In “The Reason for my Hope,” Billy Graham does an excellent job detailing the reason why Jesus is the hope He claimed to be for each of us. Graham provides scriptural reference and evidence of why his hope has been in Christ and Christ alone. This book is great for someone looking for an immensely broken down, detailed explanation for why our hope should be placed in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I found this book interesting and a great resource to have on hand for someone who is seeking the truth of Christ. I was not challenged much by this book selection, but I believe that can be attributed to where I am in my walk in faith. If you are seeking more information about Christ or are a new believer and looking to strengthen your faith, then I highly recommend this book. If you are a more mature believe, then this is still a good read as it will give you great material to use in sharing your faith and the reason for your beliefs. It is also an excellent gift for your loved ones who are not believers in the deity of Christ.  

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers <http://booklookbloggers.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html

15 Years and 9 Months

Most people say the day their first child was born was the day they became a mother or a father. I’ve said this myself in the past. However, today as my oldest daughter turns 15, it occurred to me I didn’t become a mother 15 years ago today. I became a mother 15 years and 9 months ago. From the moment of her conception I was protecting, nourishing, and providing for her. Even before I knew she was being knit together in my womb, I was her mother.

Many would say I gave her life, but the reality is it was Kiara who gave life to me. At the time I was 21 and fully living the life the world tells every 21 year old they should be living. I was in a club several nights a week and doing what young people (and sadly many not so young people) do. My life had no direction, purpose, or meaning. My mom had been diagnosed with cancer and my relationship with my father was estranged. I lived 1,000 miles away from most of my family. Whatever I chose to do was my business and nobody else’s. At least that was how I viewed my life. That all changed one morning in June of 1998.

When I took the test to determine if I was pregnant I was doing it as a way of ruling out the reason I wasn’t feeling well. I didn’t actually expect I was pregnant. I had experienced several pregnancy “scares” before and to be honest, when this test returned a positive result, my first thought was, ‘This test must be wrong. None of the others ever showed this.” The thought lasted about 5 seconds before it occurred to me this one was different because this time I  was pregnant. The emotions I felt were overwhelming.

Kiara’s father and I had dated for a while, but had recently broken up. How was I supposed to tell someone I was no longer dating that I was pregnant with their child? My mom was fighting cancer. How could I put another burden on her? The closest family member was an hour away so I knew I would not have the physical support of family that many women have. I lived in Boston with two male roommates. How would they feel about a baby being in the house? Even with all these circumstances I knew this life I carried was special. I knew she was precious and God had decided to send her to earth at this particular time for a reason.

There were people close to me who strongly encouraged an abortion. My life situation was pointed out to me and my ability to be a mother was questioned. How would I raise a child when my own life was a mess? I was told to have a child at this point in my life would be selfish. I knew from the beginning I would be a single mom. Was I ready for everything that would entail? In spite of all the arguments against my decision, I chose life.

I believe my own experiences with pregnancy and motherhood are one of the reasons I’m so passionately pro-life. I’ve twice seen how God can move greatly through an “unplanned” pregnancy. I have personally experienced the feeling of being alone in parenting. I know what it is like to have others encourage you to abort. I know the stigma that comes along with being the woman in church with two kids, by two different men, who has never been married.  I’ve had to tell my parents and family of pregnancy knowing how disappointed they would be in me. Not just once, but twice. But I also cannot begin to imagine my life without these two precious girls.

I have witnessed how God places people into our lives at just the right season. While some encouraged me to abort, there were others (even men) who stepped up to encourage me and hold my hand (sometimes literally). There was a male friend who went with me for my ultrasound so I wouldn’t have to be alone. He was also there in the room when she was born. It is why her middle name is his last name. His friendship during those months is what helped carry me through a very trying and difficult time. My mom lived long enough to see Kiara once. She died about a month after meeting her. I truly believe she fought cancer as long as she did so she would be able to meet her. Her first comment on holding her was, “Wow. She’s so beautiful.”

Kiara was only 3 months old when Mom died.  I can’t imagine how my life might have spiraled out of control during this time if Kiara had not been in my life. I had to get up every morning. I had to go to work now. I had to continue living when parts of me wanted to die along with my mom. In fact, in the year my mom passed, 4 of her 5 children had babies and the 5^th had her first grandchild. God’s timing is always perfect and nothing restores hope like a newborn child.

So here we are 15 years later. Kiara is still beautiful. She has an outer beauty that everyone can see, but her inner beauty is absolutely breathtaking. She has more compassion than most teens I’ve ever met. She definitely has more than I had at 15! I love her unique style and tastes. Even as a toddler others described her as “marching to her own drum” and I love that as she has matured that is a quality that has not changed. When she was about 10 she asked to serve in the children’s ministry at church just because an autistic little boy was in the class and she adored him. I was once told by a leader of the class that Kiara knew how to interact with him in ways most adults did not. Whenever we are uptown she asks about the homeless man who stays in front of the building where I used to work. I’ve seen her selfishly give up her bedroom when needed for a woman to stay a night or two who is coming out of a trafficking situation. She’s helped babysit for women who work in the strip clubs. When Olivia was born she was the one who cut the umbilical cord. It was the day before she turned 7 and she said it was the best birthday present ever. She came to visit on her birthday and while holding Olivia started singing, “Jesus Loves Me” to her. She was mothering Olivia from the very beginning!  

She loves Sherlock, Doctor Who, and all things Marvel. I give her a hard time about it, but she hugs me more times a day than I can count. As she is transitioning from my first baby girl into a young woman, I couldn’t be more proud or in love with her. When I was pregnant with her, God showed her to me in a dream. When she was born she was identical to the baby I saw in my dreams. I know God showed her to me because she is uniquely created and has a special purpose and call on her life.

The greatest miracle in all this is that I get to be her mom. Thank you, God for allowing me to be a part of this beautiful young woman’s life. Thank you that out of all the women on the planet, you chose me to give birth to her. Thank you, God that I chose life when many would not have blamed me for choosing abortion. Thank you, God that you have been with us every step of the way as we both have grown and matured.

Thank you God that for 15 years and 9 months I’ve been Kiara’s mom. 

Fly Little Bird

This morning as I was driving a bird flew next to my car. It wasn't a bird with bright colors. It was actually quite drab. Nothing about the appearance of this bird stood out in the way perhaps a Cardinal would.  However, despite it's seemingly unattractive appearance, this bird was still flying. I know you are probably thinking I'm stating the obvious because most birds do, indeed, fly. This bird wasn't doing anything other than what came naturally because God created this type of bird to fly. And yet, how many of us never get off the ground because we are more focused on not looking like the "beautiful" people than on what God has created us to do. (*I'm speaking from personal experience here).

Is there something deep in your spirit you know you were created to do and yet you feel your appearance disqualifies you from your calling? For many it's an issue of weight. Or perhaps you feel you are too short or too tall. For some it is they are not the least bit interested in dressing in the latest fashions. Some feel their race limits them. Maybe you have a disfigurement or physical handicap. The list of possible "limitations" is endless. Sadly, many of these limitations have been perpetuated not only by the world, but also within the church. In an effort to keep all things in line with a particular appearance, many have been "disqualified" from their calling simply because they do not fit a desired mold or look.

My precious friend, that was never God's intention for you when you were created! The beauty of humanity is each and every one of us is different. We are different shapes, sizes, colors and we all have different preferences in clothing, music, etc. We should never allow these differences to prevent us from "flying" in our call from God. If you are somewhere that is stifling your gifting because you are different than the norm in that place, then I challenge you to leave. Somewhere there are people who are waiting for YOU. Not the you that you are pretending to be, but the YOU that was created before the formation of the world. The YOU that God painted in the masterpiece of His mind and fashioned carefully with His hand. Don't fall for the lie that it is just your "issue" if you are feeling less than others while in a certain environment. Oftentimes the very ones who are saying it's our "issue" are the very ones encouraging everyone to fit the mold.

Read God's word and ask Him to reveal to you who He made you to be. What has He called you to do in your walk here on earth? As we mature there will be things He will show us that need to be changed. However, in your transformation process be sure it is God doing the changing and not the will or opinion of man. Don't resign yourself to staying camouflaged in the tree of life when you were created to fly.


Update: Several hours after writing this post I saw the following video. I pray it blesses you as much as it blessed me. It illustrates my point so well.