Most people say the day their first child was born was the
day they became a mother or a father. I’ve said this myself in the past.
However, today as my oldest daughter turns 15, it occurred to me I didn’t
become a mother 15 years ago today. I became a mother 15 years and 9 months
ago. From the moment of her conception I was protecting, nourishing, and
providing for her. Even before I knew she was being knit together in my womb, I
was her mother.
Many would say I gave her life, but the reality is it was Kiara
who gave life to me. At the time I was 21 and fully living the life the world
tells every 21 year old they should be living. I was in a club several nights a
week and doing what young people (and sadly many not so young people) do. My
life had no direction, purpose, or meaning. My mom had been diagnosed with
cancer and my relationship with my father was estranged. I lived 1,000 miles
away from most of my family. Whatever I chose to do was my business and nobody
else’s. At least that was how I viewed my life. That all changed one morning in
June of 1998.
When I took the test to determine if I was pregnant I was
doing it as a way of ruling out the reason I wasn’t feeling well. I didn’t
actually expect I was pregnant. I had experienced several pregnancy “scares” before
and to be honest, when this test returned a positive result, my first thought
was, ‘This test must be wrong. None of the others ever showed this.” The
thought lasted about 5 seconds before it occurred to me this one was different
because this time I was pregnant. The
emotions I felt were overwhelming.
Kiara’s father and I had dated for a while, but had recently
broken up. How was I supposed to tell someone I was no longer dating that I was
pregnant with their child? My mom was fighting cancer. How could I put another
burden on her? The closest family member was an hour away so I knew I would not
have the physical support of family that many women have. I lived in Boston
with two male roommates. How would they feel about a baby being in the house?
Even with all these circumstances I knew this life I carried was special. I
knew she was precious and God had decided to send her to earth at this
particular time for a reason.
There were people close to me who strongly encouraged an
abortion. My life situation was pointed out to me and my ability to be a mother
was questioned. How would I raise a child when my own life was a mess? I was
told to have a child at this point in my life would be selfish. I knew from the
beginning I would be a single mom. Was I ready for everything that would
entail? In spite of all the arguments against my decision, I chose life.
I believe my own experiences with pregnancy and motherhood
are one of the reasons I’m so passionately pro-life. I’ve twice seen how God
can move greatly through an “unplanned” pregnancy. I have personally
experienced the feeling of being alone in parenting. I know what it is like to
have others encourage you to abort. I know the stigma that comes along with
being the woman in church with two kids, by two different men, who has never
been married. I’ve had to tell my
parents and family of pregnancy knowing how disappointed they would be in me.
Not just once, but twice. But I also cannot begin to imagine my life without
these two precious girls.
I have witnessed how God places people into our lives at
just the right season. While some encouraged me to abort, there were others
(even men) who stepped up to encourage me and hold my hand (sometimes
literally). There was a male friend who went with me for my ultrasound so I
wouldn’t have to be alone. He was also there in the room when she was born. It
is why her middle name is his last name. His friendship during those months is
what helped carry me through a very trying and difficult time. My mom lived
long enough to see Kiara once. She died about a month after meeting her. I
truly believe she fought cancer as long as she did so she would be able to meet
her. Her first comment on holding her was, “Wow. She’s so beautiful.”
Kiara was only 3 months old when Mom died. I can’t imagine how my life might have
spiraled out of control during this time if Kiara had not been in my life. I had
to get up every morning. I had to go to work now. I had to continue living when
parts of me wanted to die along with my mom. In fact, in the year my mom
passed, 4 of her 5 children had babies and the 5th had her first
grandchild. God’s timing is always perfect and nothing restores hope like a
newborn child.
So here we are 15 years later. Kiara is still beautiful. She
has an outer beauty that everyone can see, but her inner beauty is absolutely
breathtaking. She has more compassion than most teens I’ve ever met. She
definitely has more than I had at 15! I love her unique style and tastes. Even
as a toddler others described her as “marching to her own drum” and I love that
as she has matured that is a quality that has not changed. When she was about
10 she asked to serve in the children’s ministry at church just because an
autistic little boy was in the class and she adored him. I was once told by a
leader of the class that Kiara knew how to interact with him in ways most
adults did not. Whenever we are uptown she asks about the homeless man who
stays in front of the building where I used to work. I’ve seen her selfishly
give up her bedroom when needed for a woman to stay a night or two who is
coming out of a trafficking situation. She’s helped babysit for women who work
in the strip clubs. When Olivia was born she was the one who cut the umbilical
cord. It was the day before she turned 7 and she said it was the best birthday
present ever. She came to visit on her birthday and while holding Olivia
started singing, “Jesus Loves Me” to her. She was mothering Olivia from the
very beginning!
The greatest miracle in all this is that I get to be her
mom. Thank you, God for allowing me to be a part of this beautiful young
woman’s life. Thank you that out of all the women on the planet, you chose me
to give birth to her. Thank you, God that I chose life when many would not have
blamed me for choosing abortion. Thank you, God that you have been with us
every step of the way as we both have grown and matured.
Thank you God that for 15 years and 9 months I’ve been
Kiara’s mom.
Priceless <3
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