How Do You Trust Again?

Trust is a crazy thing. When we are younger, we have to trust others in order to survive. We don't even realize we are trusting another person, it just happens naturally. However, as we grow older, we realize trust is not always a guarantee of someone upholding their responsibility. What happens over time is our ability to trust diminishes. As much as we want to trust others, our past disappointments cause us to question everything or doubt others will do what they've promised to do.

Broken trust in relationships has damaging effects. Sadly, it is usually not the person that broke the trust that pays the price of the let down, but the person who comes after the one who was untrustworthy. This is by far the greatest issue I have had to face within marriage. I spent many years single because I was not ready to trust anyone with my heart. I prayed many times asking God to heal me of the wounds others had inflicted through abandonment and abuse. When it comes to our issues, it is easy for us to think we have healed.....until we have to face our issues head on. When you are single, you don't have to trust anyone. Within marriage, trust is everything.

So the dilemma for me now really isn't about trusting my husband. It comes down to asking myself, "Do I trust God?" I know I do. I've trusted Him many times when making decisions that make little or no sense to me. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt He told me to marry the man who is now my husband. I had, and still have, peace about that decision. And yet, that doesn't mean doubt will not still creep into my mind. I will see or hear things and due to my past, my perception of these things will cause me to question what I'm seeing. While it is important to move on from our pasts, it is also the things from our past that can cloud our perception and judgement.

The question that remains is this: How do we move forward? I wish I had an easy answer. I don't. When it comes to trusting again, there is nothing easy about the process. Trust involves risk. It involves allowing yourself to be vulnerable. It means you have to believe in the goodness of another person enough to let them into the places you have kept locked. It means seeking God often to remember where your trust ultimately lies. It is remembering Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.

If you've overcome trust issues, I would love to hear from you! How did you learn to trust again? 

I Have Issues

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and a sound mind." 

2 Timothy 1:7

Have you ever felt you were healed of an issue only to discover you still had more healing to do? This is the reality that has been staring me in the face lately. I was naive enough to believe I had dealt with the trust issues I had....and then I had to actually trust someone. It's easy to think we have dealt with our issues if we never are in situations that cause us to face our issues. I'm finding marriage causes me to face not just this issue, but all of my issues. Whether it's trust, abandonment, doubt, or any of my other issues, I'm beginning to understand all of them go back to one root. The root of them all is fear. And fear is never from God. 

"There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. So the one who fears has not reached perfection in love. We love because He first loved us." 

1 John 4:18

I'm reminded daily that to love perfectly is to trust. I love God. And I trust Him. There are many times I don't understand why He does what He does, but I trust His ways are greater and wiser than mine. Having been single and on my own for most of my life, it's a process to transfer this kind of trust to another human. Because most of the people I chose to trust in the past let me down greatly. And that statement is something God just revealed to me as I typed. They were the people I CHOSE to trust. My choosing in the past was all made on my own. I didn't seek God's help in making decisions. Things are drastically different now! 

I married my husband shortly after we met. I realized this past week we have been married for longer than we dated. Very little about our relationship has gone according to my plan. I was always afraid to let down my wall enough to allow anyone inside. Yet, when I met my husband, I knew it was time to choose to give him a chance. God gave me complete peace about moving forward with the decisions we made. And I have to ask him to remind me of this peace when my issues arise and cause me to feel anxious. 

An issue arose yesterday that caused me to overreact to something. Later in the day my husband said how thankful he was for me and how much he appreciated me. I made a comment about what happened earlier in the day. His response floored me. He said, "I know this is one of your issues. And I don't know how to fix it. I can't take away the hurt others caused you. But what I can do is love you even with these issues. Until death do we part. Because that is what I promised." He has no idea the impact his seemingly simple words had on me. 

Perfect, Christ-like love, casts out fear. I saw my husband look like Christ yesterday. Because God loved us, we can learn how to love. Because I trust God, I can trust His plan in choosing my husband. So as I'm learning to trust a human, I fall back on my trust of God. I know His plan for me is good and not to harm me. 

Is there an area in which you are experiencing fear? Are you having to confront your issues? I pray you call on the name of your Father when stress and anxiety begin to arise in your life. Don't let the enemy steal any more time from you because of fear.