My dad had part of his leg amputated this week. I know this doesn't directly concern me, yet I've had to deal with my share of emotions surrounding this change in his life. Over the last several years he has had 8 surgeries on the same leg due to blood clots and other issues. We visited him a couple weeks ago for his birthday and he said there would be no more surgeries if the problem arose again. He knew amputation was the next option. Several days after we left, his leg began hurting again. Even though I knew what was going to happen, I've had to deal with a roller coaster of emotions. The biggest being the knowledge my dad will never "walk" me down the aisle. My husband and I were married in January, but are planning a ceremony and reception for the fall. My dad mentioned several times how he wanted to walk me down the aisle. That is no longer possible. In fact, based on the date we have picked out and the rehab time for him, he may not be able to be there at all.
Then there is the change in how I see my dad. I know as our parents get older, how they are and how we think of them doesn't always align. My dad has always been one of the strongest (and most stubborn) people I've ever known. He was a Marine. And not just any Marine. He's a 20 year, served in Vietnam driving a tank and earned a Purple Heart Marine. For him to admit he's in extreme pain means he is in a LOT of pain.
Today I received a picture of my dad's new leg...or lack of. I asked how he was handling the change and I was told, "It doesn't hurt anymore." This brought tears as I thought of how true this is for much of our life. In order to find healing, sometimes we have to lose, or cut, something off. The pain of keeping something, or even someone, can be so great the only way to not be in pain is to be willing to let go. It may not be something as extreme as a limb. Perhaps it's a friendship. Or a job. Sometimes it's letting go of a dream or pursuit if the pursuit is causing pain and misery. What once was good, is no longer good, but infected and if not treated or removed could bring death.
Lately I've been feeling God has been telling me it is time to let go of some things in my life that at one time were good and useful, but now bring stress and pain to my life. While they may not bring a physical death, if I continue to hold on to them, they could bring a spiritual and emotional death. Hearing the statement from my dad of how, "It doesn't hurt anymore," has confirmed it is time to let go of certain things. Instead of stressing over the, "But what about this...." type of questions I've been asking God, I know it is time to trust Him again. There are changes happening that don't make sense to me, and yet I know they are from God. The peace is found only in the losing.
Have you had to let go of something in order to find healing? Is there something in your life causing pain and sickness and God is telling you it's time to let it go. I pray He gives you peace to trust Him and let go. Even though it may cause a limp, it's worth not living in pain anymore.
"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old.
Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."
Isaiah 43:18-19
I've set up a Tupperware fundraiser for my Dad. 40% of all purchases will be donated to help him in remodeling the bathroom in his home. You can visit http://www.tupperware.com/?fundraiser=55d649b7a0da73531f7bae74 to shop the fundraiser.
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