True Religion

A friend recently posted on Facebook the following statement: "If you can afford beer, drugs, cigarettes, manicures, and tattoos, then you don't need food stamps or welfare." A friend of my friend commented on the post with this statement: ""You got that right and another thing, since when is a cell phone an unalienable right? I have no phone and I could care less why do they need one to find their hiding boyfriends/daddies and/or husbands or to set up the next robbery heist or drug delivery??"

The person making this comment declares himself a Christian. While never close friends with him, we did previously attend the same church. Reading this caused me to think about the reality of how most church goers view single parents, and especially single mothers. While there are many single dads out there, it seems the single dads are viewed as heroes and amazing role models for taking on so much on their own. At the same time, single moms are judged by a different standard. I am writing based on what I have witnessed in the lives of other single mothers as well as from my own experience. I've watched as leaders and pastors play matchmaker with the singles in the church, but rarely do I see it attempted with a single mother. Perhaps we are a harder "sell" when it comes to a "good, Christian man." 


I make no excuses for my situation as a mother. I will be the first to admit I made poor decisions in my past which led to my single parent status. One relationship was over before I found out I was pregnant. Upon finding out I was pregnant, the father strongly urged me to have an abortion. I was told how selfish I was to have a child and called names too unfit to type here. The "easy" route would have been to have an abortion. No one would ever know of my sin (sex outside of marriage) and I would not have to face the judgment of others. Abortion was never an option in my mind. However I can easily understand why for many women, this is the only feasible option they see. To have a child on your own (or even if you do receive child support) requires a lot of sacrifice. Financial is just a small part of the picture. I would venture the majority of women who receive food stamps or welfare are largely raising children on their own. 


Upon finding out I was pregnant the second time, I felt more shame and embarrassment than anyone can possibly imagine. One "accident" is seen as excusable, but the second time brings disappointing looks and the "didn't you learn anything the first time around?" conversations. I have been in and out of church my whole life, but at the time of my pregnancies I was not actively involved in a church community. While unplanned and unmarried pregnancies happen inside the church, I would think most happen outside of the church body. Or perhaps it's only the births that happen outside the church. How many girls and women in our churches choose abortion out of shame and fear of how they will be treated when their belly starts to grow with the miracle of life? 


As all these thoughts were going through my mind this morning, I began to ponder this verse in James:


"Pure and undefiled religion before our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world." James 1:27


If this verse is true, then why are there so many single parents (the single mother is the modern day widow) who are struggling every day to simply make ends meet? For most of us, our greatest stress is how we are going to pay our rent and keep the lights on. Contrary to popular opinion, most of us are not planning which club we will hit this weekend and which new shoes and outfit we should wear. Yes, there are agencies and churches who will offer support or a benevolence fund, but in order to get assistance you are put through a series of drilling questions. It is a humiliating enough experience to need to ask for help, but it becomes even worse when you are made to feel a failure for having to ask. 


If the church was willing to step up and help more of the orphans and widows, then perhaps we would begin to see less abortions.  Most abortions are performed on women who do not have an intimate relationship with Jesus. We all sin and the sin of premarital sex is often committed out of a need for love and acceptance. What I've learned personally and through speaking with numerous women, is that most women are not aware God has a better plan for their lives than the lie the world is giving them. It is easy to simply say "just don't have sex and you won't have to face the problem of abortion or single parenthood," but the reality of our world is that most women do not value themselves enough to say no. Nor do our men respect and value our women enough to not lead them into this temptation. I wish I could say I've seen a difference in the single men in the church, but I have not. The majority of both the women and men within the church are as accepting of this sin as the men and women outside of the church. 


I have a friend who does sidewalk counseling at a local abortion clinic. While many would argue the effectiveness of her methods, I hear the stories of the women who have chosen life as a result of her obedience. Not only does she minister at the clinics, but she stays in contact with the mothers and organizes baby showers for them and follows up with them to help them along their motherhood journey. What would happen if more of the church was wiling to keep themselves unstained by the world (foregoing the bigger television, newer car, etc) and was more willing to help out with paying someone's light bill, buying a child's shoes or school supplies, or other necessity? Instead of judging those in need of help, what if we offered help without making them feel inferior because of their lack? Instead of judging the unwed mother, what if we honored her decision to choose life? If it was important enough for James to mention in scripture, shouldn't it also be important to us?