A Letter to the Men in the Church

To the Men in the Church, 

I first want to preface this writing by saying I love men. I'm not a man hater. I believe God created you to be powerful warriors and fierce protectors. I'm writing this letter based on what I've seen and experienced personally and heard my sisters share. This letter applies to all men, but particularly the men in the church. 

My brothers, please stop viewing women lustfully. We operate day in and day out in a world full of lust and perversion. When a woman enters the house of God she wants a reprieve from what is running rampant in the world. While church is a great place to meet a potential spouse, it is not the place to find your next "hook up." Your sisters need respect from you, not objectification. You may think the object of your lust does not see your glances at her, but there are others who do see them. I realize God made you to admire a woman because she is a beautiful creation. However, there is a great difference in a glance and a stare. Keep your eyes in check. 

My brothers, do NOT go to strip clubs or solicit prostitutes. This would seem a "no brainer" however as I work with women who are coming out of sex trafficking and women who work in strip clubs, the number of men from the church they have encountered is staggering. And the damage being done is great. I was at a baby shower for a woman who worked in the club and a few of her regular customers came. Those of us there from the ministry wanted to pray over her and the baby and one of her customers joined us in the prayer. If you had heard this prayer you might have thought this man was a pastor he prayed so eloquently! This is one of the same men who pay her to take her clothes off! It made me feel ill. Another woman who was trafficked shared how men who purchased her time for sex were often men with families and who attended church. She has shared how she wants to have a Godly marriage and a husband, but how after all she has experienced, she just doesn't know if she will ever trust men again. That leads me to my next point. 

My brothers, take the time to show women respect and honor even if they are not your "type." Coming from a very wounded and abused background myself, I cannot stress to you enough the importance of this principle. My experience, like the woman mentioned above, was that all men want is sex. If they don't want sex, then they don't even acknowledge your presence. When they want sex, they all cheat, they all lie, and they will all use you to get what they want. It is through years of friendship with Godly, honorable men that I have reached a place of being able to trust again. Men, show women that men of God are different from the men in the world. One of my closest friends is male and he believes God placed him in my life, and the lives of my daughters, to show us what it means to be respected. He has taught me that I have value as a woman. He is the primary male role model in my younger daughter's life and it is because of him that she has a healthy view of what it means to be a man. That leads me to address how you interact with women who have children.

My brothers, do not judge a woman who is a single mother. Do not rule her out as being your mate from God. I know some absolutely amazing, strong, anointed women of God who are also single mothers. These women need you more than you can imagine. Oftentimes the fathers of their children are not in their lives or if they are, they are not men of Godly character. While mom can give her children an example of a Godly woman, she can never give them an example of a Godly man. When I was living in a worldly way, the men there did not hesitate to become involved with me based on me having a child. I've found in the church men are far more resistant to pursue a woman with children than the men in the world. I believe this is why so many single moms settle for ungodly men. Scripture says "Pure and undefiled religion before our God and Father is this; to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world." (James 1:27). Our churches are full of modern day widows and orphans. Men of God, where are you in helping to care for them?

My brothers, pray for the women in your church and in your circle of influence! God created you to be a covering to your families and your community. Single women, whether they have children or not, need your prayer covering. I am honored when I get a message from a man saying he has been praying for me. I appreciate those prayers more than he can imagine! 

My brothers, you were created to be the leaders and not the followers. Don't wait for a woman to ask you to pray. Take the lead. Don't wait for a woman to ask you to come to church. Ask her to come with you. The Jezebel spirit is alive and well in too many churches. She has emasculated you and lied to you about your value. You are needed! We cannot do this without you! The women in the world may proclaim they can "do bad all by themselves," but we women truly NEED you. We need covering in our homes. We need men of Godly character shepherding our children. We need to experience respect and honor. We need men to sincerely care for us without having ulterior motives. We need brothers who are unashamed of their walk with God and unashamed to stand up and proclaim God's goodness beside us and not behind us. 

My brothers, I love you. I pray for you to see where the world has a grip on your lives and to break free from whatever holds you in bondage. I pray for your marriages to grow stronger as you grow in Godly character. I pray for my single brothers to press in to becoming the men God created you to be and for you to find your "Ruth" who will labor alongside you in furthering God's kingdom. I pray for those of you who are fathers to have a heart for your children similar to the heart of our heavenly Father. I pray for reconciliation for you with those who have hurt you in the past. 

My brothers, on behalf of all women, I apologize to you for those who have hurt, abused, and betrayed you. I pray for healing from your past and a fresh vision for the future. Mostly, I pray for you to be strengthened in your walk with God. I pray for a fierce moral courage to awaken in you. I pray for you to have courage and boldness in standing up for God's values and for what it means to be a man of God. 

My brothers, we need you.