I Thought It Would Be Easier

For some unknown reason, I thought today would be easier. This morning I released my five year old daughter into the great unknown....also referred to as public school. I know it is something millions of parents have done before and there are thousands others doing it just this week. However, this is different. She is my baby. She is the little person I've had the honor of sharing every day with for the last year since I have been working from home. I'm going to miss hearing "hey mom, guess what....I love you" said at random moments throughout the day. 

Until two weeks ago I was planning to home school her for Kindergarten. The information came for her teacher assignment and I was assured by several friends who knew the teacher that she is a wonderful, grandmotherly type of teacher. I met her and liked what I saw so I decided to give this school another chance. You see, my experience with this school in the past has not been a good one. My older daughter attended the same school and experienced horrific bullying and an overall lack of any type of real education. Her fifth grade year was lost. When we moved her to a private school she had to repeat fifth grade in order to make up the lost year. Needless to say, my trust in this school is not very high. And now, to release my baby into their "care" is scary. 

I know Olivia is strong. She is so excited to be going to school. I asked how many new friends she will make and she quickly replied "100!" And she might be right. Olivia loves people. When our neighbor comes home from work, Olivia runs out the door to tell her hello. If she sees a family member of someone she knows, she always says "tell ______ I said hi."  Even if that someone is their pet.

My prayer is that her spirit would not become hardened by the world. Today feels like a loss of innocence for her. At the bus stop this morning a little boy used the "F" word and was talking about another inappropriate subject. I asked him to please be careful in what he is saying around younger children. Not to mention the boy himself was too young to be saying such things. I know I have raised her with values and compassion. I pray she is strong enough to be a good influence on the other children instead of the of the other way around.

The hardest part of today is realizing she is growing up. There is no way to stop the process of time. Because of having an older child, I know within the blink of an eye she will no longer be in Kindergarten, but middle school. It seems like only a few weeks ago I was dropping her big sister off on her first day.

As I was walking with Olivia to the bus stop this morning she noticed some dirt on the side of the road and commented it looked like a horse. I guess now during the day I will have to take more time to look at the shapes of the clouds or even dirt on the ground and become more child-like myself. 

As I was helping her get ready this morning she was carrying around her blankie. The last thing she did before leaving was brush her teeth. As she walked out of the bathroom, she left blankie laying on the floor. It somehow felt symbolic to me. She was ready to leave behind her security and excited for what lay ahead of her. We should all view life the same way.

Psalms 78

Today I am reading Psalm 78. This is quite a long chapter and I recommend you read the entire chapter for yourself (http://www.youversion.com/bible/nkjv/ps/78/1). ; What I would like to focus on today is the beginning of the chapter.

"I'm chewing on the morsel of a proverb; I'll let you in on the sweet old truths, Stories we heard from our fathers, counsel we learned at our mother's knee. We're not keeping this to ourselves, we're passing it along to the next generation-God's fame and fortune, the marvelous things he has done. He planted a witness in Jacob, set his Word firmly in Israel, Then commanded our parents to teach it to their children So the next generation would know, and all the generations to come-Know the truth and tell the stories can trust in God, Never forget the works of God but keep his commands to the letter. Heaven forbid they should be like their parents, bullheaded and bad, A fickle and faithless bunch who never stayed true to God." Psalm 78:2-8 MSG

I love how the Message translation shares this verse. The "sweet old truths" that were shared by their parents. If you have a relationship with Christ and you have children, it is your responsibility to share your faith and the truth of Christ with them. This is true whether your children are two or thirty-two. We are the first and most influential witnesses in our children's lives. I grew up going to church, yet my parents never shared their PERSONAL faith with me. We never read the bible together or talked about what we had heard in church. Perhaps because of this lack of sharing, I did make many of the same mistakes my parents had made in their pasts. What I learned was that church was a place you went on Sunday, but was basically irrelevant the rest of the week. Before my mom passed away, I know her walk with Christ became very personal to her. I've seen changes in my dad over the last several years so I know His walk is different now too. In fact almost every time we talk now, there is mention of God and Christ. At my step-mother's funeral a couple weeks ago, I saw my dad raising his hands in worship. This is something I never recall him doing when I was younger.

Do you talk to you children about God in a personal, first hand kind of way. If they are older, do they know of your trust in Him. If He has provided for you, have you shared this with your children? Do you pray with your children? Do you ask them to pray for others? As I'm typing this, my 5 year old just walked into the room with the money she received from the tooth fairy last night and showed me the part she was putting aside for her offering. The rest she wants to use to purchase a birthday present for someone she knows (all $.75). My heart sings at her generosity! Are the fruits of the spirit being displayed in your children? Are they displayed by you?

My prayer for you going into this weekend is that your family's walk with Christ would become stronger. Try praying with your children and reading scripture together. Ask them for their input on what has been read. You might be surprised at just how much they understand! You might want to avoid Song of Solomon unless they are at least 16. :)

Psalm 69

Today we are reading Psalm 69. There are quite a few verses in this chapter and most are the Psalmist crying out to God for help. Maybe it's just me, but the Psalms seem to be a lot of whining and complaining. Perhaps it is just the ones that fall on Wednesdays and Fridays when I am writing. I read the chapter and think, "didn't I already read this?" As I had this thought, I had to laugh at myself. I wonder if that is what God thinks when I am whining to Him, yet again, about the same issue. Just as the Psalmist is repeatedly pleading for mercy from His enemies and for God to have His vengeance, we can also become stuck in a routine of our requests to God.

The part of this chapter that really struck a chord with me today is found in verses 5-6:

"O God, You know my foolishness; And my sins are not hidden from You.

Let not those who wait for You, O Lord God of hosts, be ashamed because of me; Let not those who seek You be confounded because of me, O God of Israel"

How many of our actions are foolishness to God? Not only do we do foolish things, but then we try to hide them from God! While we may be able to hide things from our fellow brothers and sisters, there is absolutely nothing hidden from God. The message last Sunday at my church was on wisdom regarding immorality. When I think of "secret" sins, sex tops the list of those that come to mind. Not simply the act of sex, but everything that goes along with it....lustful thoughts, conversations, and pornography to name a few. I mention this because for me, this is MY area of "secret" sin. This is the area in which I have struggled the most. However, by my sharing this with you, I find it becomes no longer secret. It is also the area in which when I find myself struggling or being tempted, I have friends I can confide in and who encourage me to remain true to God. They reassure me of the promises He has made regarding the man of God He has chosen for me!

Throughout my years of walking with Christ, there are times I have stumbled. When these things happen, the second part of the above verse speaks to me. I pray that anyone who is seeking HIM, never be confounded because of me. See, as humans we can often place too much trust and faith in people. We are commanded to follow Christ, never His followers. When we place too much blind faith in another human being, we set ourselves up for disappointment. There have been times I have confessed to a fellow sister in Christ and seen her surprise at my confession (I'm not referring to just sexual sin here, but any area of battle). One friend even said "wow, I always thought you were stronger than that." While I appreciate her admiration of me, those types of thoughts toward any human are misplaced.



We can all find ourselves subject to weakness. This is why it is SO important to choose our friends wisely. This is why it is so important to remain plugged into your local church community. This is why it is important to read the word of God. Maybe it's just me, but I find it very difficult to read scripture and then deliberately choose to do something sinful. It is because as we are reading scripture for ourselves, this is when we are communing with the Holy Spirit. We are inviting Him into our lives and it is then we can hear His voice more clearly.  



My prayer for you today is that if there is anything you are keeping in secret, that it would be revealed. Find someone you can confide in and share your struggles. Please choose wisely in your confidants! We all need someone in our lives who will speak the truth of God to us in love and not judgment. I also recommend finding someone who is more mature in their spiritual walk and perhaps has walked the road you are on or one that is similar. They will understand where you are and can also provide the assurance that it all will work out and choosing God's path is always worth it!

Psalm 67

Psalms 67 is a chapter all about praise. There are times in life when praising God seems to be the very last thing we would want to do.

Family has turned their backs on us.

Your children have lost their minds and manners.

A close friend betray us.

The finances are non-existent and the bills keep coming.

We just lost a job.


The list of reasons we could choose to not praise God would take hours for me to list. However, there is the other side of the tale....



We woke up this morning. Not only did we wake up, but most of us woke up in a comfortable bed with shelter over our heads.

Our children cleaned their rooms without us asking and spent several hours playing together rather than fighting.

A card just arrived in the mail from a friend who knew you needed something to make you smile and a reminder that you are loved.

Family relationships which were once strained and now healing.

The sun is shining providing us with vitamin D...for free.

If you are reading these words, you have sight to see. You also have internet!

Even though funds are low or gone, you look around and see you have absolutely everything you need.

You lost your job, but now have more time to spend with your children and build friendships you never had time for before.


Perhaps you read the above list and think, "yeah, those all sound great, but......you don't know ___________ that is going on in my life."  Well, I have one more reason for you to offer praise:

Jesus came to earth, died in your place, so you can conversate and spend ETERNITY with the one and only God! Hello! The maker of the universe sent His SON for YOU!

No matter what is happening in your here and now, there is always a reason to sing praises! Nothing on earth compares to the love poured out by Christ at Calvary. No bill, no death, no argument, no hardship, no NOTHING!

"Let the peoples praise You, O God; Let all the peoples praise You.
Oh, let the nations be glad and sing for joy! For You shall judge the people righteously,
And govern the nations on earth. Selah
Let the peoples praise You, O God; Let all the peoples praise You." Psalm 67:3-5

Forgiving

Just as I was about to sit down to write on Psalm 60 yesterday, I received a phone call from my dad letting me know my stepmother passed away. May 20 of this year she was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer. That's only two months and 9 days. 70 days from diagnosis to going home to Jesus. In my conversations with Ruth after her diagnosis she never once complained. Not one time did she say anything negative. Her only concern was for my dad and how he would handle all of this after she was gone.

I am at a place of extreme mixed emotions right now. My relationship with my dad and stepmother was non-existent for about six years. Offense built on offense until it reached the place of not speaking. During this time of non-communication my youngest daughter Olivia was born. It was very hard to have a child and not have the support of either of my parents (my mom passed away in 1999). There were things that happened in my childhood on the part of my dad that led to the initial offense. The timing in my life when Ruth entered was not ideal and definitely not in receptive circumstances. Over the years many hurtful words were spoken from both sides. Racism played a huge role in our not communicating. For those who do not know, both my daughters are bi-racial.

What reopened the lines of communication was the death of my grandmother, my dad's mom. We were both at her funeral and it was the first time in years we were in the same place at the same time and had no option but to speak. The initial conversation was rough to say the least. I will not go into details, but only say I was literally backed into a corner and confronted regarding a conversation that had occurred several years prior. It was my stepmother who intervened and apologized to me and said she had told my dad to let it go. It was time to get over the past and move forward towards healing. After this meeting, I saw them a couple times as they were passing through the Charlotte area and we talked frequently on the phone.

It is a strange place to be right now. I'll be honest in saying I have no idea what the future holds in regards to my relationship with my dad. I am still in the process of healing from childhood wounds. Wounds he never remembers making and swears he never did. In my heart, I feel he is telling the truth by saying he doesn't remember ever doing the things he has been accused of doing. Not the truth in that he never did them, but the truth in that he does not remember. Somehow, this offers me the grace to forgive. As I've prayed for God to show me him and my stepmother as He sees them, I've come to view them with my eyes now at 34 and not my eyes at age 4, 14, or 24.

My prayer for each of you today is in regards to any relationship you have that needs to be reconciled. I've heard it said best that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. When you refuse to forgive, you only hurt yourself. This is not to say that what happened to you is okay. Hurt is hurt no matter if it was intentional or unintentional, mental, physical, sexual, or emotional. Yet being a victim in you past does not have to make you a victim in your present or your future. The choice to forgive and move forward is completely up to you. I am also not promising it will be an instant occurrence. The enemy will fight to keep you within the prison of your offense and unforgiveness. He knows that as long as you are trapped there, you will be ineffective to God's kingdom. He knows the scriptures say:

"But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:15

"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25

" “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." Luke 6:37

These are just a few examples of scripture that tells us the number one reason why we have to forgive others. We cannot be forgiven if we are unwilling to extend forgiveness and grace to others. It's just that simple. None of us are guaranteed a tomorrow. If the person you are angry with died today, would there be words left unspoken that could have brought healing? If you died today, what would you want people to remember about you? Would it be that you were forgiving or that you refused to practice the grace you claimed to have through Christ?

Psalm 51

Today I am reading Psalm 51. It is a beautiful, heartfelt scripture of repentance. David wrote these verses after his affair with Bathsheba and he has realized the full extent and consequences of his actions. When we consider the sins of David, we often look at the people who were affected by his actions. The same is often true with our own sins or the sins of those closest to us. A spouse cheats and we see the hurt it causes the whole family. Someone steals and we see the effect on the person stolen from. A murder is committed and we see the ripples through those who loved the one murdered. What we often do not consider is the One who is sinned against the most. David "got" this.

"You're the One I've violated, and you've seen it all, seen the full extent of my evil. You have all the facts before you; whatever you decide about me is fair. I've been out of step with you for a long time, in the wrong since before I was born. What you're after is truth from the inside out. Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life." Psalm 51:4-6

David acknowledges to God that God is the one he has sinned against. More so than any person on earth, it is God we sin against. I love that David does not attempt to excuse his behavior or place blame anywhere else. He humbly comes to God and states whatever God's judgment, it would be fair. Like many of us when we fall into temptation, David shares he has been out of step with God for a long time. Falling into temptation is rarely an instant event. From my own experience I know it is much easier for me to fall into temptation when I have distanced myself from God. This includes not reading my Bible, attending small groups, and isolating myself from Christian friends. When we are sinning, we often remove ourselves from people who are close to God in their walk. Even though they may not know of our sin, our own conviction becomes too great to be around those who exude God's presence in themselves. I've seen it happen both in myself and in others who are straying from God. I have known when friends are battling their demons because they withdraw from community.

I find verse 7 humorous to me this morning because last night I dreamed I woke up and it was snowing outside. I posted this on Facebook and a friend commented it was because God has cleansed me white as snow. Verse 7 says this: "Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean, scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life." My life has been anything but snow-white. Yet, through the blood of Jesus, it's as if I've never sinned.

David continues to write " God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life." Wow. Think of the week described in Genesis. God created the entire universe from NOTHING. We may look at our lives and see chaos and nothingness. However, God can use even out chaos, our mess, our nothing to make something beautiful. David knew he had made a mess of his life. He also knew God could take that mess and turn it into something to be used for His glory. No matter what you have done, or how messy your story is, God can use it to lead others to Him. David pleads for God to breathe holiness into him, put fresh wind into his sails, to commute his death sentence so he can sing praises, and to let loose his lips. The request David makes that has resonated with me the most is this: "Give me a job teaching rebels your ways so the lost can find their way home." This sounds like the great commission to me! There is no greater mission for us to have than to seek out those who are rebelling and help guide them home. How would you describe "HOME"? To me, it is a place of safety and peace. It is comfort. It is where you can relax and be yourself without any facade. It is a place to be naked (stop laughing!). Many in rebellion are simply seeking the place where they can be all of these things.

Lastly, David acknowledges what God truly wants from us....sincerity.

" Going through the motions doesn't please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice." Psalm 51:16-17

My prayer for each of you today is to have a fresh revelation of God. If you feel you have simply been going through the motions, I pray today you see how to change the motions into sincere worship. As much as it hurts when it happens, I pray God shatters your pride. It is when you allow yourself to be shattered that God takes notice and it is only in our brokenness that He can piece us back together as He sees us.

Psalm 44

Today I am reading Psalm 44. This chapter begins with the author describing how his people have heard of all the things God has done in the past. He lists how in the past God helped win battles and caused afflictions to the enemies of His people. He describes how God's favor protected his ancestors in their time of need. As I read the list, I wonder how many of us say these kinds of things to God, but then we stop at what God did for someone else. Is God personal to us or is He someone we talk about in terms of what He has done for others? Do we believe in God because it is what our parents taught us or have we examined our beliefs at a personal level?

Verse 4 begins " You are my King, O God". The author is making his personal declaration of how he views God. He then proceeds to state what He knows God is capable of doing in his own life. The psalmists transitions from God doing in the past to what He can do in the future. It is always good to acknowledge what God has done in the past, but we must never stop there. There is so much more God wants to do in our present and our future. We must remember to ASK!

"Through You we will push down our enemies; Through Your name we will trample those who rise up against us.  For I will not trust in my bow, Nor shall my sword save me. But You have saved us from our enemies, And have put to shame those who hated us.  In God we boast all day long, And praise Your name forever." Psalm 44:5-8

Notice how the author states he will not trust in his bow or his sword. What "weapons" are you clinging to in hopes of changing your situation? Is it a relationship? Perhaps a job (money)? Do you lie awake at night trying to figure out how to fix your situation? Or do you lie awake praising God for all He has done, is doing, and will do in your life? I will be the first to admit there are times when it feels as if God is not doing anything in our lives. We find ourselves living in pain, be it physical, emotional, mental, or financial. We may think God is not doing anything in the midst of what we are going through. If you are feeling as if God is not listening, take heart! The Psalmist felt the same way!

" Awake! Why do You sleep, O Lord? Arise! Do not cast us off forever.  Why do You hide Your face, And  For our soul is bowed down to the dust; Our body clings to the ground. Arise for our help, And redeem us for Your mercies’ sake. forget our affliction and our oppression?" Psalm 44:23-26

Know that God never sleeps! Even when we do not see Him in our lives, He is always at work. Right now I am experiencing some serious financial battles. Through it all, I am seeing how God is teaching me to budget and handle my finances more responsibly. I realize how looking in from the outside, it would be hard to see how this is true. I no longer have a car, my phone is temporarily disconnected, and there is very little in my bank account at the moment. Yet the peace I have in my life is so far beyond anything I can explain! I am learning how to be content in all things. I'm learning how to appreciate what I have instead of focusing on what I do not have. I'm learning how much money I wasted on things that were not necessities in my life. Now, I know it may be hard to see how a car is not a necessity. I know it is, but the amount of the monthly payments I was making is definitely not a necessity. Years ago I committed myself to a payment that far exceeded a wise amount and led to me not being a good steward of the finances God had given me.

I also know God has been dealing with the issue of pride in my life. You become very humble when you have to ask others for a ride to church, the grocery store, or to work! Pride tries to keep us quiet about whatever situation we are dealing with personally. Pride tells you to keep it to yourself because what will others think if they know the truth about you.

What is the situation in your life right now in which you feel God is not listening? What is it that He could be trying to teach you through this trial? Personally, I think God waits for us to listen to the lesson before He takes action. Remember, He never sleeps or ignores us when we call out to Him. I pray today you spend time seeking Him and asking what it is He is trying to teach you at this current stage in your life.