Forgiving

Just as I was about to sit down to write on Psalm 60 yesterday, I received a phone call from my dad letting me know my stepmother passed away. May 20 of this year she was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer. That's only two months and 9 days. 70 days from diagnosis to going home to Jesus. In my conversations with Ruth after her diagnosis she never once complained. Not one time did she say anything negative. Her only concern was for my dad and how he would handle all of this after she was gone.

I am at a place of extreme mixed emotions right now. My relationship with my dad and stepmother was non-existent for about six years. Offense built on offense until it reached the place of not speaking. During this time of non-communication my youngest daughter Olivia was born. It was very hard to have a child and not have the support of either of my parents (my mom passed away in 1999). There were things that happened in my childhood on the part of my dad that led to the initial offense. The timing in my life when Ruth entered was not ideal and definitely not in receptive circumstances. Over the years many hurtful words were spoken from both sides. Racism played a huge role in our not communicating. For those who do not know, both my daughters are bi-racial.

What reopened the lines of communication was the death of my grandmother, my dad's mom. We were both at her funeral and it was the first time in years we were in the same place at the same time and had no option but to speak. The initial conversation was rough to say the least. I will not go into details, but only say I was literally backed into a corner and confronted regarding a conversation that had occurred several years prior. It was my stepmother who intervened and apologized to me and said she had told my dad to let it go. It was time to get over the past and move forward towards healing. After this meeting, I saw them a couple times as they were passing through the Charlotte area and we talked frequently on the phone.

It is a strange place to be right now. I'll be honest in saying I have no idea what the future holds in regards to my relationship with my dad. I am still in the process of healing from childhood wounds. Wounds he never remembers making and swears he never did. In my heart, I feel he is telling the truth by saying he doesn't remember ever doing the things he has been accused of doing. Not the truth in that he never did them, but the truth in that he does not remember. Somehow, this offers me the grace to forgive. As I've prayed for God to show me him and my stepmother as He sees them, I've come to view them with my eyes now at 34 and not my eyes at age 4, 14, or 24.

My prayer for each of you today is in regards to any relationship you have that needs to be reconciled. I've heard it said best that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. When you refuse to forgive, you only hurt yourself. This is not to say that what happened to you is okay. Hurt is hurt no matter if it was intentional or unintentional, mental, physical, sexual, or emotional. Yet being a victim in you past does not have to make you a victim in your present or your future. The choice to forgive and move forward is completely up to you. I am also not promising it will be an instant occurrence. The enemy will fight to keep you within the prison of your offense and unforgiveness. He knows that as long as you are trapped there, you will be ineffective to God's kingdom. He knows the scriptures say:

"But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:15

"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25

" “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." Luke 6:37

These are just a few examples of scripture that tells us the number one reason why we have to forgive others. We cannot be forgiven if we are unwilling to extend forgiveness and grace to others. It's just that simple. None of us are guaranteed a tomorrow. If the person you are angry with died today, would there be words left unspoken that could have brought healing? If you died today, what would you want people to remember about you? Would it be that you were forgiving or that you refused to practice the grace you claimed to have through Christ?

Psalm 51

Today I am reading Psalm 51. It is a beautiful, heartfelt scripture of repentance. David wrote these verses after his affair with Bathsheba and he has realized the full extent and consequences of his actions. When we consider the sins of David, we often look at the people who were affected by his actions. The same is often true with our own sins or the sins of those closest to us. A spouse cheats and we see the hurt it causes the whole family. Someone steals and we see the effect on the person stolen from. A murder is committed and we see the ripples through those who loved the one murdered. What we often do not consider is the One who is sinned against the most. David "got" this.

"You're the One I've violated, and you've seen it all, seen the full extent of my evil. You have all the facts before you; whatever you decide about me is fair. I've been out of step with you for a long time, in the wrong since before I was born. What you're after is truth from the inside out. Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life." Psalm 51:4-6

David acknowledges to God that God is the one he has sinned against. More so than any person on earth, it is God we sin against. I love that David does not attempt to excuse his behavior or place blame anywhere else. He humbly comes to God and states whatever God's judgment, it would be fair. Like many of us when we fall into temptation, David shares he has been out of step with God for a long time. Falling into temptation is rarely an instant event. From my own experience I know it is much easier for me to fall into temptation when I have distanced myself from God. This includes not reading my Bible, attending small groups, and isolating myself from Christian friends. When we are sinning, we often remove ourselves from people who are close to God in their walk. Even though they may not know of our sin, our own conviction becomes too great to be around those who exude God's presence in themselves. I've seen it happen both in myself and in others who are straying from God. I have known when friends are battling their demons because they withdraw from community.

I find verse 7 humorous to me this morning because last night I dreamed I woke up and it was snowing outside. I posted this on Facebook and a friend commented it was because God has cleansed me white as snow. Verse 7 says this: "Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean, scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life." My life has been anything but snow-white. Yet, through the blood of Jesus, it's as if I've never sinned.

David continues to write " God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life." Wow. Think of the week described in Genesis. God created the entire universe from NOTHING. We may look at our lives and see chaos and nothingness. However, God can use even out chaos, our mess, our nothing to make something beautiful. David knew he had made a mess of his life. He also knew God could take that mess and turn it into something to be used for His glory. No matter what you have done, or how messy your story is, God can use it to lead others to Him. David pleads for God to breathe holiness into him, put fresh wind into his sails, to commute his death sentence so he can sing praises, and to let loose his lips. The request David makes that has resonated with me the most is this: "Give me a job teaching rebels your ways so the lost can find their way home." This sounds like the great commission to me! There is no greater mission for us to have than to seek out those who are rebelling and help guide them home. How would you describe "HOME"? To me, it is a place of safety and peace. It is comfort. It is where you can relax and be yourself without any facade. It is a place to be naked (stop laughing!). Many in rebellion are simply seeking the place where they can be all of these things.

Lastly, David acknowledges what God truly wants from us....sincerity.

" Going through the motions doesn't please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice." Psalm 51:16-17

My prayer for each of you today is to have a fresh revelation of God. If you feel you have simply been going through the motions, I pray today you see how to change the motions into sincere worship. As much as it hurts when it happens, I pray God shatters your pride. It is when you allow yourself to be shattered that God takes notice and it is only in our brokenness that He can piece us back together as He sees us.

Psalm 44

Today I am reading Psalm 44. This chapter begins with the author describing how his people have heard of all the things God has done in the past. He lists how in the past God helped win battles and caused afflictions to the enemies of His people. He describes how God's favor protected his ancestors in their time of need. As I read the list, I wonder how many of us say these kinds of things to God, but then we stop at what God did for someone else. Is God personal to us or is He someone we talk about in terms of what He has done for others? Do we believe in God because it is what our parents taught us or have we examined our beliefs at a personal level?

Verse 4 begins " You are my King, O God". The author is making his personal declaration of how he views God. He then proceeds to state what He knows God is capable of doing in his own life. The psalmists transitions from God doing in the past to what He can do in the future. It is always good to acknowledge what God has done in the past, but we must never stop there. There is so much more God wants to do in our present and our future. We must remember to ASK!

"Through You we will push down our enemies; Through Your name we will trample those who rise up against us.  For I will not trust in my bow, Nor shall my sword save me. But You have saved us from our enemies, And have put to shame those who hated us.  In God we boast all day long, And praise Your name forever." Psalm 44:5-8

Notice how the author states he will not trust in his bow or his sword. What "weapons" are you clinging to in hopes of changing your situation? Is it a relationship? Perhaps a job (money)? Do you lie awake at night trying to figure out how to fix your situation? Or do you lie awake praising God for all He has done, is doing, and will do in your life? I will be the first to admit there are times when it feels as if God is not doing anything in our lives. We find ourselves living in pain, be it physical, emotional, mental, or financial. We may think God is not doing anything in the midst of what we are going through. If you are feeling as if God is not listening, take heart! The Psalmist felt the same way!

" Awake! Why do You sleep, O Lord? Arise! Do not cast us off forever.  Why do You hide Your face, And  For our soul is bowed down to the dust; Our body clings to the ground. Arise for our help, And redeem us for Your mercies’ sake. forget our affliction and our oppression?" Psalm 44:23-26

Know that God never sleeps! Even when we do not see Him in our lives, He is always at work. Right now I am experiencing some serious financial battles. Through it all, I am seeing how God is teaching me to budget and handle my finances more responsibly. I realize how looking in from the outside, it would be hard to see how this is true. I no longer have a car, my phone is temporarily disconnected, and there is very little in my bank account at the moment. Yet the peace I have in my life is so far beyond anything I can explain! I am learning how to be content in all things. I'm learning how to appreciate what I have instead of focusing on what I do not have. I'm learning how much money I wasted on things that were not necessities in my life. Now, I know it may be hard to see how a car is not a necessity. I know it is, but the amount of the monthly payments I was making is definitely not a necessity. Years ago I committed myself to a payment that far exceeded a wise amount and led to me not being a good steward of the finances God had given me.

I also know God has been dealing with the issue of pride in my life. You become very humble when you have to ask others for a ride to church, the grocery store, or to work! Pride tries to keep us quiet about whatever situation we are dealing with personally. Pride tells you to keep it to yourself because what will others think if they know the truth about you.

What is the situation in your life right now in which you feel God is not listening? What is it that He could be trying to teach you through this trial? Personally, I think God waits for us to listen to the lesson before He takes action. Remember, He never sleeps or ignores us when we call out to Him. I pray today you spend time seeking Him and asking what it is He is trying to teach you at this current stage in your life.

Psalm 39

As I read Psalm 39 today, there are two topics speaking to me. The first is a reminder of the power of our tongue. It is not so much a reminder of the power of our words, but in having wisdom of when to not speak and when to speak. A sure sign of maturity is the level of "opinion" someone gives. We all know people who voice their opinion on everything and they do not care who hears, who knows, or who is even listening. The Psalmist writes in this chapter of restraining his tongue, even with a muzzle. I find this verse very assuring! The author is acknowledging the strength sometimes needed to refrain from saying words that are better left unsaid!

The next verses are an admonition of the penalty for NOT speaking when God is prompting us to speak.  Many of my regrets in conversations are not the words I said, but more the words I know I should have said, yet did not. The Psalmist writes here of the sorrow he felt after refraining from speaking good. Have you ever had a situation you walked away from and felt sad for not obeying God's spirit in the conversation? It could be with a friend, family member, or a stranger in the grocery store. There are times God has prompted me to give a word of encouragement to a stranger and because of my own insecurities regarding what they would think of me, I was not obedient. I have to admit I left the situation very sorrowful!

"I said, “I will guard my ways, Lest I sin with my tongue; I will restrain my mouth with a muzzle, While the wicked are before me.” I was mute with silence, I held my peace even from good;  And my sorrow was stirred up. My heart was hot within me; While I was musing, the fire burned. Then I spoke with my tongue: .  "  Psalm 39:1-3

The second topic speaking to me in this chapter is that of realizing the temporariness of our time here on earth. The words the Psalmists does speak are words to God of being reminded to acknowledge our time here. Death is something of a taboo subject. It's not exactly a happy subject for most people. However, our time here on earth when compared to eternity is so extremely temporary! The reality is each one of us have eternal life. The question each of us must answer is where will we spend that time? However, we also need to recognize our salvation through Christ is not only a "get out of hell" card. Salvation through Christ begins in this life. It starts here and now. The day you accept Christ as your savior is the day your eternal life in heaven begins. Christ wants to not only give you heavenly residence, He wants your life healed and restored here on earth also.

The Psalmist writes "And now, Lord, what do I wait for? My hope is in You" in verse 7. (Sidenote: I'm fighting the urge to include another Third Day song here!) These two topics come together when viewing how our words will echo for eternity. Do our words give hope, encouragement, and help guide others to know the love of Jesus? Or do our words demean, destroy, and do more to turn people away from Christ than guide others to Him?  Everything we do has some kind of consequence. The consequences are often never seen by us in our flesh. However, I believe in heaven we will be shown some of those "ripples" from an action or conversation we had, or did not have, while here on earth.

My prayer for each of you today is to recognize opportunities, as they are presented, to make a difference in someone's life. If you do not have a personal relationship with Jesus, I pray today is the day you accept His love and the hope only He can provide. If you have accepted His forgiveness, but are not walking as if you were free, I pray today is the day you begin experiencing His freedom. I'm praying for you!

Psalm 36

I absolutely love the way the writer begins chapter 36 of Psalms. "An oracle within my heart...." is the way the author chooses to begin sharing his heart. As he is contemplating the wicked people; he is seeing their irreverence for God and lack of fear. We all have some kind of fruit for our actions. We are most familiar with the fruits of the spirit, but what are the fruits of turning away from God. In this chapter we read disrespect for God leads to pride, wicked words, deceitfulness, lack of wisdom, and evil actions.

" An oracle within my heart concerning the transgression of the wicked: There is no fear of God before his eyes.  For he flatters himself in his own eyes, When he finds out his iniquity and when he hates.  The words of his mouth are wickedness and deceit; He has ceased to be wise and to do good.  He devises wickedness on his bed; He sets himself in a way that is not good; He does not abhor evil."  Psalms 36:1-4


I find it interesting the Psalmist moves from describing the wicked straight into God's mercy. As much as we love God's mercy for ourselves, it is sometimes difficult to see God's mercy extended to those who have hurt us or we view as wicked. God's faithfulness stands not only for us, but for anyone who calls on His name and repents of their sins. There is also nothing that can compare to his righteousness and His justice. He is our avenger and we do not need to attempt to do His job while we are here on earth. Our society is all about "justice" and what is "right" or "fair." As I think of how God's love works, it hardly seems fair at time. Then again, it seems unfair to me after all I have done in my life that He still loves me the way He does. Not only does He love me now, but He always loved me. From the creation of the earth to infinity, He loves me.

"Your mercy, O LORD, is in the heavens; Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.  Your righteousness is like the great mountains; Your judgments are a great deep; O LORD, You preserve man and beast.  How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings. They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house, And You give them drink from the river of Your pleasures.  For with You is the fountain of life; In Your light we see light." Psalms 36:5-9

We can not only trust Him, we can trust in His shadow. That is how strong the love and faithfulness of God is to us! When we place our trust in Him and all He has to offer us, we find ourselves abundantly satisfied. I look around at the state of our world and so many people spend their entire lives chasing after an illusion of satisfaction. True satisfaction can ONLY be found within the love of Christ. Just as was spoken to the woman at the well, when we drink from the water of Christ, we will never thirst again!

The Psalmist ends with a plea for God to not end His love and to honor those who are upright in their ways. His request for protection from pride resonates with me. This is one area we, as humans, can find ourselves easily ensnared. This is an area God has been pointing out to me in my own life over the last few months. As soon as my pride says I would never do ________, is when I find opportunity arises for me to do the exact thing I say I would never do! We can also believe we have conquered an area of weakness, but easily forget it is only through the help of Christ and by staying in the Word that we are able to walk a straight(er) path. I say straight(er) because I'm not sure mine has been all that straight! Just as the Psalmist, my plea to God is to never let the hand of the wicked drive me away from God. I pray for His protection from evil and from falling to iniquity. I have found as long as I stay under His shadow, everything works out for the best!

"Oh, continue Your lovingkindness to those who know You, And Your righteousness to the upright in heart.  Let not the foot of pride come against me, And let not the hand of the wicked drive me away.  There the workers of iniquity have fallen; They have been cast down and are not able to rise." Psalms 36:10-12

Psalms 31

Where do you place your trust? I know the quick and easy answer is to reply your trust is in God. Is this really the truth? It is so easy to think our trust is fully in God, but yet we watch the stock market daily, follow the actions of our government with critiquing eyes and activism, or place our trust in our boyfriend, spouse, parents, or other family members. I know in my own life something has happened and I've been disappointed and betrayed and one of my first thoughts is "but I trusted you." There is a big difference in trusting someone and trusting IN someone. Only God is worthy of our trust. Only God can save and rescue us from entrapment. Not our government. Not our money. Not a person.

"In You, O LORD, I put my trust; Let me never be ashamed; Deliver me in Your righteousness. Bow down Your ear to me, Deliver me speedily; Be my rock of refuge, A fortress of defense to save me" Psalms 31:1-2

As I read further through this chapter, I see similarities in my life and David's. Yes, I know it is a big step to compare my life to someone as great as David, but in reality, he was just as human as each one of us. It is easy to read the bible and all the amazing stories of the great things the men and women in these stories did and find ourselves in awe. Yet, we have been created for just as great things as each person written about in scripture. The beauty of the Psalms is reading not simply of the acts of an individual, but gaining an insight into the thoughts and emotions of David and others. It is like reading a newspaper article and then having access to the hero or heroine's journal or blog to get the emotional side of the story.

In Psalms 31, David sees his enemies trying to trap him. I see this in my own life. I have seen a glimpse of the vision God has for my life. Satan has seen this also and he is not willing to give up easily. Our enemy knows our weaknesses and sets traps to ensnare us. He knows if he can distract us from the ministry or mission God has given us, then we will not be able to fulfill our potential in Christ.

"Pull me out of the net which they have secretly laid for me, For You are my strength. Into Your hand I commit my spirit; You have redeemed me, O LORD God of truth." Psalms 31:4-5

This is again where we must examine our trust. If we trust in things or people, it becomes easy for the enemy to entrap us. If our trust is in money, he will use money to control us. Mammon is an idol and can easily trap us if we place our trust in it rather than trusting God as our provider. When we pursue God's call and plan for us, He will always make provision. If a relationship is where we put our trust, the enemy will bring unhealthy relationships into our path to pull us away from our relationship with Christ.

Trusting fully in God is something I have to be vigilant about pursuing. In this world, it is easy to become distracted by false idols. We are surrounded by them! However, the reward for trusting only in God is so far beyond anything this world has to offer! Trusting Him brings us peace and contentment. It is a peace and contentment nothing in this world can offer!

"Oh, how great is Your goodness, Which You have laid up for those who fear You, Which You have prepared for those who trust in You In the presence of the sons of men! You shall hide them in the secret place of Your presence From the plots of man; You shall keep them secretly in a pavilion from the strife of tongues." Psalms 31:19-20

Psalm 27

My reading today in Psalm 27 contains a much quoted verse of scripture in the first verse. "The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear?" is a verse I've heard used many times by numerous authors and pastors. As I've read through the rest of this chapter, I've seen there is so much more to this chapter than just the first verse. The verse that grabbed my attention and I read several times is verse 4.


"One thing I have desired of the LORD, That will I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to inquire in His temple."

David writes here of his one desire. The only desire he has is to dwell in the house of God all the days of his life. He longs to see the beauty of the Lord and to spend time with him. As we continue reading this chapter, we see the results of seeking God above all else in our life. When we are in trouble, God will protect us when we are seeking Him. He sets us in high places of protection. When in battle, the higher ground always has the advantage. You are able to see the enemy approaching from miles away and are able to prepare for battle. The same occurs for us when we are spending time with God and seeking Him above all else. He opens our eyes to see when the enemy is approaching and He prepares us for spiritual battle.

Seeking God above all else allows us to stand tall in the face of our enemies. It is easy to read this and immediately picture the face of someone you consider your enemy. However, we only have one true enemy. A person is never our enemy. Flesh is not our enemy. The lies of satan is our enemy. Satan is who deceives people with his lies and they in turn behave in ways not intended for them by God. They make choices that are ungodly, and in turn can cause us pain and hurt. When we are actively seeking God, we are able to recognize when satan is at work and God helps us to hold our heads high even when people have harmed us. Though the pain of hurt, our closeness to God allows us to continue to praise Him. We not only offer our sacrifice of praise, but we can do so with joy!

When God instructed God to seek His face, David replied not only with his head or his words, but with his heart. It was not out of knowledge that he sought after God, but with all of his heart. He pleaded for God to never forsake him or turn away from him. Even if his parents forsake him, he knows he can survive it all as long as God is still with him. Our world is full of hurting people because so many of us have idols in our lives. An idol is so much more than a statue we offer prayers to. An idol is ANYTHING that is placed in higher position in our lives over God. This can be our children, husband, friends, jobs, money, sports teams, or even our position with our churches. If we are serving in order to simply maintain a title or position of respect within the church, this can become an idol. Are you serving simply to be seen or respected or are you serving out of your love for God. Do you serve only where it's convenient (i.e. short amount of time commitment required) or are you serving where God is calling you? (I feel like I've digressed greatly here, but perhaps there is someone who needed to hear this).

In verse 13, David writes he would have lost heart had he not believed in the goodness of God. He believed in God's goodness because God was all he was seeking. No matter what happened to David, he could praise God because he knew God was his strength. The God of David is the same God who wants a relationship with you. The same strength given to David can be given to you. The same joy of David can invade and take over your heart. The first step is to seek Him. I pray you take time this weekend to seek God. Turn off the television. Drown out the chaos around you, and seek Him. No matter where you currently are in your walk, you can seek Him. If you've never accepted Christ as your Savior, today would be a great day. If you've accepted Him in your life before, but have strayed, it's a great day to come home. If satan has been telling you it's not possible to spend time with God after all you've done, today is the day to stop believing that lie. God loves you no matter what and He's waiting for you to seek Him....above all else.