A couple weeks ago I received a message from my cousin saying I probably would want to call my Grandma because she wasn't feeling too well. Honestly, I didn't want to think about this reality. I knew a phone call wouldn't be enough for me so as soon as my schedule would allow, I made the 3 1/2 hour drive to say my goodbye. Not everyone believed this was "it" for her, but I didn't want to take the chance and not see her one more time.
It's a very surreal experience to make a trip to see someone knowing it will be the last time you see them this side of eternity. I was able to stay with Grandma most of the day. I wish I could say there were some ground breaking conversation and final words of wisdom imparted to me, but Grandma really didn't have much to say. I laughed as she offered everyone the spam she had in her kitchen cabinet. I don't think I ever remember seeing her when she wasn't offering someone something to eat. Not that she would necessarily prepare the food, but she would always tell you where the food was located. As a mother of nine children, I guess it was hard to get over someone always wanting food.
Grandma was the strongest, most stubborn and opinionated woman I've ever known. She never hesitated to tell you exactly what she thought about something and she never did it with very much tact or sugar coating. If she thought you were overweight, she would tell you. She would also tell you if you were too skinny. If your hair was too long, she would tell you to cut it and then when you did, she would tell you how much better it looked long. When you walked into her store after not visiting for months, she would smile big and was happy to see you. This was most true if you happened to have a baby in tow. She lit up holding a baby. I've had conversations with family wondering how many babies she's held at the same spot at the end of the table in the eating area by the kitchen of her little country store.
Speaking of her store, there's not a memory I have that her store didn't exist. She moved into it's current location in the early 70's (by my guess). My whole life I knew Grandma as a self-employed business owner. My aunt told me Grandma worked at a Levi's factory and in her free time sold Avon. It was the income she made from Avon she saved to purchase the inventory for her first store. She did things her own way. She made her own decisions and God help whoever tried to disagree or argue with her. She loved to fish more than anyone I've ever known so it made sense she sold live minnows and raised worms in beds outside the store. My daughters referred to her as Grandma with the fish.
It was in this store that I had my first job at the age of 14. It was not a very fun time of my life and Grandma and Mom decided it would be good for me to get out of the house and help Grandma every day after school. During those hours I learned how to run the cash register, but mostly how to clean. I dusted more shelves and washed more dishes than I can even begin to remember. My gosh! The dust and dishes never ended! To this day, the smell of her dish soap makes me remember all the hours at her sink. While working the cash register she insisted all the bills be turned the same direction, to never put the money away until you had counted out the person's change (so they couldn't try to tell you they'd given you a larger bill than they really did), and to always place someone's change in their hand, never on the counter. During the summer I worked there and helped with the bushels and bushels of vegetables she grew in her own garden. I still quiver thinking of the huge silk worms we would find in the corn. And oh the mess that was made during the canning process of green beans, tomatoes, corn, and more. But it didn't matter because Grandma made sure I cleaned it up. I learned how to "properly" wring out a mop and how a string mop was the only appropriate way to mop a floor. I was taught how to stock the drink box by putting the new drinks towards the back and don't ever leave the door open longer than necessary because you were letting out all the cold air and she had to pay for that air. She never hesitated to tell customers this too.
Thinking back over what I know of her life, Grandma had seen many tragedies and experienced a great deal of heartbreak. But through it all, she was resilient and strong. Perhaps it is because of the Cherokee blood in her veins. She comes from a line of warriors. I understand why she didn't put up with any nonsense. She didn't have time or patience for it. She taught me that it's okay to just be yourself. She taught me to be a strong woman. Not only was she self-employed my whole life, but my mom was also. I like to think I'm the third generation of self-employed women. They taught me to work for myself, but to understand working for yourself is hard work. You are the one to get up early because you are the one responsible. It's your name on the "building." She taught me the love of family, even when they make decisions and do things with which you may not agree.
Last Friday the call came I didn't want to hear. Grandma had passed. Her 94 years (just a few weeks short of 95) had come to an end. As hard as it is to say goodbye to the leader and matriarch of your family, it's also a time of rejoicing. Her descendants at the time of her death number at 104. My current number at almost 40 is 2. There's some perspective. 104 lives on this planet can be attributed to her existence. Because she was here, I am here. Because she was who she was, I am in part who I am. I can't use a string mop without thinking of her.
Today she will be laid to rest next to my mom. I'm told during her final weeks, Grandma was overheard talking to my mom in her sleep. She was telling her how she would be seeing her soon. This brings such peace. As much as it hurt to lose my mom, I can't imagine what it was like for Grandma to lose her daughter. The last time I saw Grandma, I told her I hoped she felt better soon. Her response was, "It's okay, this won't last forever." I told her, "Mom said the same thing." She replied, "Yes, she did. And God gave me many more years than she had." With last Sunday being Mother's Day, it brought so much comfort to know Grandma was now with the daughter she hadn't seen in almost 17 years. I pray they are in heaven sitting at Jesus' feet.
I also have a feeling she is hanging with some of the disciples...teaching them the right way to fish.
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