I was listening to the song Healing Rain and the lyrics "healing rain is falling down I'm not afraid" and the "not afraid" part really stood out to me. We don't heal, because we are afraid of the hurt. Any type of healing requires us to walk through pain before we can be totally free and healed. In a physical ailment, we all know things get worse before they get better. Let's use the example of a simple cut. We all know that itchy sensation that comes as part of our body's natural healing process. It's painful, it's irritating, and necessary.
The same is true for our emotional healing. We can't expect a band-aid to work when what we need is full blown open-heart surgery. Our band-aids vary. Some of use use alcohol. Some use approval and acceptance of others. For some of us it's our jobs or our careers. They are all just band-aids. We don't open our hurts to the pain of looking at the root problems. What is it that is driving us? Are we more concerned on our career or what we DO? What is it that is defining us?
Answering these questions might require some pain. It takes pain to think back on what happened when we were 5, 15, or 25 that rocked our worlds. It may be an abusive situation. It may be that person who told you one time or a hundred times that you would never amount to anything. We have sat on those words and either have replayed them in our minds as we lay in our drunken stupor thinking "well, they always told me I would never be anything and they were right." Or we may take the opposite path and we work 70 hours a week at the cost of our loved ones, but we can say "I sure proved them wrong because I AM something now!" But are you really?
Finding out who God made you to be can be painful. It most often means be willing to give up OUR plans for His. God uses the most unlikely of people to show His power because the world notices when a hopeless, helpless, lowest of the low person completely changes their life. It is by no power of their own that it is done. I know it's painful to make change. It's painful to forgive the one who hurt you. It's painful to acknowledge where we have failed. But remember, it's only though pain that we can truly begin to heal.
It's raining healing. Leave the umbrella at home and go play in the rain.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
"Missionaries"
Like most people probably did, I grew up with a picture of what a missionary is supposed to be. A missionary is some super-human person who loves Jesus just a little too much. We would always do the Lottie Moon Missionary offering at church and put our change in our little coconuts that we would leave at the altar. To me, a missionary was someone "out there." A missionary was almost like a mythical creature to me. I don't think I ever personally knew one growing up. I think I even had this picture of a missionary as someone just a bit too radical and extreme to be in a "real" church.
Last night, I had the extreme honor and privilege to have fellowship with two missionary couples. One are from Kenya and the other from Thailand. The differences in these two couples are unbelievable, yet their similarities are amazing. One has been given the gift of preaching and teaching. He can speak to a group of 20 or a stadium of tens of thousands (and he has!). The other readily admits he can't quote scripture, he is not an eloquent speaker, but he can hold, and touch, and love those that nobody else has ever held, touched or loved before. One has attended bible college, one has attended the school of life and every hard "knock" you could imagine. Yet, both sold or gave away every earthly possession they had to travel to the other side of the world to share the love of Christ. Both heard God's voice and LISTENED.
I read the following in a book this morning: "You guys are all into that born again thing, which is great. We do need to be born again, since Jesus said that to a guy named Nicodemus. But if you tell me I have to be born again to enter the kingdom of God, I can tell you that you have to sell everything you have and give it to the poor, because Jesus said that to a guy too.....But I guess that's why God invented highlighters, so we can highlight the parts we like and ignore the rest."
See, missionaries aren't some strange, mythical group of people. Missionaries are simply TRUE Christ followers. They have read the gospel and seen it for what it truly is. They haven't picked out all the happy, feel good parts of the Bible and left the rest on the cutting room floor. I am so extremely honored to call these people not just friends, but my brothers and sisters. I'm thankful for the opportunity to spend time with them and learn more about how to take those steps of faith.
I love how just when I think I have this whole God thing figure out, he sends people into my life to totally rock my world. I am constantly reminded of how HUGE God is and how there is no way I could ever even BEGIN to comprehend Him! I pray that when I sing "my whole life is yours, I give it all surrendered to your name" that I will truly mean it. I pray for the strength to do all He has laid out for me. Arms open wide to you Lord and all that you want.....just as these amazing couples before me have done.
Last night, I had the extreme honor and privilege to have fellowship with two missionary couples. One are from Kenya and the other from Thailand. The differences in these two couples are unbelievable, yet their similarities are amazing. One has been given the gift of preaching and teaching. He can speak to a group of 20 or a stadium of tens of thousands (and he has!). The other readily admits he can't quote scripture, he is not an eloquent speaker, but he can hold, and touch, and love those that nobody else has ever held, touched or loved before. One has attended bible college, one has attended the school of life and every hard "knock" you could imagine. Yet, both sold or gave away every earthly possession they had to travel to the other side of the world to share the love of Christ. Both heard God's voice and LISTENED.
I read the following in a book this morning: "You guys are all into that born again thing, which is great. We do need to be born again, since Jesus said that to a guy named Nicodemus. But if you tell me I have to be born again to enter the kingdom of God, I can tell you that you have to sell everything you have and give it to the poor, because Jesus said that to a guy too.....But I guess that's why God invented highlighters, so we can highlight the parts we like and ignore the rest."
See, missionaries aren't some strange, mythical group of people. Missionaries are simply TRUE Christ followers. They have read the gospel and seen it for what it truly is. They haven't picked out all the happy, feel good parts of the Bible and left the rest on the cutting room floor. I am so extremely honored to call these people not just friends, but my brothers and sisters. I'm thankful for the opportunity to spend time with them and learn more about how to take those steps of faith.
I love how just when I think I have this whole God thing figure out, he sends people into my life to totally rock my world. I am constantly reminded of how HUGE God is and how there is no way I could ever even BEGIN to comprehend Him! I pray that when I sing "my whole life is yours, I give it all surrendered to your name" that I will truly mean it. I pray for the strength to do all He has laid out for me. Arms open wide to you Lord and all that you want.....just as these amazing couples before me have done.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Praying for Life
I went to the local abortion clinic to pray as part of the Spring 40 Days for Life event. I wanted to share with you a little about my experience today.
Today was my first time out during this campaign. As I turned onto Latrobe, my heart was immediately heavy. I look at my 4 year old daughter who was with me and was overwhelmed with thankfulness that I chose life for her. I had only known her "dad" two weeks when I became pregnant. I was already a single mother and knew all that was involved with having another child. However, because of the culture of life I was a part of, I KNEW abortion was not an option. Standing on that sidewalk today and watching as about every 10 minutes another woman showed up to end an innocent life, my heart was breaking. We may not always understand God's plans, but that is okay. We don't know why He chooses us to carry the precious life inside of us, yet He knows why. So many women abort because a baby doesn't fit into her plans, but God's plans are so much greater than anything we could ever imagine or dream.
As the "supporters" of these women gathered outside and began talking to each other I found it interesting how abortion either unites or divides us. These people from various walks of life were on the steps of the clinic conversing. Most likely it was about us praying for them and the women and babies inside. They don't want to hear us or talk to us because then they have to face what they already know to be truth. A life is at stake. A blessing is being turned away. A baby is dying.
I am still grieving over each life lost today. Even more I am grieving for the mother. Just because the baby dies, it doesn't make them any less of a mother. She is still a mom. She will always be a mom. She is just rejecting all the blessings God had planned for that little life and her own. I pray for the Holy Spirit to manifest in ways she never imagines around her. Even now I am praying for the women currently there. The one who is being convicted and really isn't sure of her decision. I pray she knows how much Christ loves her and He will NEVER leave her alone. Not even on an abortion table.
Today was my first time out during this campaign. As I turned onto Latrobe, my heart was immediately heavy. I look at my 4 year old daughter who was with me and was overwhelmed with thankfulness that I chose life for her. I had only known her "dad" two weeks when I became pregnant. I was already a single mother and knew all that was involved with having another child. However, because of the culture of life I was a part of, I KNEW abortion was not an option. Standing on that sidewalk today and watching as about every 10 minutes another woman showed up to end an innocent life, my heart was breaking. We may not always understand God's plans, but that is okay. We don't know why He chooses us to carry the precious life inside of us, yet He knows why. So many women abort because a baby doesn't fit into her plans, but God's plans are so much greater than anything we could ever imagine or dream.
As the "supporters" of these women gathered outside and began talking to each other I found it interesting how abortion either unites or divides us. These people from various walks of life were on the steps of the clinic conversing. Most likely it was about us praying for them and the women and babies inside. They don't want to hear us or talk to us because then they have to face what they already know to be truth. A life is at stake. A blessing is being turned away. A baby is dying.
I am still grieving over each life lost today. Even more I am grieving for the mother. Just because the baby dies, it doesn't make them any less of a mother. She is still a mom. She will always be a mom. She is just rejecting all the blessings God had planned for that little life and her own. I pray for the Holy Spirit to manifest in ways she never imagines around her. Even now I am praying for the women currently there. The one who is being convicted and really isn't sure of her decision. I pray she knows how much Christ loves her and He will NEVER leave her alone. Not even on an abortion table.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Persecution
I read an article today about the church in Laos and how they are being driven from their homes and villages unless they renounce their faith in Christ. Their animals (income) are being taken away. They are forced to leave with only what they can carry. As I think about this, I can't help but compare it to our Christianity in America.
In America, our Christianity is convenient. If we have any belief in Christ, we consider ourselves to be Christian. Even when nothing about our life reflects or "walks out" the commandments of Christ, we still consider ourselves Christian. We are "good people" so that ought to be enough, right? It doesn't matter if I'm trying to sleep with every girl or guy I date, God knows my heart, right? Yeah, I watch things on t.v. that mock God (i.e. Family Guy), but it's all in good fun. So what if I drink a little too much every now and then or smoke a little weed. God made it, so it's all good! I haven't been to church in years, but I still believe in Jesus. He knows I love him. He's my homeboy! Maybe these jeans are a little tight and this shirt dips just a bit too low, but they accentuate my figure and make me look HOT! It's not my fault if the married guy at the office looks just a little bit too long. If you've got it, flaunt it!
I mentioned all the above scenarios because I used to be all of them. I thought sex equalled love and didn't really care if the person receiving my affection was only using me. I lived with my boyfriend and even though deep inside I knew it was wrong, I didn't care. It is what people these days do and it's normal. ("Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's. Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband." 1 Corinthians 6:18-20)
I laughed hard at episodes of Family Guy even when their Jesus character made a mockery of Christ. (For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies These are the things which defile a man: but to eat with unwashen hands defileth not a man." Matthew 15:19-20)
My weekends consisted of going out at least one night of the weekend and drinking (Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging: and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise. Proverbs 20:1) until I was "feeling good." My friends smoked weed so why not try that too?
Even though I had once been actively involved in my local church, I had stopped going for years. I still believed in Christ and knew all that He had done for me, but I didn't want to give up all the "fun" I was having. I use the word "fun" here very loosely because deep inside I was miserable. There was no joy in my life. Only an endless pursuit of the things I thought would bring me happiness. ("Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:25)
I dressed the way the world told me was cool. If you are going out to the club, you have to show as much skin as possible. If you dress modestly, you are an "old maid" and who wants to be seen that way? ("As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion." Proverbs 11:22)
You see, in my "christianity" I was still living worldly. There was nothing in my life that reflected the true love and sacrifice of Christ. One day I had a wake up and realized the path I was on was miserable. I figured, why not just TRY giving myself 100% to Christ. I'll give it an honest run and see what happens. Trust me, when you make this decision, satan WILL attack you. It's never a question of IF, but WHEN.
A big influence in my life has always been music. Satan is very aware of this. Recently he used music to get back into my life. Before I realized it, I was making some of the wrong choices that had caused me so much heartache and pain in years prior. God revealed to me what was happening and I had to earnestly repent of my choices. Repentance doesn't mean a simple, oh God, I'm sorry.....until next time. Sorry means you regret your actions and you don't do them again. Repentance is apologizing for breaking God's heart and turning away from the things that grieve Him. I had to move away from the influences that had caused me to stumble. The only music I have allowed myself to listen to recently are all Christian artists. I have had to make changes to what I watch on television and cast out the idols I had allowed to be raised up in my home. I am the guardian of my children's hearts and it is up to me what I allow them to watch and hear. If these things affect me negatively, how much more do they influence their young minds and hearts? There is no double standard in my home any longer. If I would not let my children watch or listen to something, I do not allow myself to do so either.
All of this is to say, what would I do if told to leave my home or renounce Christ? Several years ago my choices would have been to stay home. Because I now see the joy and peace and eternal life that ONLY Christ can bring, I would gladly sacrifice all that I have to follow Him. Someday this may mean following His call into a foreign land to share the hope and grace of all He has done for us. It may mean leaving behing friends and family to be obedient to Christ. After all, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world "(James 1:27). God, please plant in me the heart, desire and ability to walk out your TRUE RELIGION.
In America, our Christianity is convenient. If we have any belief in Christ, we consider ourselves to be Christian. Even when nothing about our life reflects or "walks out" the commandments of Christ, we still consider ourselves Christian. We are "good people" so that ought to be enough, right? It doesn't matter if I'm trying to sleep with every girl or guy I date, God knows my heart, right? Yeah, I watch things on t.v. that mock God (i.e. Family Guy), but it's all in good fun. So what if I drink a little too much every now and then or smoke a little weed. God made it, so it's all good! I haven't been to church in years, but I still believe in Jesus. He knows I love him. He's my homeboy! Maybe these jeans are a little tight and this shirt dips just a bit too low, but they accentuate my figure and make me look HOT! It's not my fault if the married guy at the office looks just a little bit too long. If you've got it, flaunt it!
I mentioned all the above scenarios because I used to be all of them. I thought sex equalled love and didn't really care if the person receiving my affection was only using me. I lived with my boyfriend and even though deep inside I knew it was wrong, I didn't care. It is what people these days do and it's normal. ("Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's. Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband." 1 Corinthians 6:18-20)
I laughed hard at episodes of Family Guy even when their Jesus character made a mockery of Christ. (For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies These are the things which defile a man: but to eat with unwashen hands defileth not a man." Matthew 15:19-20)
My weekends consisted of going out at least one night of the weekend and drinking (Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging: and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise. Proverbs 20:1) until I was "feeling good." My friends smoked weed so why not try that too?
Even though I had once been actively involved in my local church, I had stopped going for years. I still believed in Christ and knew all that He had done for me, but I didn't want to give up all the "fun" I was having. I use the word "fun" here very loosely because deep inside I was miserable. There was no joy in my life. Only an endless pursuit of the things I thought would bring me happiness. ("Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:25)
I dressed the way the world told me was cool. If you are going out to the club, you have to show as much skin as possible. If you dress modestly, you are an "old maid" and who wants to be seen that way? ("As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion." Proverbs 11:22)
You see, in my "christianity" I was still living worldly. There was nothing in my life that reflected the true love and sacrifice of Christ. One day I had a wake up and realized the path I was on was miserable. I figured, why not just TRY giving myself 100% to Christ. I'll give it an honest run and see what happens. Trust me, when you make this decision, satan WILL attack you. It's never a question of IF, but WHEN.
A big influence in my life has always been music. Satan is very aware of this. Recently he used music to get back into my life. Before I realized it, I was making some of the wrong choices that had caused me so much heartache and pain in years prior. God revealed to me what was happening and I had to earnestly repent of my choices. Repentance doesn't mean a simple, oh God, I'm sorry.....until next time. Sorry means you regret your actions and you don't do them again. Repentance is apologizing for breaking God's heart and turning away from the things that grieve Him. I had to move away from the influences that had caused me to stumble. The only music I have allowed myself to listen to recently are all Christian artists. I have had to make changes to what I watch on television and cast out the idols I had allowed to be raised up in my home. I am the guardian of my children's hearts and it is up to me what I allow them to watch and hear. If these things affect me negatively, how much more do they influence their young minds and hearts? There is no double standard in my home any longer. If I would not let my children watch or listen to something, I do not allow myself to do so either.
All of this is to say, what would I do if told to leave my home or renounce Christ? Several years ago my choices would have been to stay home. Because I now see the joy and peace and eternal life that ONLY Christ can bring, I would gladly sacrifice all that I have to follow Him. Someday this may mean following His call into a foreign land to share the hope and grace of all He has done for us. It may mean leaving behing friends and family to be obedient to Christ. After all, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world "(James 1:27). God, please plant in me the heart, desire and ability to walk out your TRUE RELIGION.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Gluttony
POT LUCK!!!! So we had a potluck at work today. Why is it that when you are around a potluck, you tend to eat WAY more than you normally ever would at any other time? You may also find yourself eating things you never would. It was a football themed potluck so of course we had chicken wings and your over-abundance of chips and dip. There was also the one required "mystery" dish. You know the one. The one everyone looks at and says WHAT THE HECK IS THAT? Bless the heart of whomever actually brought the dish. You just hope they aren't standing the room when someone says....WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?
You also always have the coworkers that refuse to participate because they don't "do" potlucks. Since they don't know what everybody's kitchen looks like or what kind of "critters" they may have running around, they don't want to take any chances. I find this HILAROUS! These are the same people I see going out every day for lunch at restaurants around town. Have they inspected THEIR kitchens? My guess is that in most cases, someone's home kitchen is probably cleaner and "critter-free."
I think of people all over the world that have no choice but to find their meals from trash. One of the places we are visiting in Kenya in August is the landfill. This is a place where the trash is dumped and people live ON the landfill. I'm not talking about next to the landfill. Not across the street. ON the landfill. How blessed we are here in America that we can be picky about where our food comes from and what we eat. We often go out and in one meal for our family spend more money than most of the world sees in a whole MONTH. $30 for us is a MONTH of income for the majority of the world. Seriously! Stop and think about that. If you gave up going out ONE night of the month with your family of four, you could donate that same $30 and perhaps save a life. The reality is, it isn't even a "perhaps" scenario. It's a definite.
I'm feeling a bit guilty about all the food I have consumed today. Lord, thank you for the blessings and abundance of your provision in my life. Please forgive me for every time I have taken your provisions for granted.
You also always have the coworkers that refuse to participate because they don't "do" potlucks. Since they don't know what everybody's kitchen looks like or what kind of "critters" they may have running around, they don't want to take any chances. I find this HILAROUS! These are the same people I see going out every day for lunch at restaurants around town. Have they inspected THEIR kitchens? My guess is that in most cases, someone's home kitchen is probably cleaner and "critter-free."
I think of people all over the world that have no choice but to find their meals from trash. One of the places we are visiting in Kenya in August is the landfill. This is a place where the trash is dumped and people live ON the landfill. I'm not talking about next to the landfill. Not across the street. ON the landfill. How blessed we are here in America that we can be picky about where our food comes from and what we eat. We often go out and in one meal for our family spend more money than most of the world sees in a whole MONTH. $30 for us is a MONTH of income for the majority of the world. Seriously! Stop and think about that. If you gave up going out ONE night of the month with your family of four, you could donate that same $30 and perhaps save a life. The reality is, it isn't even a "perhaps" scenario. It's a definite.
I'm feeling a bit guilty about all the food I have consumed today. Lord, thank you for the blessings and abundance of your provision in my life. Please forgive me for every time I have taken your provisions for granted.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Is This Thing On
There is so much going on in my life right now, I figured...WHY NOT ADD A BLOG!?!?! As if I don't currently have enough going on. Single mom of 2, life group leader, tech team member, big bank employee, planning vacation to Disney next month, planning group missions trip to Kenya in August, and what else.....oh yeah...dishwasher extraordinaire!
I don't really know where this blog will take me. I don't know what my "purpose" is in even starting one, but what I do know is that I will try to keep it current. Yeah, tell that to my last journal entry dated July 2008. Oh well. Maybe since I spend all day on the computer anyway, this blogging thing will come a bit easier for me.
Cool. Now time to get back to my beloved bejeweled blitz.
I don't really know where this blog will take me. I don't know what my "purpose" is in even starting one, but what I do know is that I will try to keep it current. Yeah, tell that to my last journal entry dated July 2008. Oh well. Maybe since I spend all day on the computer anyway, this blogging thing will come a bit easier for me.
Cool. Now time to get back to my beloved bejeweled blitz.
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