Disowned

There have been some things occurring in my life over the past few weeks that I have not shared with too many people. I think I've remained quiet about it because I'm still trying to process it all in my own mind. Yet, I'm struggling to make sense of it all. I have done a lot of wrong things in my life. There were things I have said and done that would warrant family disowning me. I will be the first to admit this is true. However, recently I have had family delete me from Facebook and in essence "delete" me from their lives. All because of not anything I have done, but for keeping a relationship with other family members they feel have hurt them. And there has been hurt. There have been wrongs committed. However, who among us has never sinned or caused emotional hurt to another at some point?

The greatest command in the Bible is to love God and then to love others. We are commanded to forgive or we will not be forgiven ourselves. This is not left open to interpretation. It is quite clear. Whether we want to admit it or not, we must forgive if we expect to be forgiven by God. It is easy to want to justify our anger and our society even supports our right to be vengeful. However, the manifestation of Christ's love in us is radical forgiveness. It's forgiving the unforgivable. It is only through the power of Christ that we will see this played out in our lives. If we claim to know Him, yet are unable to show love during the trying times in our relationships, then we may not know Him as much as we think we do. The fruit of a relationship with Christ is seen the greatest in times when we would be earthly justified in turning our back on a loved one. In actuality, if it is that easy to remove someone from your life, then perhaps true, Christ-like love was never had for them at all. Was it a relationship of obligation? Was it a relationship because of what they could do for you?  Did you never really like them in the first place? These are all questions I've asked myself lately as I'm processing my "removal" from the lives of those I care about.

What God has and is revealing to me through this is that it is not about me at all. It's about the hurt in their lives. The anger and bitterness has built up inside of them so much that it not only spills onto the one they are angry towards, but it covers anyone associated with that person. Even those who are simply trying to do what God has commanded...show love and forgiveness. My heart breaks as I think of the family that has been removed as a result of one person's hurt. Nieces and nephews, in-laws, and even the in-laws family. My daughters have lost cousins because of this. One of the offenses that led to this situation happened over 30 years ago! That is a tremendous amount of time to live out of your hurt. The spirit of unforgiveness is an evil being. It traps us in the event that took place. Instead of being able to see all that has happened since the hurt, we live in that moment. We replay it in our minds so much that it's as if the event happened yesterday.

I know this is true because I lived there myself for a long time. It has only been during the last six months or so that God has begun to show me all the GOOD things that occurred around the same time as the major wound I experienced. He showed me I had a choice to make. I could either continue to live my life out of the wound, or I could let the wound heal and live out of the victory. I could throw away a lifetime relationship over one major offense (please know I'm not trying to downplay the severity of what happened), or forgive and value the remaining time I have with the person who caused the offense. This is a choice each of us have to make when hurt comes into our lives. Especially when it involves a family member. Oftentimes, our offense is not even because of what was done to us, but what was done to another loved one. We pick up pain that does not even belong to us. We want to vindicate and defend the one we perceive as being the one "wronged." This is a precarious place to stand. When we choose sides, we never know the full story. While the sins of one may be the one in the spotlight, we neglect to see all the skeletons piled in the closest of the other party.

Is there someone you have turned your back on that could really use a shoulder right now? Is there a family member or friend going through a difficult time that needs your support and encouragement? I will be the first to tell you, it could get messy. When the woman caught in adultery was brought to Jesus, they were ready to make it an ugly, bloody scene. Even here, only one guilty party was persecuted. Where was the man? Was it only adultery because she was married, not him? Oh, to know what Jesus wrote on the ground with his finger as the Pharisees were pressuring Him for a response! In His infinite wisdom, perhaps He began to list each of their sins. Maybe he was writing the names of each of them who had themselves been adulterous. I've found we often persecute those whose sin most resembles our own. After His response, He returned to writing on the ground. The older ones turned away first so maybe Jesus was listing all their transgressions. What if instead of always pointing our fingers at others, we began with examining our own sin. The reality is that in the process of turning out back on anyone in need, we are turning our back on Christ.

If you are the one feeling persecuted and condemned, remember Christ's words to this woman:

"Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.” John 8:11

There is no condemnation in Jesus Christ. If you do not have a relationship with Him, you can start right now. It's about more than simply saying a prayer asking for His forgiveness. Ask His to reveal Himself to you. Ask Him for a physical manifestation of His love for you. Ask Him to heal your wounds. It's about what is in your heart. He loves you more than you can imagine and has a plan for your life that is greater than your hurts. The forgiveness you think could never be possible, is a reality in Him. Trust Him.