Psalm 39

As I read Psalm 39 today, there are two topics speaking to me. The first is a reminder of the power of our tongue. It is not so much a reminder of the power of our words, but in having wisdom of when to not speak and when to speak. A sure sign of maturity is the level of "opinion" someone gives. We all know people who voice their opinion on everything and they do not care who hears, who knows, or who is even listening. The Psalmist writes in this chapter of restraining his tongue, even with a muzzle. I find this verse very assuring! The author is acknowledging the strength sometimes needed to refrain from saying words that are better left unsaid!

The next verses are an admonition of the penalty for NOT speaking when God is prompting us to speak.  Many of my regrets in conversations are not the words I said, but more the words I know I should have said, yet did not. The Psalmist writes here of the sorrow he felt after refraining from speaking good. Have you ever had a situation you walked away from and felt sad for not obeying God's spirit in the conversation? It could be with a friend, family member, or a stranger in the grocery store. There are times God has prompted me to give a word of encouragement to a stranger and because of my own insecurities regarding what they would think of me, I was not obedient. I have to admit I left the situation very sorrowful!

"I said, “I will guard my ways, Lest I sin with my tongue; I will restrain my mouth with a muzzle, While the wicked are before me.” I was mute with silence, I held my peace even from good;  And my sorrow was stirred up. My heart was hot within me; While I was musing, the fire burned. Then I spoke with my tongue: .  "  Psalm 39:1-3

The second topic speaking to me in this chapter is that of realizing the temporariness of our time here on earth. The words the Psalmists does speak are words to God of being reminded to acknowledge our time here. Death is something of a taboo subject. It's not exactly a happy subject for most people. However, our time here on earth when compared to eternity is so extremely temporary! The reality is each one of us have eternal life. The question each of us must answer is where will we spend that time? However, we also need to recognize our salvation through Christ is not only a "get out of hell" card. Salvation through Christ begins in this life. It starts here and now. The day you accept Christ as your savior is the day your eternal life in heaven begins. Christ wants to not only give you heavenly residence, He wants your life healed and restored here on earth also.

The Psalmist writes "And now, Lord, what do I wait for? My hope is in You" in verse 7. (Sidenote: I'm fighting the urge to include another Third Day song here!) These two topics come together when viewing how our words will echo for eternity. Do our words give hope, encouragement, and help guide others to know the love of Jesus? Or do our words demean, destroy, and do more to turn people away from Christ than guide others to Him?  Everything we do has some kind of consequence. The consequences are often never seen by us in our flesh. However, I believe in heaven we will be shown some of those "ripples" from an action or conversation we had, or did not have, while here on earth.

My prayer for each of you today is to recognize opportunities, as they are presented, to make a difference in someone's life. If you do not have a personal relationship with Jesus, I pray today is the day you accept His love and the hope only He can provide. If you have accepted His forgiveness, but are not walking as if you were free, I pray today is the day you begin experiencing His freedom. I'm praying for you!

Psalm 36

I absolutely love the way the writer begins chapter 36 of Psalms. "An oracle within my heart...." is the way the author chooses to begin sharing his heart. As he is contemplating the wicked people; he is seeing their irreverence for God and lack of fear. We all have some kind of fruit for our actions. We are most familiar with the fruits of the spirit, but what are the fruits of turning away from God. In this chapter we read disrespect for God leads to pride, wicked words, deceitfulness, lack of wisdom, and evil actions.

" An oracle within my heart concerning the transgression of the wicked: There is no fear of God before his eyes.  For he flatters himself in his own eyes, When he finds out his iniquity and when he hates.  The words of his mouth are wickedness and deceit; He has ceased to be wise and to do good.  He devises wickedness on his bed; He sets himself in a way that is not good; He does not abhor evil."  Psalms 36:1-4


I find it interesting the Psalmist moves from describing the wicked straight into God's mercy. As much as we love God's mercy for ourselves, it is sometimes difficult to see God's mercy extended to those who have hurt us or we view as wicked. God's faithfulness stands not only for us, but for anyone who calls on His name and repents of their sins. There is also nothing that can compare to his righteousness and His justice. He is our avenger and we do not need to attempt to do His job while we are here on earth. Our society is all about "justice" and what is "right" or "fair." As I think of how God's love works, it hardly seems fair at time. Then again, it seems unfair to me after all I have done in my life that He still loves me the way He does. Not only does He love me now, but He always loved me. From the creation of the earth to infinity, He loves me.

"Your mercy, O LORD, is in the heavens; Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.  Your righteousness is like the great mountains; Your judgments are a great deep; O LORD, You preserve man and beast.  How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings. They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house, And You give them drink from the river of Your pleasures.  For with You is the fountain of life; In Your light we see light." Psalms 36:5-9

We can not only trust Him, we can trust in His shadow. That is how strong the love and faithfulness of God is to us! When we place our trust in Him and all He has to offer us, we find ourselves abundantly satisfied. I look around at the state of our world and so many people spend their entire lives chasing after an illusion of satisfaction. True satisfaction can ONLY be found within the love of Christ. Just as was spoken to the woman at the well, when we drink from the water of Christ, we will never thirst again!

The Psalmist ends with a plea for God to not end His love and to honor those who are upright in their ways. His request for protection from pride resonates with me. This is one area we, as humans, can find ourselves easily ensnared. This is an area God has been pointing out to me in my own life over the last few months. As soon as my pride says I would never do ________, is when I find opportunity arises for me to do the exact thing I say I would never do! We can also believe we have conquered an area of weakness, but easily forget it is only through the help of Christ and by staying in the Word that we are able to walk a straight(er) path. I say straight(er) because I'm not sure mine has been all that straight! Just as the Psalmist, my plea to God is to never let the hand of the wicked drive me away from God. I pray for His protection from evil and from falling to iniquity. I have found as long as I stay under His shadow, everything works out for the best!

"Oh, continue Your lovingkindness to those who know You, And Your righteousness to the upright in heart.  Let not the foot of pride come against me, And let not the hand of the wicked drive me away.  There the workers of iniquity have fallen; They have been cast down and are not able to rise." Psalms 36:10-12

Psalms 31

Where do you place your trust? I know the quick and easy answer is to reply your trust is in God. Is this really the truth? It is so easy to think our trust is fully in God, but yet we watch the stock market daily, follow the actions of our government with critiquing eyes and activism, or place our trust in our boyfriend, spouse, parents, or other family members. I know in my own life something has happened and I've been disappointed and betrayed and one of my first thoughts is "but I trusted you." There is a big difference in trusting someone and trusting IN someone. Only God is worthy of our trust. Only God can save and rescue us from entrapment. Not our government. Not our money. Not a person.

"In You, O LORD, I put my trust; Let me never be ashamed; Deliver me in Your righteousness. Bow down Your ear to me, Deliver me speedily; Be my rock of refuge, A fortress of defense to save me" Psalms 31:1-2

As I read further through this chapter, I see similarities in my life and David's. Yes, I know it is a big step to compare my life to someone as great as David, but in reality, he was just as human as each one of us. It is easy to read the bible and all the amazing stories of the great things the men and women in these stories did and find ourselves in awe. Yet, we have been created for just as great things as each person written about in scripture. The beauty of the Psalms is reading not simply of the acts of an individual, but gaining an insight into the thoughts and emotions of David and others. It is like reading a newspaper article and then having access to the hero or heroine's journal or blog to get the emotional side of the story.

In Psalms 31, David sees his enemies trying to trap him. I see this in my own life. I have seen a glimpse of the vision God has for my life. Satan has seen this also and he is not willing to give up easily. Our enemy knows our weaknesses and sets traps to ensnare us. He knows if he can distract us from the ministry or mission God has given us, then we will not be able to fulfill our potential in Christ.

"Pull me out of the net which they have secretly laid for me, For You are my strength. Into Your hand I commit my spirit; You have redeemed me, O LORD God of truth." Psalms 31:4-5

This is again where we must examine our trust. If we trust in things or people, it becomes easy for the enemy to entrap us. If our trust is in money, he will use money to control us. Mammon is an idol and can easily trap us if we place our trust in it rather than trusting God as our provider. When we pursue God's call and plan for us, He will always make provision. If a relationship is where we put our trust, the enemy will bring unhealthy relationships into our path to pull us away from our relationship with Christ.

Trusting fully in God is something I have to be vigilant about pursuing. In this world, it is easy to become distracted by false idols. We are surrounded by them! However, the reward for trusting only in God is so far beyond anything this world has to offer! Trusting Him brings us peace and contentment. It is a peace and contentment nothing in this world can offer!

"Oh, how great is Your goodness, Which You have laid up for those who fear You, Which You have prepared for those who trust in You In the presence of the sons of men! You shall hide them in the secret place of Your presence From the plots of man; You shall keep them secretly in a pavilion from the strife of tongues." Psalms 31:19-20

Psalm 27

My reading today in Psalm 27 contains a much quoted verse of scripture in the first verse. "The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear?" is a verse I've heard used many times by numerous authors and pastors. As I've read through the rest of this chapter, I've seen there is so much more to this chapter than just the first verse. The verse that grabbed my attention and I read several times is verse 4.


"One thing I have desired of the LORD, That will I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to inquire in His temple."

David writes here of his one desire. The only desire he has is to dwell in the house of God all the days of his life. He longs to see the beauty of the Lord and to spend time with him. As we continue reading this chapter, we see the results of seeking God above all else in our life. When we are in trouble, God will protect us when we are seeking Him. He sets us in high places of protection. When in battle, the higher ground always has the advantage. You are able to see the enemy approaching from miles away and are able to prepare for battle. The same occurs for us when we are spending time with God and seeking Him above all else. He opens our eyes to see when the enemy is approaching and He prepares us for spiritual battle.

Seeking God above all else allows us to stand tall in the face of our enemies. It is easy to read this and immediately picture the face of someone you consider your enemy. However, we only have one true enemy. A person is never our enemy. Flesh is not our enemy. The lies of satan is our enemy. Satan is who deceives people with his lies and they in turn behave in ways not intended for them by God. They make choices that are ungodly, and in turn can cause us pain and hurt. When we are actively seeking God, we are able to recognize when satan is at work and God helps us to hold our heads high even when people have harmed us. Though the pain of hurt, our closeness to God allows us to continue to praise Him. We not only offer our sacrifice of praise, but we can do so with joy!

When God instructed God to seek His face, David replied not only with his head or his words, but with his heart. It was not out of knowledge that he sought after God, but with all of his heart. He pleaded for God to never forsake him or turn away from him. Even if his parents forsake him, he knows he can survive it all as long as God is still with him. Our world is full of hurting people because so many of us have idols in our lives. An idol is so much more than a statue we offer prayers to. An idol is ANYTHING that is placed in higher position in our lives over God. This can be our children, husband, friends, jobs, money, sports teams, or even our position with our churches. If we are serving in order to simply maintain a title or position of respect within the church, this can become an idol. Are you serving simply to be seen or respected or are you serving out of your love for God. Do you serve only where it's convenient (i.e. short amount of time commitment required) or are you serving where God is calling you? (I feel like I've digressed greatly here, but perhaps there is someone who needed to hear this).

In verse 13, David writes he would have lost heart had he not believed in the goodness of God. He believed in God's goodness because God was all he was seeking. No matter what happened to David, he could praise God because he knew God was his strength. The God of David is the same God who wants a relationship with you. The same strength given to David can be given to you. The same joy of David can invade and take over your heart. The first step is to seek Him. I pray you take time this weekend to seek God. Turn off the television. Drown out the chaos around you, and seek Him. No matter where you currently are in your walk, you can seek Him. If you've never accepted Christ as your Savior, today would be a great day. If you've accepted Him in your life before, but have strayed, it's a great day to come home. If satan has been telling you it's not possible to spend time with God after all you've done, today is the day to stop believing that lie. God loves you no matter what and He's waiting for you to seek Him....above all else.

That Just Happened

In my life I've been physically, sexually, verbally, and emotionally abused. I've experienced parental divorce. I lived with mom's alcoholic boyfriend and had visits with dad and the "other" woman who later became my step-mom. I've dated men who committed crimes. One even murdered a man during the time we were dating. While at a boyfriends house once I found his work badge and discovered he had been lying to me for six months about what his real name was. There are times I've discovered I was the other woman and times when I came home and found another woman in my house. There is no name, insult, or accusation you could make to me that I have not already heard at some point in my life. Both my children were born without their fathers present. Both men chose not to be there at the time and one has not been seen in five years. My mom died at 54, only 3 months after my first daughter was born. A period of 6 years passed without communicating with my dad. After only two years of working to reconcile with him and my stepmom, my stepmom now has stage 4 liver cancer and I face losing a mom for the second time in 12 years.

By this point you are probably wondering why I am writing about all of these horrible events in my life. I list these things only to say very little in life surprises me anymore. When you have been through everything I have in a relatively short amount of time, you grow to expect the unexpected. You know people are capable of extreme hurt and betrayal. However, something happened to me today that has left me grasping for comprehension.

Near the beginning of this year I began dating someone who I have known for many years. Things were going great, or so I thought. We were spending quality time together, going on dates, and beginning to talk about having a future together. As recently as three weeks ago he was telling me how much he loved me. Yet, I noticed he was pulling away. He explained it was because of various stress factors in his life and that he simply needed to take some time away to regroup. He assured me he still loved me and his feelings had not changed. He simply wanted to resolve his issues before fully committing to me. This was two weeks ago. Today I found out he is now married. He married his daughters mother last week. It does not take a rocket scientist to do the math on this one.

I have been struggling for the last few hours to find the appropriate words to express how I feel about this turn of events. First, I am thankful that God delivered me from a relationship that would have been full of drama. Next, in all honesty, I thought I was going to physically be sick. Yes, literally. The level of disgust I feel is beyond belief. At some point I started laughing. Laughing as I think...wow, I just dodged THAT nightmare of a future! My next thought was "wow, God you must have someone absolutely, unbelievably amazing for me because I have seen mediocre and known it would not have been nearly good enough for me."

I know that in time the shock will fade. It has already begun a little as I look at the situation from the outside and feel sadness for all parties involved. Marriage is a serious thing and should only happen when God joins both parties together and when wise counsel has been sought after on the matter. I wish neither person ill will and pray God will bless their future together.

All of this simply leaves me saying...wow. That. Just. Happened.

Ready To Play Ball

I feel like it has been a while since I've truly written about what has been on my heart. I go through seasons of writing frequently and then a dry spell of not writing anything at all. But like a sickness that never leaves, the thoughts, emotions, and feelings eventually are too much to be contained. The urge to release the scrambled chaos within my brain is too strong to avoid any longer.

Most recently I've been processing my thoughts and feeling towards relationships. More specifically I've been wondering if it is feasible to maintain hope that "the one" is out there somewhere looking for me. I am intentional in stating "looking for me" because I know the scripture says "he who FINDS a wife". I know the order in which the search is supposed to occur. What I have found in my experience with the male species, is most of them expect a female to chase them. Wait. What? Yes. Maybe it has simply been due to my keen sense of attracting men who are not looking for a serious relationship. Or the ones that have a serious relationship and want to talk to me on the side.

I want to clarify I am not trying to bash men in any way here. I am simply sharing the things recently weighing on my mind. I do realize perhaps the lack of any male friendships or interactions has been God's way of protecting me from harmful relationships. For His protection I am truly thankful!

I'll be really honest. I'm fully aware of the picture seen when looking through the window into my life. Being a 30 something, single mom of two narrows down the relationship options tremendously. Especially when you add the 'devoted follower of Christ who is not willing to compromise myself just to have a date' tag to my description. Most of the "good" single Christian men are still in their 20's and definitely not interested in an older woman with bonus blessings in tow. Or maybe I just need to find another church.

To further raise the stakes in my dating scenario, I know God has a big call on my life. Despite, or perhaps because of, the testimony I have lived, the sins I have committed, the lessons I have learned, I know God wants me to be vocal about my past. This includes sharing my testimony in public. Very little of my past reads like a top ten list of qualities in a Godly wife you can be proud to bring home to mama. However, without my past I would not be who I am today. Without the lessons learned the hard way, oftentimes only passing on a retest, I would not have the first-hand knowledge of the God I serve. I would not be able to assure you of His transforming power if I had never lived it myself.

Through all my years of singleness, I have learned what it means to fully rely only on God to be my provider and my husband. I have been able to go through the healing process I so desperately needed. It is called a process because I experience days where the scars become more visible and the area around the wound tender.

So where does this leave me on the relationship playing field? Do you remember playing baseball when you were younger and there was always the kid hanging out the entire game in right field just waiting for a chance to get in on the activity? Occasionally some action happens out there.....a piece of trash blows across the field or a butterfly floats by. The butterfly looks pretty, but is not there to stay. The trash is what was discarded by someone else and has no use being on the field. This is how I feel. I'm at attention, glove ready, on my toes, just waiting for the ball to be hit into my side of the field. When it does, I will be ready and it will be beautiful.