That Just Happened

In my life I've been physically, sexually, verbally, and emotionally abused. I've experienced parental divorce. I lived with mom's alcoholic boyfriend and had visits with dad and the "other" woman who later became my step-mom. I've dated men who committed crimes. One even murdered a man during the time we were dating. While at a boyfriends house once I found his work badge and discovered he had been lying to me for six months about what his real name was. There are times I've discovered I was the other woman and times when I came home and found another woman in my house. There is no name, insult, or accusation you could make to me that I have not already heard at some point in my life. Both my children were born without their fathers present. Both men chose not to be there at the time and one has not been seen in five years. My mom died at 54, only 3 months after my first daughter was born. A period of 6 years passed without communicating with my dad. After only two years of working to reconcile with him and my stepmom, my stepmom now has stage 4 liver cancer and I face losing a mom for the second time in 12 years.

By this point you are probably wondering why I am writing about all of these horrible events in my life. I list these things only to say very little in life surprises me anymore. When you have been through everything I have in a relatively short amount of time, you grow to expect the unexpected. You know people are capable of extreme hurt and betrayal. However, something happened to me today that has left me grasping for comprehension.

Near the beginning of this year I began dating someone who I have known for many years. Things were going great, or so I thought. We were spending quality time together, going on dates, and beginning to talk about having a future together. As recently as three weeks ago he was telling me how much he loved me. Yet, I noticed he was pulling away. He explained it was because of various stress factors in his life and that he simply needed to take some time away to regroup. He assured me he still loved me and his feelings had not changed. He simply wanted to resolve his issues before fully committing to me. This was two weeks ago. Today I found out he is now married. He married his daughters mother last week. It does not take a rocket scientist to do the math on this one.

I have been struggling for the last few hours to find the appropriate words to express how I feel about this turn of events. First, I am thankful that God delivered me from a relationship that would have been full of drama. Next, in all honesty, I thought I was going to physically be sick. Yes, literally. The level of disgust I feel is beyond belief. At some point I started laughing. Laughing as I think...wow, I just dodged THAT nightmare of a future! My next thought was "wow, God you must have someone absolutely, unbelievably amazing for me because I have seen mediocre and known it would not have been nearly good enough for me."

I know that in time the shock will fade. It has already begun a little as I look at the situation from the outside and feel sadness for all parties involved. Marriage is a serious thing and should only happen when God joins both parties together and when wise counsel has been sought after on the matter. I wish neither person ill will and pray God will bless their future together.

All of this simply leaves me saying...wow. That. Just. Happened.