Worship

Have you ever really thought about the word WORSHIP? Most associate worship with a time of singing songs. Worship is SO much more than just songs. I looked up the definition and this is what I found.

Noun:
1. Reverent honor and homage paid to God or a sacred personage, or to any object regarded as sacred.
2. Formal or ceremonious rendering of such honor and homage: They attended worship this morning.
3. Adoring reverence or regard: excessive worship of business success.
4. The object of adoring reverence or regard.

Verb (used with object)

5. To render religious reverence and homage to.
6. To feel an adoring reverence or regard for (any person or thing).

Verb (used without object)
7. To render religious reverence and homage, as to a deity.
8. To attend services of divine worship.
9. To feel an adoring reverence or regard.


Worship can mean many things to different people. When I hear the word I think of it as it relates to the first definition. It relates to Christ and not some “sacred personage”. However, it is easy to see areas in my life where worship relates to work or money. People in a higher “class” are often seen as better or looked at with “reverence or regard”. By definition, this is worship also.

John 4:21-24 says "Jesus declared, "Believe me, woman, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth."

Ouch! Did you notice it doesn’t say “might” worship Him? It says if we worship Him, then we MUST worship in spirit and truth. If I am not worshiping Him, then truth can become distorted. My spirit can go astray from His presence.

This verse also references true worshipers. This implies there are many who worship, but are not true in their intent or in spirit. What kind of worshiper am I? I will admit there are times in my life when the last thing I feel like doing is worshiping. It could be that I don’t even think about worshiping because I just have too much going on. My schedule is too busy. How many times have I gone through my day without noticing all God has provided for me? I don’t even mean my home, clothing, food, family, etc. I’m referring to the song of the birds; the way He paints the sky with just the right amount of blue, pink, and purple; or the breeze across my face as I step outside and He kisses me good morning. The last definition listed says worship is to feel an adoring reverence or regard for. When I notice the things mentioned, I can’t help but worship God. They are all reminders of his presence. It is in these things that my SPIRIT worships.

Beautiful

I've been described as many things in my life, but beautiful has rarely been one of them. I don't remember ever hearing this word from my parents. Maybe they said it, but I don't remember hearing it. I know I definitely never FELT beautiful. I remember being told to change the way I dress or change how I wear my hair. If only I would change ________, I could be pretty too. Every little girl wants to feel like a princess and hear that she is beautiful. If this is not something you hear or feel as you are growing up, you become a woman who seeks to hear this word about you. You seek to gain attention, even when it is not in a positive way.

The reality is our society's definition of beautiful excludes most of the population. It's this idea of beauty that leads to eating disorders, be it not eating or eating too much. This picture of beauty is why billions of dollars have been spent on plastic surgery to change some perceived imperfection in ourselves. While the economy is in a downturn, the cosmetics industry is still making a big profit. According to Bloomberg, in 2010, L'Oreal reported a 25% increase in profits!

As I've matured in age and grown in my walk with Christ, my definition of beauty has changed. Many of the women I consider truly beautiful may not turn every head the minute they walked into a room. As I've come to know these women, it's because of their spirits that I consider them beautiful. It's their brokenness, their honesty, their integrity, their obedience to God's voice, their unwavering faith that make them amazingly beautiful. This is the kind of beauty I seek to have.

As I was listening to music this morning, God spoke to me through this song...



I was singing the lyrics when I heard God speak to me. He said, "stop singing, I want to sing this to you. This is how I feel about YOU." He says "I just want to wait on you. I want to dwell on who you are (how I made you)....beautiful, beautiful I'm lost for more to say. Beautiful, you're beautiful to me. Here in your presence, I am not afraid of brokenness (I was broken for you). To wash your feet with humble tears (because when you need me, I'm here and I cry when you cry)."

The little girl who has so longed to hear she is beautiful no longer has to yearn for those words. She hears them now. She hears them often. She hears them from her Daddy.

Playing Favorites

 The title given to the first part of James 2 in my bible is "The Sin of Favoritism." I think we can all become guilty of this sin. There are people in our society who are easily recognized as being the "cool kids." I wish I could say I have seen this only during my high school years, but I have witnessed it many times in my adult life and also within the church. I have watched as the wealthy were treated differently or ushered to sit in places of honor within church services. I have witnessed others being asked to sit in the back of the service so as not to be a disruption to others. I have seen many times how churches can have cliques made up of different economic statuses. There are always people who are the exceptions to this rule, but for the most part it has been what I have witnessed. There are people who are kept out of certain "circles" because they don't fit the dress code of the group. I am sure this is not the primary reason for the separation, but have you ever noticed how most groups of friends tend to dress alike? What about where they gather outside of church? If we all have Christ in our hearts, then certainly we should have more in common than just our clothing or are choice of hang out spots, right? Should we not find reasons to love all believers and not just those who "fit in?" 

 As I think more on James 2 I realize I have heard many sermons on the second half of the chapter regarding faith without works. It is quite a popular scripture, especially when volunteers are needed. However, I can't recall preaching on the verses on favoritism. Perhaps it is because it is a sin we are all guilty of committing. I am including myself in this statement.  

 "My brethren, do not hold the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with partiality.For if there should come into your assembly a man with gold rings, in fine apparel, and there should also come in a poor man in filthy clothes, and you pay attention to the one wearing the fine clothes and say to him, You sit here in a good place, and say to the poor man, You stand there, or, Sit here at my footstool, have you not shown partiality among yourselves, and become judges with evil thoughts? Listen, my beloved brethren: Has God not chosen the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him? But you have dishonored the poor man. Do not the rich oppress you and drag you into the courts? Do they not blaspheme that noble name by which you are called? If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, You shall love your neighbor as yourself, you do well; but if you show partiality, you commit sin, and are convicted by the law as transgressors. For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all. For He who said, Do not commit adultery, also said, Do not murder. Now if you do not commit adultery, but you do murder, you have become a transgressor of the law. So speak and so do as those who will be judged by the law of liberty. For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment." James 2:1-13 

 These verses have caused me to examine my circle of friends. I truly need to do a better job of being open to more diverse friendships. According to these verses, showing favoritism is no less sin than murder or adultery. If I show special treatment to someone simply because of their financial status, then I have sinned. For this I repent Lord. Please show me ways to show your love to all people! I pray for this to change within our churches as well. Let the poor be given as much honor as the wealthy. What stirs in your heart when you read these verses?

How Can it Be?

Grace is such an interesting concept. How do you define something you don't deserve, could never purchase, and yet are freely given? I searched the definition of grace online and found two interesting results:

1. (in Christian belief) the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings. 

When I began writing this post, this is the definition I had on my heart. However, the second definition I read has given be pause. 

2. Simple elegance or refinement of movement. 

The reason I paused is because in many ways these two definitions are one in the same. In my personal experience of encountering the grace of God, it's led me to move through life differently. I don't always get the movements correct. As with any dancer, there are many rehearsals to prepare for the day of the big performance. Our final performance does not happen in this lifetime. 

So many times when we fall, we want to quit the dance altogether. We think because of our mistakes we are unworthy of continuing to walk with Christ. The reality is, we never were and never will be worthy. Christ's love for us has nothing to do with us. We are only able to love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). The world fails to exhibit true love when it walks apart from Him. How can one know love unless they know the One who created love? 

I've never felt more loved than when I've felt God's grace. In the ministry work I do, I have seen many instances where someone has made decisions reflective of their life before coming to Christ. Satan uses these instances to try and convince them they are failures and should just give up trying to change. I believe it is these moments when someone can draw even closer to God. It is in these moments we experience new levels of grace. As a fellow believer, it is my job to extend this same grace to someone who has stumbled. We are called to lift one another up. There is no greater opportunity to show the love of Christ than when a brother or sister has fallen. When we feel most undeserving is when we need God's love and grace the most. 

Where are you in this example? Are you the one in need of extra grace today or are you the one who is being called to show grace? Is there someone in your circle of influence who is fighting to stay on course in their walk with God? How can you reach out to them to show grace where others are showing shame and condemnation? If you are the one who is struggling to keep your head up, then let me be the one to tell you to rise up. Grace is given freely. There is nothing you could do that God was not aware of before you made your choices. His forgiveness is for all your sins, not just the ones committed before accepting Him into your life. You are not the one person on earth who is unforgivable. His grace is sufficient for you. 

One of my favorite songs right now: 

Yawning at Tigers: You Can't Tame God So Stop Trying by Drew Dyck

I am encouraged by the number of books appearing lately regarding recognizing the power of God. Yawning at Tigers is one such book. We can become so "churched" that we forget we are worshipping and serving the God who created the universe. In this selection Dyck reminds us of His power. If you are looking for a book that will challenge you to take bolder steps in your faith walk, this is one you don't want to miss.  

I found this selection full of biblical truths and modern day examples of how God continues to move in the lives of those who serve Him. One of my favorite examples given in the book of how God pursues us is the reference to the movie Taken.  The author weaves many current media examples into sharing how God wants to operate in our lives. Dyck did an excellent job in posing questions to cause me to examine my boldness in my personal walk with God. Many parts in the book caused me to stop and reflect on the subject matter.  

I would definitely recommend this book for a personal or group study. The discussion guide at the end of the book is great for either time alone in reflection or with others.  

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers <http://booklookbloggers.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

A Proper Introduction

Hello readers! I've been pondering the proper way to introduce myself to you so when you read my blog contributions you have an understanding of my perspective of life.  Writing an introduction seems like a simple enough task, but yet as I sit staring at a blank screen it is proving more difficult than I expected. I guess I will start with the basics.  

 

I'm a 38 year old mother of two daughters...and one dog. I've lived in the Charlotte, NC area for nine years after relocating here from Massachusetts. I had lived there for ten years after growing up in rural Virginia. The south is definitely what I consider home, but I still love to visit New England. I worked for a large bank for 13 years. The pay and benefits were decent. However, 4 years ago God spoke and I was stubborn enough to listen. I use the word stubborn because many advised against being obedient.  I quit my job at His prompting and the journey ever since has been an adventure to say the least. This may be why I find it so hard to describe myself! 

 

In the last four years I've had the opportunity to do things I never imagined. Even with all these adventures, I know it is only the beginning of the plan God has for my life. I think that applies to all of us! We are told God will do exceedingly, abundantly above all we could ask or think (Ephesians 3:20).  

 

At the moment I work two jobs. I have my own house cleaning business and I also work with a local anti-human trafficking ministry. Both involve, in some way, cleaning up other people's mess. And I love it! The cleaning job allows me flexibility in my schedule so I can be available when my daughters need me. When I worked at the bank I had to miss much of what was happening in their lives. Now I'm there every afternoon to pick them up from school. I can attend programs, meetings, athletic events, etc without worrying about losing my job because of being absent from work. I have regular cleaning customers who are amazing people. My benefits now include fresh eggs from a customer who has chickens in her back yard, fresh vegetables from the customer who has a garden, the latest bestselling books from the customer who is an avid reader and lets me borrow from her, and priceless wisdom from the 97 year old I get to see once a week. 

 

In the ministry job I have the opportunity to learn a little more of what it must have felt like for Jesus to walk the earth. I see both the worst humanity has to offer, but also the beauty in a life being restored and redeemed. I have the opportunity to show love, mercy, and grace to others in the same way God has shown the same to me. In fact, I still have to ask Him for more of those daily.  

 

I guess the one detail I've left out of my introduction is I'm also single. So my writings may include stories of my ventures into the world of online dating or the joys of single parenthood. Some days I love being single (I can serve cereal every night for dinner and nobody complains!) and other days it feels like the thorn in my flesh (sleeping alone is well....lonely).  

I pray God will lead me to write the words you need to hear and He wants me to share. I pray we can all grow together. As God is working in me, I pray He uses it to inspire, encourage, and motivate you to allow Him to work in you also. Blessings and I'll be talking to you again soon!

Ex-Muslim by Naeem Fazal

I should first start off by saying I read this book in less than 24 hours time. Not that I had that much spare time, but once I started, I couldn't put it down! Living in the same city as the church Fazal pastors, I was familiar with him and some of his story so I was eager to read this book. Pastor Fazal has a writing style that is easy to read and comprehend and a story that is powerful and a testimony to God's relentless pursuit of us, no matter our background. 

In "Ex-Muslim," Pastor Fazal details his journey to faith in Christ thought what most would deem unusual circumstances. His description of demonic encounters reveal how someone raised in a completely different faith can come to personally experience the power in the name of Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I enjoyed reading his story and was encouraged by his audacious faith to surrender his life completely to Christ and the path chosen for him. I enjoyed that the focus was on Fazal's story, but not primarily about how to witness to those of other faiths. I did receive a powerful reminder of how the greatest witness opportunities we have are through the way we live our lives daily. There are people around us who are watching every move we make and listening to every word we say. To quote Fazal, "If people don't see the teachings of Jesus lived out in us, they won't want to listen to a word we have to say about Him." 

I highly recommend this selection! I promise you won't be disappointed and will be challenged in your personal walk with Christ.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers <http://booklookbloggers.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

How to Pick Up a Stripper by Todd and Erin Stevens

This has to be the best titled book I've ever read. Once you read the subtitle, you understand the subject is not what you might think. How to Pick Up a Stripper is about how to live your life in the mindset of servant outreach. Outreach does not have to happen only when organized as part of a large group or as part of an outreach week or event. The opportunity to serve others happens every day and this book shows how we can make it part of our lifestyle.

As someone who works in ministry to women coming out of prostitution, this title immediately grabbed my attention. I read in just a couple days and would highly recommend this for everyone! The authors do an excellent job showing how every personality type, whether introvert or extrovert, can be called to serve others on a regular basis. Several examples are given of ways the authors church has implemented a servant attitude towards others. I have already shared many of these with my pastor in hopes of changing the culture of my own home and church.

We are called as Christians to love others as Christ has loved us. This selection challenges us to love not only those who we like, but also those who we may see as our enemies and others who are very different from us. If you want a book to challenge you to live more like Christ, then this is definitely a great one to read!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers <http://booklookbloggers.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Invisible People

Something happened tonight that I feel I need to share. I'm not sharing in an attempt to call out or point the finger at a particular person or group of people. However, what happened caused me to stop and ask myself the question if I have been guilty of committing the "offense" I experienced. 

Tonight I took Olivia to a Vacation Bible School at a church near my house. It was the first night and instead of the usual group style VBS, this first night was a time of fun and games. There was food provided as well as bounce houses, face painting and more. Parents were encouraged to stay with their children while they participated in the activities. Great! Sounds like fun, right? 

I should mention here I have never attended this church and I knew nobody. What a great opportunity to meet some new people and neighbors! Sadly, this was not the case. After an hour of milling around the different activities I realized that with the exception of the women who worked at the registration table when I first walked in, not one person had spoken to me. I saw plenty of people in conversation with each other. They were laughing and many seemed to know each other. That was when this thought struck me...

What if I wasn't a "church" person? 

What if I hadn't stepped foot into a church in years, or ever in my life? 

What if I was broken, lost, and hurting? 

My heart was grieved as I wondered how I would feel if I was an outsider to the church world and had been courageous enough to enter this environment and nobody spoke to me. Then I wondered how many times I have been guilty of this myself. Have I been so caught up in seeing friends that I overlooked the one who wasn't a member? Have I not taken the time to notice a new face? 

So, in light of how I was feeling I decided to take a moment and look around the room. I noticed a woman who had been sitting by herself for the same hour I had been there. I sat next to her and began a conversation. Sure enough, she didn't attend that church either. So I spent the next hour talking with her. 

Church, we have to do better. If we can't even reach out to the ones who walk through our doors, then how could we possibly be effective at reaching those outside of our doors? Nobody there knew me so they didn't know my story or situation. What if I did not know Christ and left tonight and was in a car accident. What if I had left church without anyone even knowing I had been there? The reality is every Sunday many of us go to church and overlook those who are there with us. Do we really take the time to SEE them? Are we aware enough to recognize a new face? Do we notice when someone's eyes look a little different because they are fighting a battle and they are tired? Or do we rush past with a quick hello and carry on about our business? 

Lord, 

Please forgive me for every time I have overlooked someone You have placed in my path. Please help me to always keep my eyes open. Please help me to be aware of those around me, not just when I'm in the grocery store or at my child's school as we often see these as our "mission fields." Father, please help me to see those who enter Your house, but who may not know you. Thank you for allowing me this opportunity tonight to see where I may be failing by personally feeling the loneliness so many experience who are apart from You. Please help me to have Your eyes and Your heart towards all people, not just those outside of the church. 

As I'm finishing this prayer, the following song came on. How timely is our God?

Merlin's Nightmare by Robert Treskillard

Merlin's Nightmare is the third book in the Merlin Spiral series. This is by far the best series you haven't read! This story picks up years after the previous book ended. As Arthur is coming of age it is time for him to learn his true heritage and birthright. In order to take his place he must face the people responsible for the deaths of his family.

The author continues his genius in weaving together historically known characters with the story he is telling. There are numerous conversations between the characters that are humorous and endearing. As I was reading the epic battle scene descriptions I was able to easily envision the scene playing out. The faith of the characters is inspiring as they are facing the fight of their lives and remember to turn to God throughout the course of the story.

I would highly recommend this book (and the entire series) to anyone who is a fan of similar epic novels. This is a story that should be made into a movie and you definitely want to read the book first!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers <[...]> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <[...]> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Like a Convict

Imagine this scene: 

A courtroom. 

Overwhelming evidence of guilt.

You are on trial and you know you are guilty of every charge brought against you. Not just of these charges, but also of crimes nobody else knows you committed. You know you have arrived at this moment fairly and it was only a matter of time before the real you was discovered. 

As you stand to hear the verdict, you hold your breath in anticipation of the sentence. You hear the words...

NOT GUILTY. All charges dismissed. 

How would you react in the above scenario? I believe I would collapse in shock and relief. How could I be found innocent when there is proof of my crimes? How can I not have to pay retribution for my evil? I would ask the judge and jury for clarification. So let's imagine again...

The judge turns to you and points to a man sitting in the corner. You had not paid much attention to him throughout your trial. You assumed he was another reporter or spectator who came to hear of your failures. As the man slowly stands, as if in pain, you notice the blood. You couldn't see it before the verdict was read, but now it's flowing down his face. You lean closer to get a better look at him and notice his clothing has changed. He was dressed in ordinary clothes throughout your trial, but now he is in torn rags. He begins to limp towards you. You observe he now has wounds that should make him unable to move! 

You become panicked as you are trying to understand why this man is here and what does he have to do with your situation. The judge says your name several times to get your attention. He asks if you have ever seen this man before. You search your memory, but are pretty sure you would remember seeing someone like him. But there is really nothing memorable about his face. You wouldn't notice him now if not for his beaten appearance. You respond in denial of knowing him and ask the judge to tell you more. 

The judge begins to tell you of all the man has been through. He tells you of the beatings. He tells you of the names the man has been called. He tells you of the pain he has endured. You know all you have done wrong, but were found not guilty. What horror must this man have committed in order to be treated so horribly! So you ask the judge what the man did to deserve such abuse. 

The judge hangs his head and with a sigh he responds, "Nothing. This man did absolutely nothing to deserve this punishment. But you did. Everything that happened to him was what the jury had sentenced for you. But he volunteered to take your place." 

You turn from the judge to see the man is now standing next to you with His hand extended. Breathless with tears flowing from your eyes, you take His hand. There are so many questions you want to ask, but you can't find words to speak. The emotions you feel are endless. You somehow find the breath to ask, "Why?" This man you have never met has taken the punishment you deserved. You have been given freedom despite the offenses you have committed. The look on your face begs Him to say something. After what seems an eternity of silence, He speaks. 

"I did this because I love you. I've loved you with an everlasting love. Before the world was formed, I knew you would be born at this time and I knew the crimes you would commit. I knew the wages of your crimes was too much for you to carry. So out of my love for you, I left my palace to be with you. That's right, I'm no ordinary man. I am a King. I am Royalty. But no Kingdom would be complete without you, my child, being there. I have come to save you and give you a new life. Not the life you have lived that led to this trial, but a life of joy, peace, and righteousness. These are the fruits of living in my Kingdom. Will you come live with me?"

Can you imagine this story? 

It's a true story. It's exactly what Jesus did for each of us. What we deserved in judgement, He received the punishment so we could be free. I know I can go through my daily life and forget where I should be and yet I'm free. I'm free from the person I used to be. I'm free from the sentence I deserve. When satan attempts to remind me of my crimes, Christ reminds me I am not guilty in Him. 

There is yet another element to this story. If after experiencing the above acquittal, would we continue living as we lived before? Would we walk out of the courtroom and go directly back to the life that led us to the trial in the first place? Or would we walk away thankful for new freedom? If you have experienced salvation through Christ, are you living as if you were free? Or are you continuing to live in the same way you lived before knowledge of Christ? Do you live the same way because you know you are forgiven and use that as your excuse to live in a way you know you should not live. Have you asked God for His opinion on the choices you make? Have you invited Him in your life not just as a spectator, but as a guide? 1 Peter 2:16 tells us, "Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God."

 Stop living like a convict when you have been found NOT GUILTY.

One Man's Trash.....

Sometimes I think I can be a little too honest. Not the kind of honest most people claim to be when they tell others what they really think, but in reality are being hurtful. I'm honest about myself. I'm honest about my past. And I'm learning to be more honest about my present. As my pastor recently said, "Everyone loves to hear about our struggles before we came to know Christ, but nobody wants to hear about how we struggled last week." I'm learning in my walk with God that as He brings awareness and healing to one area of my life, there is always something else waiting in line to be dealt with next. When God is dealing with me, the outlet I find is through writing about what He is showing me. I believe if there is an area in which I struggle, then there has to be at least one other person who battles the same thing. So here's where, yet again, I get very real. 

I feel disposable. Disposable is defined in the adjective meaning as, "intended to be used once, or until no longer useful, and then thrown away." When used as a noun it means, "an article designed to be thrown away after use." To say I feel disposable seems like such a harsh thing to say. It pains me even to type the words. However, as I've been reflecting over the relationships I've had in my life, I can't help but feel as if most people have viewed me in just this way. 

In my youth my parents always made a mate in their life a priority over me. My dad left and remarried and I became the stereotype of a stepchild. My mom's boyfriend was an alcoholic who frequently called me names and threatened physical violence. I was told many times, "Once you do this, then no good man will ever want you." So I believed it. The list of men who used me and "disposed" of me is long. Even the men with whom I have birthed children do not speak to me. We can be in the same room and I barely get a hello. I have family members who have "disowned" me over something that happened with another family member several years ago. Although I have made an effort to reach out and re-establish contact with them, these requests have been ignored. When a sibling divorced, her husband, whom I've known my entire life, stopped speaking to me and has carried on his life as if I've never existed. This was the one man, who for over 30 years was the only constant male present in my life. There have been friendships that were ended with a simple, "I can't be friends with you anymore because you don't do _____ for me enough." Even pastors, who have preached to me about my value, have heard a rumor that I was leaving the church and dismissed me with a simple, "Good luck" email. These are just a few of the examples of why I fight the battle I fight. 

These are also the reasons why I keep up a pretty good wall. God is showing me more and more of how I'm keeping people out and how this is not His plan. He's revealing to me that none of the above mentioned events were ever a part of His plan. His plans are never to harm us. Some of the events came about as the result of my own choices, while most were the results of the choices made by others. This is why our choices are so powerful. They not only affect us, but others as well. While we may make choices we think are right at the moment, we make then without considering the long term affects they will have on others. 

As I'm in the midst of the battle of feeling valued, I'm having to immerse myself in the word of God. I'm constantly reading scriptures that tell me how He sees me. I'm listening to music that reminds me I do have value. Sometimes a broken bone heals improperly and has to be broken again to be reset correctly. I am having to open old wounds and ask God to pour His oil of love over them so they can be healed by Him. I'm having to go through the list of "offenders" and ask God to show them to me as He sees them. As I'm going through each one I am beginning to see the wounds they carried and how those wounds were pivotal in the wounds and injuries they inflicted on myself and others. The phrase, "Hurting people hurt people" is definitely an understatement. 

I've asked God many times why He has placed me in a ministry that works with women who have been trafficked, prostitutes, strippers, alcoholics, and drug addicts. He is showing me that in my brokenness of feeling like I don't "fit" that I am most able to relate to these women. These too are women who have been treated as disposable. As I am speaking the word of God over them, I am also speaking it over myself. As I tell them they are loved, He is telling me I am loved. As I am accepting them just as they are, He reminds me of His acceptance, just as I am. Every time I tell them God has a plan for them, He is reminding me He has a plan for me. When I tell them they are worthy of love, He tells me I am worthy also. 

I shared the content of this blog with a friend via text message. She promptly replied, "I would never throw you away!" I thank God for the people He has brought into my life who love me just because they do. Not because of what I do or don't do for them, but just because they see I have value. The one thing I tell my daughters over and over is "I love YOU! Not what you do or don't do. Not because of what you wear or how you behave. I just love who YOU are." I want them to know they are worthy of love just because they are alive and God created them to be just the way they are. What I'm learning in this process I'm going through is God feels the same way about me. 

He loves ME.
He values ME.
He adores ME.
He created ME for a purpose.
He pursues ME.
He longs for ME.
He wants to spend time with ME.

Because what man may see as trash, He sees as His treasure.

When I don't fit in and I don't feel like I belong anywhere
When I don't measure up to much in this life
Oh, I'm a treasure in the arms of Christ

I'm Angry

I'm angry. I'm furious. I want to punch someone or something. I'm not angry because someone cut me off in traffic or because a restaurant got my order wrong. I've seen far too much of this kind of anger in our world. We have fuses so short that we will get out of our cars at a stoplight to yell at the person who drove too slow in front of us. Yes, I recently witnessed this along with the verbally explosive exchange between a man and woman because the woman blared her horn at the man for not pulling out at a stop sign quickly enough. Even though she couldn't see around the corner as he could, she deemed he had plenty of time to go. This is not the type of anger I feel. In fact, this type of anger or treatment of a total stranger is something I've never understood. It's downright stupid. We are quick to fight over things that don't matter or disassociate from people who offend us, and yet we are blind to the things that would cause Jesus to be angry.

The anger I feel is towards those who deliberately hurt and harm another human. Today I spent the day with a teen who was recently kidnapped and taken to another city and forced into prostitution. When she was only in elementary school she was raped by her stepfather and subsequently put into foster care. As angry as I am at the "man" who forced her into prostitution, I'm even angrier at the "man" who robbed this precious child of her innocence.

My daughter is 8. Tonight as I washed her hair in the bath, the reality of the stage of life when the other girl was violated became very real. There is absolutely NOTHING sexual about an 8 year old girl. Earlier tonight  I watched as she played outside. I watched as she sang and twirled and animatedly talked to her imaginary friends. This is the world of an 8 year old girl.

Post by Karen Mundy.

I'm angry for the little girls who aren't protected by the very people who should protect them the fiercest. I left my corporate job almost four years ago because I saw the affect my absence was having on my children. My oldest daughter was being bullied at school and yet I couldn't protect her because to be present for her would have caused me to lose my job anyway. I saw as she was withdrawing and I knew I had to make a drastic life change in order to be able to protect her. I knew the decision was led by God. I faced harsh criticism from church leadership for a decision they deemed as irresponsible. Sometimes in order to protect our children we must make choices others don't understand. I know what it means to make hard choices, which is also why I accept no excuses for those who refuse to protect their children. Every one of us has a choice to make. 

I am angry at the mothers who place a relationship over the safety and protection of their children. Over and over again I witness single moms who begin dating a man and within weeks or months they are sleeping at each other's home or moving in together. I wonder how many of them have performed a background check on these men. I, too, have been guilty of this type of behavior. Although sexual abuse did not occur, I did place my daughters in an environment that was not healthy. There were many loud arguments and plenty of days full of tension. When I saw the direction this relationship was heading, I ended it. The decision cost me financially and led to us being evicted. However, it was worth it in order to protect my children. 

The young woman I worked with today was asleep when I arrived. When I checked in on her I saw she had her thumb in her mouth. My heart broke as I saw her not as a teenager, but as a precious little girl. I saw a daughter of Christ. I saw someone who was loved, treasured, and valuable. My daughters were both thumb suckers. I've spent countless hours watching them sleep. Today my heart broke for the little girl who was abused and who had to comfort herself. The reason I work random jobs to make money is so on days like today I can be available to let this young lady know there ARE people in this world who will fight for her. I will scrub toilets for as long as I have to if it means there are days I can give a hug and encouragement to an abused and broken woman. I will fight not just for her, but for every little girl out there who has nobody to fight for them. 

Children are a precious gift from God. On the days that are emotionally hard for me, it seems as if my daughters know I need some extra smiles and hugs. While driving home tonight my daughter began singing along with the song on the radio. As she sang she would glance over at me and smile. She sang of how it was a "Beautiful Day." After watching her playing with her imaginary friends without any cares in the world, she reminded me that for her, today truly was a beautiful day. Every day she can simply be an 8 year old girl is another day I will fight for those who had that right taken away. 

**I don't usually mention this in my blog posts, but if you would like to financially support the ministry work I do, then you can make a donation that is tax deductible through the Justice Ministries website. Visit www.JusticeMinistries.org and in your donation notate it is for me. Please also let me know you made a donation so I can alert our accounts officer. It can be a one time gift or a monthly recurring gift. ANY amount helps!**

Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus by Nabeel Qureshi

The title is perhaps the best summary possible for the premise of this book. In Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus, Nabeel Qureshi details his journey from a lifelong devout Muslim to a man who supernaturally encounters Christ. Qureshi covers his younger years to explain how a child in a Muslim family is raised to revere and honor Muhammad as the true prophet of Allah.  

I found this book to be an excellent resource to gain a greater understanding of the Muslim faith. Qureshi includes many Muslim words and their definitions in his telling of his story and of his coming to faith in Christ. For someone who has limited knowledge of Muslims or their beliefs, this provided me a great basis for defending my faith in Christ to those who follow Allah. As someone raised in a small southern town, my experience with other religions of any kind was very limited. I thank Qureshi for his boldness to share his story and for giving a greater insight into this "foreign" world. I highly recommend this selection for anyone wanting a personal insight to the Muslim family and their faith. 

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers <http://booklookbloggers.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

The Reason for my Hope by Billy Graham

In “The Reason for my Hope,” Billy Graham does an excellent job detailing the reason why Jesus is the hope He claimed to be for each of us. Graham provides scriptural reference and evidence of why his hope has been in Christ and Christ alone. This book is great for someone looking for an immensely broken down, detailed explanation for why our hope should be placed in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I found this book interesting and a great resource to have on hand for someone who is seeking the truth of Christ. I was not challenged much by this book selection, but I believe that can be attributed to where I am in my walk in faith. If you are seeking more information about Christ or are a new believer and looking to strengthen your faith, then I highly recommend this book. If you are a more mature believe, then this is still a good read as it will give you great material to use in sharing your faith and the reason for your beliefs. It is also an excellent gift for your loved ones who are not believers in the deity of Christ.  

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers <http://booklookbloggers.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html

15 Years and 9 Months

Most people say the day their first child was born was the day they became a mother or a father. I’ve said this myself in the past. However, today as my oldest daughter turns 15, it occurred to me I didn’t become a mother 15 years ago today. I became a mother 15 years and 9 months ago. From the moment of her conception I was protecting, nourishing, and providing for her. Even before I knew she was being knit together in my womb, I was her mother.

Many would say I gave her life, but the reality is it was Kiara who gave life to me. At the time I was 21 and fully living the life the world tells every 21 year old they should be living. I was in a club several nights a week and doing what young people (and sadly many not so young people) do. My life had no direction, purpose, or meaning. My mom had been diagnosed with cancer and my relationship with my father was estranged. I lived 1,000 miles away from most of my family. Whatever I chose to do was my business and nobody else’s. At least that was how I viewed my life. That all changed one morning in June of 1998.

When I took the test to determine if I was pregnant I was doing it as a way of ruling out the reason I wasn’t feeling well. I didn’t actually expect I was pregnant. I had experienced several pregnancy “scares” before and to be honest, when this test returned a positive result, my first thought was, ‘This test must be wrong. None of the others ever showed this.” The thought lasted about 5 seconds before it occurred to me this one was different because this time I  was pregnant. The emotions I felt were overwhelming.

Kiara’s father and I had dated for a while, but had recently broken up. How was I supposed to tell someone I was no longer dating that I was pregnant with their child? My mom was fighting cancer. How could I put another burden on her? The closest family member was an hour away so I knew I would not have the physical support of family that many women have. I lived in Boston with two male roommates. How would they feel about a baby being in the house? Even with all these circumstances I knew this life I carried was special. I knew she was precious and God had decided to send her to earth at this particular time for a reason.

There were people close to me who strongly encouraged an abortion. My life situation was pointed out to me and my ability to be a mother was questioned. How would I raise a child when my own life was a mess? I was told to have a child at this point in my life would be selfish. I knew from the beginning I would be a single mom. Was I ready for everything that would entail? In spite of all the arguments against my decision, I chose life.

I believe my own experiences with pregnancy and motherhood are one of the reasons I’m so passionately pro-life. I’ve twice seen how God can move greatly through an “unplanned” pregnancy. I have personally experienced the feeling of being alone in parenting. I know what it is like to have others encourage you to abort. I know the stigma that comes along with being the woman in church with two kids, by two different men, who has never been married.  I’ve had to tell my parents and family of pregnancy knowing how disappointed they would be in me. Not just once, but twice. But I also cannot begin to imagine my life without these two precious girls.

I have witnessed how God places people into our lives at just the right season. While some encouraged me to abort, there were others (even men) who stepped up to encourage me and hold my hand (sometimes literally). There was a male friend who went with me for my ultrasound so I wouldn’t have to be alone. He was also there in the room when she was born. It is why her middle name is his last name. His friendship during those months is what helped carry me through a very trying and difficult time. My mom lived long enough to see Kiara once. She died about a month after meeting her. I truly believe she fought cancer as long as she did so she would be able to meet her. Her first comment on holding her was, “Wow. She’s so beautiful.”

Kiara was only 3 months old when Mom died.  I can’t imagine how my life might have spiraled out of control during this time if Kiara had not been in my life. I had to get up every morning. I had to go to work now. I had to continue living when parts of me wanted to die along with my mom. In fact, in the year my mom passed, 4 of her 5 children had babies and the 5^th had her first grandchild. God’s timing is always perfect and nothing restores hope like a newborn child.

So here we are 15 years later. Kiara is still beautiful. She has an outer beauty that everyone can see, but her inner beauty is absolutely breathtaking. She has more compassion than most teens I’ve ever met. She definitely has more than I had at 15! I love her unique style and tastes. Even as a toddler others described her as “marching to her own drum” and I love that as she has matured that is a quality that has not changed. When she was about 10 she asked to serve in the children’s ministry at church just because an autistic little boy was in the class and she adored him. I was once told by a leader of the class that Kiara knew how to interact with him in ways most adults did not. Whenever we are uptown she asks about the homeless man who stays in front of the building where I used to work. I’ve seen her selfishly give up her bedroom when needed for a woman to stay a night or two who is coming out of a trafficking situation. She’s helped babysit for women who work in the strip clubs. When Olivia was born she was the one who cut the umbilical cord. It was the day before she turned 7 and she said it was the best birthday present ever. She came to visit on her birthday and while holding Olivia started singing, “Jesus Loves Me” to her. She was mothering Olivia from the very beginning!  

She loves Sherlock, Doctor Who, and all things Marvel. I give her a hard time about it, but she hugs me more times a day than I can count. As she is transitioning from my first baby girl into a young woman, I couldn’t be more proud or in love with her. When I was pregnant with her, God showed her to me in a dream. When she was born she was identical to the baby I saw in my dreams. I know God showed her to me because she is uniquely created and has a special purpose and call on her life.

The greatest miracle in all this is that I get to be her mom. Thank you, God for allowing me to be a part of this beautiful young woman’s life. Thank you that out of all the women on the planet, you chose me to give birth to her. Thank you, God that I chose life when many would not have blamed me for choosing abortion. Thank you, God that you have been with us every step of the way as we both have grown and matured.

Thank you God that for 15 years and 9 months I’ve been Kiara’s mom.