Patience

I've had a realization today. Okay, maybe it hasn't just happened today, but more something God has been showing me for a while now. Well, a long while actually. I am not a patient person. If I see something that needs to be done, I  do it. The discipline of waiting is not something I possess. At least I haven't in the past. I've come to see one of the lessons God has been teaching me over the years is that of patience. This is also the case when it comes to relationships. I'm having to learn to be patient and wait for the ONE God has chosen for me. When I meet a man who seems like a good catch, I want to rush things. It's my nature. Because of my past, I have had to be in control of everything and make all the decisions. I'm having to learn to trust God to bring me a man who will be the one to "chase" me rather than the other way around. Can I tell you how absolutely difficult it is for me to do?

I'm going to speak to all the singles reading this now. Ladies, you DESERVE to be pursued! A husband is called to love his wife as Christ loves the church. That means he WILL pursue you. He WILL seek you out. He WILL love you right where you are! There may be some change involved, but it will always be a change for the better. A real man will respect you. A real man will honor you as a woman. He will be proud to be seen with you! I see so many woman in wrong relationships. The thought seems to be that it is better to be in a miserable relationship than to be single. This is a lie straight from the devil! As long as you remain in the wrong relationship, you will be unable to further the call God has placed on your life. The ONE God chooses for you will encourage you to pursue your calling and to be who God made you to be. This applies whether that calling is to become a preacher to millions and write books or if that calling is to be a stay at home mom and have ten children.

This is a subject I am so passionate about! Not only in speaking to you, but in speaking to myself as well! I know what I WANT in my life, but having the patience to let God orchestrate it is sometimes downright painful! However, the pain of waiting is nothing compared to the pain that comes from trying to do things in my own way.

"And we desire each one of you to show the same earnestness to have the full assurance of hope until the end, so that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises." Hebrews 6:11-12

I love this verse in Hebrews. I often need this reminder that it is through faith and patience that I will inherit the promises of God. His promises are fulfilled in His timing and in His way. We can become so caught up in how we think His promises should look that we miss out on what God wants for us in this season. Never underestimate what God is doing in and through you at THIS moment! Praying for all of you today, but especially for those who are single. I know when you have expectations for a Godly husband, there are many who will tell you that your expectations are too much. There is nothing crazy about believing for what God says you should expect. What I find crazy is how many settle for less that was is from God. Yes, these expectations probably mean you will be single for longer than you would like. The way I see it, my expectations have probably saved me from a couple divorces had I "settled" for something other than what I know God wants for me. He wants that for you too. If you are in a dating relationship that you know is not honoring to God, then end it. Yes, it's that simple. If you are having to compromise yourself or your values simply to keep that man, then I can almost 100% assure you, he is NOT the one God would choose for you.

I could keep writing because this is something I feel so strongly! I will leave you with this thought: If we, as Christian women, began to expect more, then our Christian brothers would be able to become the men of God we desire. Why would they be encouraged to change if we are willing to accept less than God's best?

Ready To Play Ball

I feel like it has been a while since I've truly written about what has been on my heart. I go through seasons of writing frequently and then a dry spell of not writing anything at all. But like a sickness that never leaves, the thoughts, emotions, and feelings eventually are too much to be contained. The urge to release the scrambled chaos within my brain is too strong to avoid any longer.

Most recently I've been processing my thoughts and feeling towards relationships. More specifically I've been wondering if it is feasible to maintain hope that "the one" is out there somewhere looking for me. I am intentional in stating "looking for me" because I know the scripture says "he who FINDS a wife". I know the order in which the search is supposed to occur. What I have found in my experience with the male species, is most of them expect a female to chase them. Wait. What? Yes. Maybe it has simply been due to my keen sense of attracting men who are not looking for a serious relationship. Or the ones that have a serious relationship and want to talk to me on the side.

I want to clarify I am not trying to bash men in any way here. I am simply sharing the things recently weighing on my mind. I do realize perhaps the lack of any male friendships or interactions has been God's way of protecting me from harmful relationships. For His protection I am truly thankful!

I'll be really honest. I'm fully aware of the picture seen when looking through the window into my life. Being a 30 something, single mom of two narrows down the relationship options tremendously. Especially when you add the 'devoted follower of Christ who is not willing to compromise myself just to have a date' tag to my description. Most of the "good" single Christian men are still in their 20's and definitely not interested in an older woman with bonus blessings in tow. Or maybe I just need to find another church.

To further raise the stakes in my dating scenario, I know God has a big call on my life. Despite, or perhaps because of, the testimony I have lived, the sins I have committed, the lessons I have learned, I know God wants me to be vocal about my past. This includes sharing my testimony in public. Very little of my past reads like a top ten list of qualities in a Godly wife you can be proud to bring home to mama. However, without my past I would not be who I am today. Without the lessons learned the hard way, oftentimes only passing on a retest, I would not have the first-hand knowledge of the God I serve. I would not be able to assure you of His transforming power if I had never lived it myself.

Through all my years of singleness, I have learned what it means to fully rely only on God to be my provider and my husband. I have been able to go through the healing process I so desperately needed. It is called a process because I experience days where the scars become more visible and the area around the wound tender.

So where does this leave me on the relationship playing field? Do you remember playing baseball when you were younger and there was always the kid hanging out the entire game in right field just waiting for a chance to get in on the activity? Occasionally some action happens out there.....a piece of trash blows across the field or a butterfly floats by. The butterfly looks pretty, but is not there to stay. The trash is what was discarded by someone else and has no use being on the field. This is how I feel. I'm at attention, glove ready, on my toes, just waiting for the ball to be hit into my side of the field. When it does, I will be ready and it will be beautiful.