I had something happen today that gave me pause to reflect on the power of my words. I am sure we are all aware that our words have power, but oftentimes we can become careless with our tongue. Today's occurrence made me think of how I speak when I'm upset and more specifically how I speak to my children.
I have several friends that clean houses for a living and one asked me to assist her today with the house she had to clean. The house is fairly large and by all appearances the family has a great life. There's a mom, dad, son, and daughter. They live in a nice, upper class neighborhood in Charlotte, have many luxuries, and travel all over the world. Life would appear perfect, right? Today as we were cleaning we found a note written by the daughter to her parents. She is in kindergarten, so please keep that in mind as you read the words of her note. This is what it read (with my corrections to her spelling):
"Dear mommy and daddy, I'm very sorry that I ruin everything for you and I again ruined once more another morning for you. So please let this note calm you down. Yours truly, ______"
My heart broke as I read these words from a child the same age as my youngest daughter. Maybe I'm wrong, but as I read this, I could only imagine she was writing what she had been told. This is not the normal language of a 5 or 6 year old. As I was feeling sad, the thought occurred to me that I have likely said things to my daughters that if spoken back to me in a note would break my heart also. (There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing" Proverbs 12:18). And this would not be the words of a stranger, but from my own mouth. When I think of who I was as a person and a mother when my oldest daughter was 6 and how I am now to my youngest daughter who is 6, I know I'm a completely different person. At different stages of their lives they experienced a different kind of mothering. 10 years ago I was a very angry woman. I was a screamer and regretfully, I know my child received the raw end of that deal. I have repented to both God and her for the way I spoke to her when I was a broken woman. My attitude is definitely an area in which I know God has changed me especially when it comes to how I interact with my children. Even in times of frustration I try to be aware of the power of my words.
My friend whom I cleaned with today shared that she used to have a problem with always asking her children "What is WRONG with you?" when they would do something wrong. God began convicting her several years ago about saying this because she realized her children heard this as a criticism of THEM and not their actions.
Is there something you habitually say that could be harming your children? Do you make comparison between your children? Each child is unique and different and comparisons should never be made. What about your spouse? Do you say things, even in jest, that could be damaging or harmful to your spouse's soul? (Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear" Ephesians 4:29). Or how about your dialogue with yourself? Do you constantly criticize yourself as being stupid, fat, lazy, etc? This was another area I had to change. Before I left the bank I had to complete a self assessment on my job performance. I described myself as AWESOME! Seriously, I did! Ten years ago that never would have happened! I think how we speak to others begins with how we speak to and about ourselves. If we belittle ourselves it becomes easier to berate others. Once we realize the love Christ has for us, it becomes easier to accept who we are and be open to the areas in which change is needed. This love also spills over onto all those around us.
My prayer for you today is for God to reveal to you the areas in which you may need to change your speech. If there are things you say that are harmful to others, then ask God to help you control your tongue. I promise you, He will help you with getting it under control if you are truly repentant and ready to make that change!
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