I Thought It Would Be Easier

For some unknown reason, I thought today would be easier. This morning I released my five year old daughter into the great unknown....also referred to as public school. I know it is something millions of parents have done before and there are thousands others doing it just this week. However, this is different. She is my baby. She is the little person I've had the honor of sharing every day with for the last year since I have been working from home. I'm going to miss hearing "hey mom, guess what....I love you" said at random moments throughout the day. 

Until two weeks ago I was planning to home school her for Kindergarten. The information came for her teacher assignment and I was assured by several friends who knew the teacher that she is a wonderful, grandmotherly type of teacher. I met her and liked what I saw so I decided to give this school another chance. You see, my experience with this school in the past has not been a good one. My older daughter attended the same school and experienced horrific bullying and an overall lack of any type of real education. Her fifth grade year was lost. When we moved her to a private school she had to repeat fifth grade in order to make up the lost year. Needless to say, my trust in this school is not very high. And now, to release my baby into their "care" is scary. 

I know Olivia is strong. She is so excited to be going to school. I asked how many new friends she will make and she quickly replied "100!" And she might be right. Olivia loves people. When our neighbor comes home from work, Olivia runs out the door to tell her hello. If she sees a family member of someone she knows, she always says "tell ______ I said hi."  Even if that someone is their pet.

My prayer is that her spirit would not become hardened by the world. Today feels like a loss of innocence for her. At the bus stop this morning a little boy used the "F" word and was talking about another inappropriate subject. I asked him to please be careful in what he is saying around younger children. Not to mention the boy himself was too young to be saying such things. I know I have raised her with values and compassion. I pray she is strong enough to be a good influence on the other children instead of the of the other way around.

The hardest part of today is realizing she is growing up. There is no way to stop the process of time. Because of having an older child, I know within the blink of an eye she will no longer be in Kindergarten, but middle school. It seems like only a few weeks ago I was dropping her big sister off on her first day.

As I was walking with Olivia to the bus stop this morning she noticed some dirt on the side of the road and commented it looked like a horse. I guess now during the day I will have to take more time to look at the shapes of the clouds or even dirt on the ground and become more child-like myself. 

As I was helping her get ready this morning she was carrying around her blankie. The last thing she did before leaving was brush her teeth. As she walked out of the bathroom, she left blankie laying on the floor. It somehow felt symbolic to me. She was ready to leave behind her security and excited for what lay ahead of her. We should all view life the same way.